For those who are troubled by 'expectations'

When you have something you want to do, but
you just can't seem to decide... within the swirling thoughts,
there are often:

・What will the people around me think?
・What if I can't live up to their expectations?
・They are supporting me, so I feel guilty.

I often used to have feelings like anxiety, fear,
and a sense of shame all jumbled up
inside me.

Furthermore,
I would try to push myself even harder, thinking,
“Oh... is this living for others?” or
“I should be prioritizing my own feelings more, right?”

In the past, I used to think,
“Ah, this is my bad habit...”

But as I continued to observe myself, I realized that
rather than it being a problem of emotions like
anxiety, fear, and shame,
I could see a reason that lay a little deeper.

This time,
when you have the desire to do something but can't move,
let's look at what is happening in your heart
from the perspective of 'expectations'.

▶We make choices within our relationships

We do not
live alone.

That is precisely why
・people who support us
・people who help us
・people who trust us
we start to consider our choices
within our relationships with them.

Even though you truly think, “I want to try this!”
・I don't want to disappoint them
・I don't want to make them worry
・I want to be someone who does things right

Because those feelings tend to come first,
your own true feelings have become
a little harder to see.

It may be happening precisely because you value
the relationship more than yourself.

▶Being concerned about expectations is not a bad thing

Here, the first thing I want you to feel reassured about is that
'being concerned about someone's expectations'
is not a bad thing in itself.

Being concerned about expectations
is also proof that you value your relationship with that person
.

Rather than trying to force yourself to switch gears by thinking,
“I should try not to worry about expectations,”

“Oh, I am currently
concerned about being expected to do something.”

And, sometimes it is more important to
realize that you are bothered by it.

▶ Where do those expectations come from?

If you find yourself continuing to feel lost,
please try asking yourself these questions.

By interjecting even one question from the perspective of "you, who are bearing the weight of these expectations,"
don't you feel like you've been able to put a little distance between yourself and them?

Just by doing this,
I think you will find it easier to calmly
sort through your thoughts and emotions.

▶ What lies beneath the desire to meet expectations

There is one more thing
that I would like you to observe for a moment.

Why do you want to meet those "expectations"?
・Because you want to feel secure?
・Because you want to maintain trust?
・Because you want to continue your relationship with that person?

Once you can see this,
the outline of "how you want to choose" will
begin to emerge.

The core of the "invisible sense of expectation" I felt
when I myself was unable to move

was the thought,
"I want to maintain a relationship of trust."

I could really feel that they were supporting me,
and even though they were teaching me so carefully,

a sense of conviction just wouldn't grow within me,
so I couldn't take action, but...

Continuing to move forward without a foothold for conviction
felt "insincere" to me.

I wasn't being blamed for anything like that, though.

▶ There is meaning in the time you spend standing still

The time you spend standing still
because you are bothered by someone else's expectations,

It is not that it is 'time that cannot be decided'.

While cherishing the relationship,
it is time spent trying to choose carefully

That is what I think it is.

You do not need to blame yourself
for not being able to move forward or make a decision.

Try laying out both your expectations and your true feelings
and looking at them for a moment.

It is okay not to rush to find an answer.

Besides, depending on the timing,
a completely different answer may emerge.

The fact that your answer changes
does not mean you are wavering,
nor does it mean you lack consistency.

That time itself,
and each of the answers that emerged,
can sometimes support your future choices.

I hope this article
will serve as a clue
when you want to move forward but cannot.

Well then, until next time.

Thank you for reading this article
to the end as well.

▼ Click here for contact ▼

I want to be a place where we can look at your 'quiet true feelings' together.
When you need to, please reach out from here.

I have also organized other articles
by theme according to sensations.

There might be something
close to what you are feeling right now.
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