What Little Hands Taught Me

Introduction

That day, within just 24 hours, I experienced the greatest joy and the deepest confusion of my life.

A new life I had been hoping for for years.
The little being I finally met was so precious it made me tremble, and I felt nothing but gratitude.

But the next day, the reality I was confronted with.
The silence of the hospital room, the doctor's words, the tears that kept flowing.
That day I looked up at the sky and asked, "Why me again?"
I will never forget it as long as I live.

This is a record of the days a father, who has overcome depression and cancer in the past, began to walk with a "new life."
Crying, worrying, but even so—

there were so many things
that those little hands taught me.

どうか、この物語が、
誰かの胸にそっと寄り添うものでありますように。

~Main Text~

That day when the new life was born.
I will never forget that moment.

How many times had it been?
The days we chose the path of micro-insemination and kept trying to conceive.
Hoping, then falling apart, crying, and standing up again.
The day we finally found out a little life was growing inside, we were wrapped in joy beyond words.
There was also the anxiety of an older pregnancy.

Even so, we were waiting from the bottom of our hearts for the day we could meet this child.
And finally, the first cry was heard.

Little hands. Little feet. A little body.
Crying with all its might, breathing, and jumping into our world.
Just that alone made my tears overflow.
But the next day, the situation took a sudden turn.

The little one was rushed to a large hospital in an emergency.
In an atmosphere that felt like something serious was happening, we were called to a separate room and received an explanation from the doctor.
"There is a high possibility of Down syndrome."
Those words echoed in my head,

and my thoughts stopped in an instant.

My wife was crying quietly.
I just stood there, and eventually, tears flowed as if a dam had broken.
Why—
Why test us again?

I have suffered from depression in the past.
I have also experienced cancer and risked my life to overcome it.

Just when I thought I had finally attained peaceful days,
I thought, is God testing us again?
However,
this child in front of me has done nothing wrong.

They were born into this world by their own power.
While grasping the weight of life with little hands.
The one and only existence that came to us.
The moment I thought that,

my heart began to unravel little by little.
This child chose us and came to us.
And surely, they came to teach us something.

So I want to respond.
So that they can think, "I'm glad I came."
Let's love them as "that child," not as a disease name.
Let's walk together at this child's pace.

The night I solidified that determination,
little hands gripped my finger tightly.

As if to say, "I understand."
Three years have passed since then.
Just like that day,

when sleeping, those little hands are always holding mine.
That is the greatest reward of all.
Our angel is here today, too,
embracing so much love, smiles, and the future.

Afterword

The one and only life that came to us.
Even if it was in a form slightly different from what we planned—
still, this child "chose" us and came here.
More than any disease name, more than any diagnosis,
what comes first is this child's "existence."


The warmth of those little hands gripping my finger taught me the greatest miracle of all: that they are "alive."
Life is not something to be loved conditionally.
Life is not something given because we "want it to be this way."Life is precious just by being there.

そして、それが「あなたを選んだ」という事実こそが、かけがえのない贈り物なのだと、私はこの3年間で何度も実感してきました。

The life that visited you also
surely has some meaning and has come to tell you something.
There may be times when you feel crushed by anxiety.
But that life chose this world to live with you.

Please, do not forget that.

Thank you for reading until the end.

　　　Thank you very much.

🌱 If this article touched your heart,
I would be happy if you could follow me.

I will continue to carefully write words that can gently stay by your side in your time.


Because I want to deliver what a little life taught me to even more people—