5 Mental Reset Methods to Try When You Feel Like Your Life Is Over

Yes, it's Kanako Saotome.
Is it seriously already five years since I debuted?
Looking at the calendar, I really felt how fast time flies.

First, let me start with a quick update.
I've mentioned it briefly on my rarely updated X account and in my profile here on note, but after publishing "Wear Your Pants: The Story of a Middle School Graduate Freeter Who Went to University", I graduated from university, went on to graduate school at Kyoto University, completed my master's degree without any delays, and got a job at a company. I'll emphasize that 'without any delays' part because it's quite rare in my personal history.

In short, I survived the turbulence of my teens and twenties, and lately, I've been living a somewhat ordinary life as a company employee. I've even changed jobs like a normal person and work as an engineer. I don't have children, but I'm still doing well with my husband and our pet cats.
I've become a bit of a normal person, haven't I? Actually, I'm surprised because I never thought I'd live to be in my 30s. When I was around 16 and had attempted suicide, I seriously thought I'd be dead before I turned 20, or that someone would have killed me by then.

Even a person like me has managed to work full-time as a regular employee since finishing graduate school (regardless of how well I'm doing), and I've been able to mimic being a member of society. Just barely, though.

***

Thankfully, I've received feedback emails, postcards to the publisher, and questions from people who read my book. A question I often got was, 'What is the secret to bouncing back in life?' Apparently, I have a reputation for being good at bouncing back.

If you're alive, there will be days when you suddenly feel like you want to die or are struck by a sense of despair or claustrophobia so intense you want to disappear. There might be nights when bad luck happens to pile up and you feel like your life is 'over'.
However, I've come to think more and more each year that it's all just a matter of how you perceive things.

I'm going to write down my own tips for resetting your mood and living the next day as if nothing happened. This will also serve as my own coping list.

5 Mental Reset Methods for When You Feel Like Your Life Is Over

1: Become Thoroughly Blame-Shifting!!!

This is the first thing you can do easily and at no cost.

I've thought about this especially since I started working at a company: in this world (or maybe in Japanese society), there is a strong trend that 'blame-shifting is evil.' If you shift the blame even a little, you get labeled as an 'immature person,' right?
Certainly, I feel that people who blame others for everything are 'mentally childish and I don't want to be with them forever,' so there is some truth to that. But if you ask me if living with 100% self-blame is what it means to be an adult, I don't think that's necessarily the case.

Because sometimes the other person is seriously at fault. No matter how amazing a person or a boss is, they are human. They aren't gods, so they have times when they are in a bad mood, and even if they don't mean to, they can accidentally hurt people like a random attacker.

In such cases, serious people might fall into self-blame and think endlessly, 'If I had done X at that time, Y wouldn't have happened,' or 'No, that's because I did this...' but I think it's fine to just do that for appearances.

There are many things in the world that you cannot control. In fact, most things are like that. If you take self-blame to the extreme, then the wars happening in the world, the high price of rice, and the number of children on waiting lists for daycare are all your fault???
That is definitely not the case. Unless you are a politician, the influence of an average person is limited to the scope of their own acquaintances.

The following is my own scummy life hack: whenever a problem occurs at work, I think about whether the responsibility for that is included in my take-home pay.
If I were receiving a take-home pay of 1 million yen, I might have to think about the reasons why the company's business isn't going well and take responsibility on a big scale. But in reality, I'm just a regular employee for whom that's not the case, so worrying about company management is clearly outside the scope of my salary. It's an overreach.
That's why, when I see people who aren't even managers looking gloomy because the company's performance is bad, I honestly think, 'Why are you taking it so personally? Is your empathy too strong??'
I've decided that as long as I do the work commensurate with my take-home pay every day, I don't need to feel more responsibility than necessary. There are definitely areas where my power cannot reach no matter what, so instead of feeling gloomy with self-blame there, it's definitely better for life to just say, 'Oops! I tried, but it didn't work! :D' and eat a hearty lunch at the company cafeteria.

If a company wants a regular employee to 'feel more responsibility,' they should raise the salary accordingly. The worker side doesn't want to be used by the company like an unlimited subscription service for a fixed monthly fee.
(Note: I have experience being exploited by adults in part-time jobs when I was a teenage middle school graduate freeter, so I have a tendency to think this way because I'm a bit twisted.)

As an aside. I heard this somewhere, but a personality with strong self-blame is apparently preferred for managers in Japanese companies. But on the other hand, it's also highly likely to lead to illness. (This is definitely the reason why the hearts of managers in Japanese companies are so prone to getting sick!!)
And I think the stress that a self-blaming person can no longer process will spread to those around them in the worst possible way. In the form of bad moods.

I think a 'true adult' is not a person who blames themselves to the extreme, but someone who can break the cycle of bad moods in the world. Someone who isn't drowned by ordinary darkness and always wears a cheerful and happy atmosphere.
I had a young female boss like this in the past, and even when the department was busy and the atmosphere was tense, she would encourage everyone with humor. Compared to the older men who only cared about appearances and spread bad moods and jealousy among the inner circle, I thought she was truly an adult.
However, when the business partners were trash, that woman was someone who would complain loudly and cheerfully without hesitation. Some older men called that childish, but since she was at least stable and cheerful in front of people no matter what happened, I thought this kind of balance might be just right for living energetically.

Self-blame is fine only within the range you can reach. Instead of pointlessly feeling down about parts you couldn't control, at least in your own heart, let's dump the blame on others as much as you want and go out to eat something delicious~.

2: Fantasize About Your 'Ideal Self' and 'Things You Want to Do'!!

When I was a graduate student job hunting, I wrote in a stupid notebook. It's already a dark history, but I'll publish it because I think it might help others.

What is that? A glass-walled, sparkling office. But well, in the end, I was actually able to reach a future like this. Having long hair made morning preparations difficult, so I quickly switched to a short haircut, and I've already changed jobs and left that company. I wore Snidel normally.

It feels extremely stupid, but I think there are times when you can have hope for life by fantasizing about your 'ideal self' in the near future. Especially during turning points in life like entrance exams, job hunting, and changing jobs, where you are prone to running out of gas.
It's better to write it down to the point where it would be embarrassing if seen by others. You can even exaggerate it to an unrealistic level, like becoming a billionaire. You're the only one who will see it anyway, so if you feel embarrassed, you lose.
In fact, it's better to fantasize a bit excessively so you can understand what your current self wants. For example, in my job hunting notebook, 'sparkle'—meaning social status and appearance—was prioritized over job content and industry. (At the time, I was desperate not to be made a fool of by those around me, so I was obsessed with raising my status and really had no substance.)

Anyway, by clarifying your 'ideal self,' your anxiety will disappear or your goals will be set, so I want you to buy your favorite notebook and try it, even if you think it's a scam.I think if you keep looking for your 'next ideal self,' people can go anywhere.

Also, along with this, I recommend thinking about many things you want to do in your life from now on. That's what people call a 'bucket list' or a 'wish list' these days.
When I feel exhausted, I write a list of things I want to do in my smartphone memo as a form of escapism. Here is what I wrote recently.

The one about 'taking a hot spring bath in New Zealand' came up because I have a New Zealander at my company, and after hearing about local hot springs from them, I wanted to go. 'Going to the Uyuni Salt Flats' was something I saw on TV by chance when I was tired, and I thought I couldn't die until I saw that in person. These two might sound worldwide and grand, but there are also things that seem easy to achieve, like 'playing Danganronpa again.' (Actually, I did that the other day, so I've already checked it off.)
Like this, I keep tapping away and saving things in my smartphone notes with a light heart, and when I look at them when I'm tired, I get the feeling of, 'No way, I can't die yet when I have so many things I want to do!'

When I can't think of anything, I recommend asking ChatGPT for a list of ideas or randomly generating '100 Things I Want to Do in a Year' from NOLTY.Things outside of your own common sense or routine can sometimes take you very far. As the ultimate version of this, I went on a mystery tour following an itinerary recommended by ChatGPT. It's a form of entertainment I highly recommend to those who are bored with ordinary travel.

In any case, just thinking that there are still so many unexplored places and things I don't know about in the world makes me feel like I can try a little harder, don't you think?

3: Go where there are lots of people!!

When I'm feeling down, I tend to hole up in my room alone, but if your body is okay, it's better to push yourself a little and go outside.
And preferably to a place with as many people as possible. McDonald's, Starbucks, a slightly larger neighborhood park, the Shibuya Scramble Crossing, Dotonbori—anywhere is fine. Depending on how down I'm feeling, I consider the crowd level and go to a place where I can hear people talking.

Usually, when two or more people gather, they start talking about their recent lives, worries, or mutual acquaintances. Then, hearing things like 'Oh, there are people like that in the world' or 'They have those kinds of worries' broadens my perspective, and my circular thinking gets reset. When you're worried, your thoughts are in a loop. You need a trigger to forcibly cut it off somewhere.
Also, it simply alleviates loneliness. Especially for those living alone, for better or worse, there's no one else there, so you have to wake yourself up when you're down. That's a very lonely and painful task.
At such times, even without directly interacting with people, just listening to someone else's conversation makes you feel that you are not disconnected from the world, making it easier to find the motivation to get back up.

When I was worried about changing jobs, I overheard college students arguing about how to handle a group date at a yakiniku restaurant in a park, and the sheer absurdity of it blew my worries away. The world should be that fun, silly, and casual.
Thank you, those college students from back then.

4: Contact an old acquaintance!!

What I often do when I feel stuck is 'contact an old acquaintance and go get something to eat.' Is this a life hack, or is life just a repetition of this? That's what I think.
Well, you don't necessarily have to go out for a meal, but sending a message is a low hurdle, so I recommend it.

What's good about this is that because that person reminds you of your past self, you can make new discoveries. The current 'me' is what you could call the 'latest version' that has been constantly updated, but the 'me' that person knows is the past version of myself from when we spent time together.They remember the values and dreams I had back then, which the latest version of me has forgotten.

Over the past few years, when I went to Tokyo for work, I reunited with many people I've met throughout my life, such as friends I met at old Twitter meetups, college friends, and acquaintances I did research with in graduate school. I told them I published a book, and although it took courage to reach out—especially since I've had painful experiences with online relationships—it was totally fine when we actually talked.
The Twitter friend I actually met up with was someone I was close enough with to go to doujin events and fireworks festivals in our teens, but we had lost touch after I deleted my account, so it was our first reunion in about 10 years. We met up in a corner of Tokyo after work, ate dinner and drank at an izakaya, smoked shisha until late at night, and laughed, saying, 'We've really grown up, haven't we?' I never could have imagined back then that I would have a future like this.
She remembered the old me (the one from my teens who lived recklessly, like I wrote about in 'Pantsu wa Haiteoke'...), and while it was tough and I would never want to go back to those days, I was moved that there is someone who remembers that I lived my life to the fullest.

You might feel embarrassed to reach out because you're ashamed of your current state, but rest assured, the other person isn't really paying that much attention to you.
They are also in the middle of playing their own life RPG where they are the protagonist... You can just think of yourself as 'Villager A' to them.
Even if you show your embarrassing side to them, there are about 8 billion other people on Earth, so feel free to expose your shame.

5: Just move your body!!

Finally, this. It's information that's already widely known to the public, but exercise has a positive impact on mental health. That's why, especially when you feel like life is 'checkmate,' you should just move your body, even if you think it's a lie. This is the optimal solution.

...Even though we know this in our heads, it's hard for humans to actually put exercise into practice. As someone with a history of being in the 'non-sports club' camp, I understand this well.
So, if you've never exercised before, there's no need to go out of your way to pay for a gym membership. You don't need jerseys or sneakers.First, just try taking a walk in your neighborhood in your usual clothes and shoes.
(If the hurdle to exercising is too high, you won't keep it up.)

In my case, I started with walks in my usual clothes, and gradually, moving my body became fun. From there, I started watching muscle training videos on YouTube and doing them at home, moved on to yoga, and eventually, I've become a mysterious Spartan dieter who does both personal training and machine Pilates in addition to daily walks. It's hilarious. Where am I heading???
I recommend gyms that require reservations, such as personal or group lessons. They are more expensive than gyms where you just use the machines on your own, but since you've already made a reservation, you have no choice but to go even if you feel like being lazy at the last minute, so you're semi-forced to go.

However, since the summers have been murderously hot lately, please don't overdo it with outdoor exercise like walking. I couldn't suppress the urge to walk even in the extreme heat, so I bought a stepper last year. When I can't suppress the urge to walk, I step away while watching TV. Just doing it for 30 minutes makes me sweat a little and puts me in the mood to 'do it!', so I recommend it.
However, since you move up and down, it's very difficult to play games while stepping, so I'm debating whether to buy an exercise bike this year.

Just move your body. We'll talk after that.

~Fin.~

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