[For those currently suffering from workplace relationships] Please read about my experience before it's too late ①

Thank you for taking the time to read this article.
I am updating this note in the hope that my experience will be a reference for those who are struggling with workplace relationships and wondering whether to quit their jobs.

Please refer to my previous article for my background and profile.

Now, let's get straight to the point.

[Experience in a long-working-hours department after joining the company]

🌟 Joining my dream company

▶️ First year at the company: A 'white' (good) department

The company I joined is a so-called major corporation that almost everyone has probably seen at least once.

I joined with my heart full of hope, wanting to be useful to others!
Based on my past experiences, I was confident that I was good at my job, could work efficiently, and had average communication skills. This way of thinking would later cause me suffering.

In my first year, fortunately, I was in a 'white' department.
My overtime for the year was about 10 hours. Although there was an 'otsubone' (a bossy senior female employee) figure, thanks to the support of my seniors, I managed to spend my days immersed in my work without any issues.

Since it was in the pharmaceutical industry, there was a lot to learn and many updates to new knowledge, so I spent my days just focusing on my work.

▶️ First department transfer

In my second year as a working professional, I was transferred to a new department. Unlike my previous department, I worked in front of customers and spent my days constantly on business trips.

As for the human relationships, they weren't bad enough to cause mental health issues, and it was a department where individual performance was strongly emphasized.

Every day was fresh, and communicating with customers was stimulating, so I worked with a sense of purpose.

The regular hours were 8:30-17:00, which is standard, but due to business requirements, I would arrive at work in the 6 o'clock hour and return around 18:00. From there, I would do cleanup and administrative work, leaving the office around 19:00-21:00.

My overtime hours kept ballooning, averaging about 60 hours per month. During busy periods, it exceeded 90 hours.

🌟 Signs of trouble

▶️ Accumulation of fatigue

Since I am human, no matter how rewarding the work is, fatigue accumulates when working long hours.

Barely 'white' in the sense that all overtime pay was provided, I became a person who had income but no time.

At that time, I turned to smoking, which I had dabbled in a little during my student days. However, unlike paper cigarettes or iQOS, this was the type of smoking where you go to bars or cafes to smoke.

Because of this, I fell into an infinite loop of work → smoking → sleep → work...

Through this smoking, I formed a smoking community, and as I made more friends outside of work, I began to realize, 'Do I have a lot of overtime hours...?'

Then, the fatigue became impossible to shake off, I felt sluggish every day, gradually started getting irritated even while working, and fell into a situation where I was hit by intense sleepiness during the day no matter how much I slept.

▶️Recommendation from a doctor I work with

Due to the nature of my job, I had the opportunity to work with doctors who held medical licenses.
A doctor I had become familiar with saw my condition and recommended, 'Could it be that you have bipolar disorder? You should visit a mental health clinic once.'

For my part, I couldn't accept it, thinking, 'That's not true! I'm just tired...' However, when I mentioned it to my parents, they took me to a mental health clinic.

As a result, although it was not the bipolar disorder the doctor I knew had feared, I was diagnosed with a 'depressive state,' and a medical certificate for a two-week leave of absence was issued on the spot, leading to my first leave of absence.

Fortunately, I had plenty of paid leave remaining, so I entered my leave of absence by using up all my paid leave.

At this point, it had been a year and a half since I transferred to that department.

🌟Two-week leave of absence period

▶️Reactions of those around me leading up to the leave of absence

In the department at the time, there were several people I could call peers, and we had a close relationship. I tended to be open about myself and couldn't keep things hidden.

Those peers were very worried about me being stuck in the work → smoking → sleep → work loop, and sometimes they would invite me out for drinks to help me change my mood.

On the other hand, in the eyes of other staff members, I appeared to be someone who looked sleepy at work and hung out until late at night.

From my perspective, I felt like I was just going out to eat after work and stopping by a cafe near my home where I could smoke, so while I hated being thought of that way, I also felt guilty because I was actually feeling intense sleepiness.

It was at that timing that I ended up going on leave.

▶️Psychology during the leave of absence

Once I was actually on leave, even though I was told I didn't have to go to work from the next day, I was confused and didn't know what to do.

By this time, I had even purchased a full set of smoking equipment so that I could smoke at home, which had become a habit.

As a result, I became a shut-in who just slept constantly and smoked whenever I woke up. I felt a sense of guilt for not knowing what I was doing while resting, and I also felt inferior to my colleagues, so I never felt like I was actually resting.

My anxiety grew day by day, and I would constantly space out while thinking about work, eventually leading to an accident where I rear-ended the car in front of me in traffic while driving. Fortunately, it was a collision at under 10 km/h, and thanks to the lawyer rider on my insurance policy, everything was resolved without me having to do anything myself.

▶️Returning to work

After the two-week period passed, I decided to return to work without visiting the mental health clinic again.

According to company policy, employees who have been on leave for more than two weeks must have an interview with an industrial physician to determine if they are fit to return, so I went to the interview.

However, when the interview actually started, my mind went blank and I started crying halfway through. I didn't even know what was going on myself, but because I insisted that I wanted to work, I was cleared to return.

Once I returned, I was prohibited from working overtime for a while, couldn't go on business trips, and spent about two weeks doing office work to help out in other departments.

I remember feeling like I was being treated like a leper because I was so self-conscious about how others saw me, and I felt like I wasn't really living.

…After that, I was transferred to a different department for the second time.

This concludes my episode of my experience in a long-working-hours department since joining the company.

Thank you for reading until the end.

Next time, I will post Part 2: The department transfer that became a turning point.

It would encourage me if you could follow or show your support with a ♡. Thank you.