【I'm sorry, I was truly wrong】The honest feelings my child returned to me when I apologized

This is my third year of receiving counseling.

I am aiming to become a counselor.

My name is Rin Koshiba.

To those who always read my posts,

and to those who are here for the first time,

thank you for finding your way to my article.

Thank you.

The other day,

I went out with my second child who lives apart from me.

A casual conversation led to the topic of our past marital arguments.

When my child opened up with their honest feelings,

saying, "I hated it back then,"

these were the words that naturally came out of my mouth:

"Of course you did. You must have hated it.

When I was a child,

I saw my own parents fighting and I hated it too.

I am so sorry that I showed you something that I myself hated.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

I was truly wrong. I can see why you would hate that."

My child nodded, saying "Yeah, yeah"

and looked somewhat relieved.

Then, my child continued.

"At that time, I actually wanted to live with Mom.

I wanted you to let me choose who to live with."

I was shocked.

When I was leaving the house, we talked about what to do,

and my older children said, "We'll stay in this house."

At the time, I interpreted that as

"They chose to live with my ex-husband."

Thinking back now, my assumption at the time was

"I'm just a terrible mother who is hated anyway."

So,

staying in the house = they prefer Dad = I have no financial power and I'm hated, so

they must be happier with Dad than with me,

and I was spinning a grand "delusion."

But that wasn't it.

What my child wanted was

"to live in that house together with Mom."

Until I realized my own selfish assumptions

It took quite a long time.

From there, the conversation went on non-stop for over two hours!

Talk about grandpa and grandma, memories from when the child was little,

work, friends, and even views on marriage.

Even the details of my work, which I hadn't been able to talk about until now,

I was able to convey directly on this day.

In the midst of that, my child said,

I want to live with you, Mom.

If it were the old me,

I have to do something about it because I'm the parent!

I don't want to be disliked! I probably would have tried desperately to respond.

But, I am different now.

The current house doesn't allow pets, so it's physically impossible.
(The child has a pet)

And,

Because if I'm with Mom, I won't have to do chores,

In response to the child's words,
(Hey now, I'm not a housekeeper! Haha)

while thinking that to myself,

I was able to tell them as an equal that what I can't do, I can't do.

Even if we were to live together in the future,

doing everything for them isn't love.

They are already at an age where they can be independent, and rules are necessary.

Being able to think that way is also a major change in me.

And there is one more important fact I must share.

I have remarried.

It was also a day where I felt in my bones

that the day to tell my child about this is drawing near.

The old me used to shoulder everything alone

and would shut my heart away, thinking, 'I'm no good anyway.'

But now, I have my current husband,

a 'foundation of security.'

My conversations with my child, my own hesitations,

there is someone who shares everything and faces it with me.

My husband knows that I am writing this note,

and that I have been attending counseling

without fail for three years.

And he supports my dream of wanting to live as a counselor

with all his heart.

I cannot express how much being able to think,

'I don't have to carry this alone,' has freed my heart,

and given me the strength to face my child

as an equal human being.

Right now, I am in a place of absolute security where I can speak honestly with him.

Having cast off the heavy armor of being a "useless mother,"

my way of being and my perspective have changed.

No matter what happens from here on out, I am sure it will be okay.

Just as my child melted their frozen heart and spoke their true feelings to me,

this was an event that made me decide once again

to live my own life sincerely and honestly.

To those who, like I once did,

are suffering while trying to justify themselves,

or those struggling with their relationships with their families:

Through counseling,

I help people face themselves

and rebuild bonds with their loved ones.

"I don't have any problems, but I just feel like talking to this person"

"I just want someone to listen to what I have to say right now"

People like that are also very welcome.

Even if you think you don't have any problems,

by talking to someone, you might realize for the first time

that there is something "weighing on your heart."

If your heart is moved even a little

please feel free to jump in just as you are.

Currently, as I begin my activities as a counselor,

I am looking for monitor participants.

【Monitor Details】

Time: 45 minutes
Fee: 1,500 yen
Format: Zoom (You may have your camera ON or OFF)

Applications are currently closed.