Maybe I just like people too much #36
I am
not very good at communicating with others.
Even when I try to start a conversation,
I can't think of what to say.
Even when someone talks to me,
I can't respond well.
“Was that the wrong way to say that?”
“I wonder what that person thought.”
I end up thinking only about things like that.
After meeting people,
the self-reflection in my head never stops.
I should have said it like that back then.
What did that expression mean?
While I keep thinking about it,
sometimes I get so exhausted that I can't do anything.
That's why I've always thought
that I am a person who isn't very good at socializing.
But recently, I had a sudden thought.
Maybe I
don't dislike people, but just like them too much,
perhaps.
The difficult thing about interacting with people is
that a person's inner self cannot be seen from the outsideI think.
Interactions between people
are not just superficial words and actions,
but also include the feelings hidden deep within,
and I think they intersect in complex ways.
But that “inside”
is not something that can be seen.
That is why people
all deal with those invisible things
differently, I think.
People who decide not to worry about what they can't see.
People who try to imagine it as much as possible.
People who cannot treat invisible things
as if they don't exist.
I am surely
the type whose imagination dives a little too deep.
Because it's invisible,
I imagine things deep inside.
I keep searching forever
for the answers to questions that can never be verified.
That, I am sure,
is the true nature of my difficulty in living.
If we are talking only about ease of living,
I am sure it would be much easier
to live by looking only at what is visible.
Even so,
I end up trying to see what is invisible.
But is that really
a bad thing?
Certainly, it can be very exhausting.
It's not efficient,
and it might be a clumsy way to live.
Even so,
trying to see what is invisible
is not a bad thing at all, I think.
Consideration and care for others,
being close to someone's heart.
Those things, I am sure,
are born only when you try to imagine a person's inner self.
They cannot be seen with the eyes,
but they are certainly there.
Being able to treat such things
properly as “things that exist.”
I think that is exactly
what human warmth is.
“Was that the wrong way to say that?”
“I wonder what that person thought.”
The time spent worrying in that way
might seem like a waste.
But I am sure that it is also
an expression of the feeling of trying to be close
to someone's invisible heart.
It's okay not to know the answer.
There is no need to feel like you understand.
Even so,
trying to understand.
Trying to imagine.
I think that feeling itself
is something precious as a human being.
The existence of “people” who can have such a heart,
how warm and
how wonderful they are, I think.
Thinking that way,
I guess I really
might just like people too much.
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