Stories of a Foster Parent in the Philippines Part 6 | Now, I am only connected to her on Facebook | Perhaps I want to see her. But, I have never regretted this bond

Right now,

with her,

we are barely in touch.

We are connected on Facebook.

That is all.

Sometimes,

on her birthday.

On Mother's Day.

At times like those,

I sometimes receive a message.

I,

do not reply with text.

Just a reaction button.

That kind of distance,

has continued for over 10 years now.

◆ It was "I want to borrow"

There is something I don't want to be misunderstood.

Even the first 10,000 yen.

Even the 50,000 yen before she went to work in Singapore.

She,

did not say, "Please give me money."

What she said,

was,

"I want to borrow."

That was it.

If,

I become able to work in Singapore,

I will pay you back.

That is what she said.

I,

did not think,

that those words were a lie.

Rather,

I think it was her own way of being sincere.

However,

within me,

the answer was already decided.

If I am going to lend it, it is better to just give it.

I didn't want to have a relationship

where I expected repayment.

And,

if,

that money could change her life even a little.

I thought that would be enough.

To be honest,

I,

cannot blame her.

If,

I were in the same position.

If there was only one person,

in my life I could rely on.

I, too,

I am sure I would have relied on someone in the same way.

That is why,

simply put,

"It's dependency."

"She was just after the money."

I,

cannot say that.

When people,

are backed into a corner,

they reach out to a place they can rely on.

That,

might just be a very human thing to do.

◆No need to pay it back. But, I will not provide support anymore

After I returned from Singapore.

From her,

There was talk of wanting to pay me back.

However,

I refused.

You don't have to pay it back.

If you have that money,

it would be better to use it as funds to prepare for going abroad again.

That is what I told her.

And,

one more thing,

I wrote a message.

But, from now on, I will not provide any financial support at all.

That was,

my own way of drawing a line.

For goodwill, and

for protecting myself.

For both of those reasons,

it was a necessary phrase.

After that,

the last major update I received from her was,

I built a small house with the money I earned working abroad.

that was what it said.

I am glad.

Truly,

I am glad.

But,

I do not know

what her life has been like since then.

Right now,

what kind of days is she living?

How is her work?

Have her children grown up?

Is she happy?

Or,

is she still struggling?

Honestly,

I do not know.

Without knowing,

only time has passed.

◆I must not be complicit in her life any further

Before I knew it, I

little by little,

had come to think this way.

“Perhaps I should not be complicit in her life any further.”

Complicit.

That might be a slightly strong word.

But,

what feels closest to my own sense of it

is that word.

Support.

Goodwill.

International cooperation.

A feeling that cannot be explained

by such pretty words alone.

I was,

when I was 18,

her sponsor.

When I was tired from work,

I was also encouraged by her existence.

However,

I am not a person

who can take responsibility for her life.

And,

I must not take it on.

Perhaps,

I think I was finally starting to accept

that boundary line.

That is why,

even when I receive a message,

I only react.

That sense of distance

is, for me right now,

the most natural.

◆My daughter's school trip and the Philippines

This year,

my daughter

is scheduled to go

to the Philippines on a school trip.

And what's more,

by coincidence,

it is near the area where my foster child lives.

The content is

a program to learn about volunteer activities and

poverty issues.

Honestly,

I was a little surprised.

In my mind,

the story of my foster child had already become a thing of the past.

However,

in the Philippines,

even now,

there are poverty issues that remain.

My daughter

is going to see that reality.

This is

Is it just a coincidence?

Or,

is there some meaning to it?

I find myself,

thinking about things like that.

Should I,

try to get in touch?

Like in the old days,

should I listen to her stories?

But,

there is no answer.

◆Perhaps I want to see her. But...

Right after the support ended,

I used to think so.

Someday.

Somewhere.

It would be nice if we could meet, we said.

Right now,

honestly,

I don't even know myself if I want to see her.

If,

there is an opportunity.

If,

truly somewhere in life,

a day comes when we can meet.

Would I,

go?

I wonder if I won't go.

And,

what will happen to us after we meet?

Will we be able to talk like we used to?

Or,

will only more complex emotions remain?

What is the right thing to do?

For me right now,

there is still no answer.

◆I wonder what she thinks of me now

Sometimes,

I find myself thinking about it.

What does she

think of me

now?

A former sponsor

who suddenly appeared on Facebook after 15 years.

The person who lent me money.

The person who told me I didn't have to pay it back.

And,

"From now on, please do not ask me for money ever again."

The person who told her that.

What did she

think

at that time?

Was she hurt?

Did she understand?

Or,

was it a different emotion?

I do not know.

Perhaps,

from now on as well,

I think I will never know the truth.

But.

When I look at her Facebook profile,

in her Family section,

my name is still there, under "Sister."

That alone,

It has never changed.

The name of the person who appeared suddenly 15 years later,

lent money,

said it didn't need to be repaid,

and then,

told her that I would no longer provide financial support.

The meaning of that,

even now,

I cannot explain well.

◆Even so, I have no regrets

But,

there is one thing I can say clearly.

I,

have never once regretted,

becoming a foster parent at the age of 18.

After we reunited,

there were realities I hadn't imagined.

There were also many things,

that could not be solved by good intentions alone.

Even so.

When I had just started working,

exhausted by my job,

and on the verge of losing my confidence,

the existence of a girl in the distant Philippines supported me.

I thought I was the one providing support.

But,

looking back,

it might have been me who was being supported.

Even the fact that we reconnected on Facebook 15 years later,

I have no regrets.

It was precisely because of that time,

that we had that reunion.

Would it have been better to meet?

Would it have been better not to meet?

I still don't know the answer to that.

But,

the encounter with that foster child,

is certainly something that made my life a little richer.

◆If there is anyone who has learned about this system for the first time

And there is something I wish for.

If,

you read this article,

If there is anyone who has learned about the foster parent system or child sponsorship system for the first time.

Somewhere in the world,

that there are children who need the opportunity to receive an education,

I would be happy if you could remember that for a moment.

It does not have to be a large amount of support.

The 4,000 yen monthly support I started when I was 18,

became a part of someone's life.

And,

it also became a part of my own life.

I am still connected with her on Facebook.

Sometimes,

I look at her photos.

Sometimes,

I react to her birthday posts.

That is the extent of our relationship.

But,

perhaps that is enough.

Maybe I want to see her.

But,

I do not know what the right answer is.

Even so, I have never regretted this bond.

The bond that began back then,

I hold dear.

(End)

Related Articles

▶ Stories of a Philippine Foster Parent Part 1 | I became a foster parent in the Philippines at 18 | The 18-year-old me who wanted to be a Daddy Long Legs

▶ Stories of a Philippine Foster Parent Part 2 | My first year as a working adult, supported by a girl in a distant country | The existence like a younger sister in the Philippines who encouraged me

▶ Stories of a Philippine Foster Parent Part 3 | 15 years later, I found my foster child on Facebook | Our reunion that I thought would never happen

▶ Stories of a Foster Parent in the Philippines Part 4 | The Reality After a Moving Reunion | The Difficulty of "Direct Support" Taught Through International Aid

▶ Stories of a Foster Parent in the Philippines Part 5 | A Story of Wavering Between Good Intentions and Dependency | I Thought, "What If I Abandoned Her?"

Thank you for reading this series to the end.

This story,

may not be a success story of international aid,

nor a failure story.

It was simply,

a choice made by my 18-year-old self,

and a story of a bond that has continued over many years.

And,

this experience,

has become the origin of how I engage with international exchange and international aid today.

That small choice I made at 18,

I believe, was my very first step in connecting with the world.

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