Can My Perfectionist Self Forgive Me? #8

Perfectionism.

When I hear the word "perfect,"
it sounds somewhat excellent.

But true "perfection"
surely doesn't exist anywhere.

Even so, I
find myself chasing after it.

I could have done more.
It's still not enough.
I have to do it properly.

I pile up endless ideals,
and blame myself for not reaching them.

That person I think is "perfect"
and unconsciously compare myself to,
surely has an imperfect side too.

But,
even if I find that person's imperfections,
I don't think they are no good.

Then why is it that I
cannot forgive myself?

We are not machines.
We have emotions and we have limits.

There are days when things don't go well,
and days when I just can't move at all.

I feel like I have to be proper,
I feel like I have to be strong.

By trying to be perfect,
perhaps I am protecting myself from anxiety.

Giving up perfectionism
might be the act of
quietly giving myself permission to be forgiven.

It's okay to have days when I can't do it.
It's okay to remain incomplete.

…Honestly, there are days when I can't think that way.

I end up comparing myself anyway,
and I end up disappointed in myself anyway.

But, not blaming myself
for "having days when I can't forgive myself."

That, too, is surely
a small step
toward letting go of perfectionism.

It's okay not to quit perfectly.

Even if I waver, a little at a time is fine.

Even if there are days I can't forgive myself well,
that is also part of who I am.

It is precisely because we are not perfect that we are human.
In fact, we are human because we are not perfect.

Perhaps,
being able to forgive yourself
is what it truly means
to be able to forgive others.

Because if you are too hard on yourself,
without realizing it,
you become hard on the world too.

So today,
I think I will try to forgive
my imperfect self.

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