14. What are the "Three Arrows" needed for parenting?
↑ Thank you for reading yesterday's article as well 😊
Today is the second installment of the "Three Arrows" series!
1. Introduction
What are the "Three Arrows needed for parenting," which are even more difficult than the "Three Arrows needed for entrance exams"?
I believe that for entrance exams, there are clear "three arrows": "academic ability," "mental strength," and "strategic ability." The goals are clear, and to some extent, you can see what needs to be done.
But parenting doesn't have that.
You can't see the "correct answer."
There is no set "finish line" either.
That is precisely why I think parenting is so difficult!
I have thought about what the "Three Arrows of Parenting" are, and I would like to write an article about it.
2. The First Arrow: "Love" and "Understanding"
Having "love" and "understanding" for your child is the most important thing.
I believe parental love is essential for a child to grow up with peace of mind.
Through love and understanding, the most important thing for a child, "self-esteem," is nurtured.
If they have self-esteem, it will become the strength to overcome various things in their later life!
3. The Second Arrow: "Education" and "Environment"
Appropriate "education" and "environment" are important for a child's growth.
A long time ago, when my child was attending a public elementary school, there was a student who was such an incredible reader that they had read every book in the school library.
However, after that, they had to do most of the housework at home, and they had to go to a part-time job in high school, so it seems the education and environment were not very good.
In the end, it seems they have been living a life of part-time jobs since graduating from high school.
I couldn't have imagined it from their reading volume in elementary school, and seeing how things turned out, I strongly felt the importance of "education" and "environment" once again.
4. The Third Arrow: "The Parent's Own Stability"
You have "love" and "understanding," and "education" and "environment" are also fine.
Even so, why...? Have you ever felt that way?
For example,
Getting irritated by something your child did.
Wanting to do things for your child, but being too tired to find the energy.
Feeling depressed when comparing your parenting to that of other capable mothers.
In the midst of such days, I realized something.
Could the truly necessary "third arrow" be...
Could it be the parent's own stability? I think so...
No matter how much love and understanding you have,
no matter how wonderful the education or environment is,
if the parent themselves is unstable, I think it will be conveyed to the child and have a negative impact.
Children are truly sensitive to the weather of their parent's heart.
They look happy on sunny days, quietly observe on cloudy days,
and on stormy days, don't they seem to make themselves small and take cover?
I feel like I was the same way when I was a child.
5. Summary
So, what should we do?
Well, there is no such thing as a perfect parent in this world, so it's okay.
There are sunny days, cloudy days, and even stormy days, because we are human!
Let's acknowledge ourselves for "doing our best" through all those different days!
Think, "I scolded them today, but I'll try to smile a bit more tomorrow!"
I believe that leads to peace of mind for the children and the family.
Now I realize that it's important for parents not to try too hard and to accept themselves.
If you feel like you are "not doing a good job" right now,
I believe that feeling itself is already proof of your love for your child.
Parents go through all sorts of things every day, too.
So, let's take a deep breath.
Let's have some tea or coffee and take a break.
When things feel overwhelming, let's shift our perspective and say, "Oh well, it's fine."
That will surely lead to the happiness of you and your child, and your family tomorrow.
Parenting is a daily accumulation without scores or evaluations...
but what you have accumulated is definitely connected to the child's future.
We who worry about our children one way or another every day...
I believe that is the best kind of parenting!!