I'm an INFJ, but I don't understand people's feelings #68
My MBTI is INFJ.
When you look at the characteristics of an INFJ, the first thing that comes up is
“highly insightful and understands people's feelings.”
But I often feel like
I don't understand people's feelings.I've always felt a sense of discomfort with this contradiction.
When I'm talking to people,
I often don't feel anything in particular at the time.
But later on,
I realize, “Maybe that’s what they meant.”
Every time that happens,
I wonder why I couldn't notice it back then.
When I thought about why this happens,
I realized one thing.
Perhaps I am using my consciousness
for “processing” rather than “feeling”
in the moment.
What is the conversation about right now,
and what should I say?
Or, would it be better not to say anything?
While following that exchange,
I am trying to memorize it at the same time.
Perhaps at that point,
my internal processing is full.
That's why
I don't have the capacity to receive the other person's feelings in the moment.
But later, when I have some space,I open up my memories one by one,
and rethink their meanings.
Maybe I'm not the type to feel things in the moment,
but the type who understands them after taking them home.
To use an analogy,
it's not like translating in real-time,
but more like recording it first and translating it slowly later.
Even if I can't receive it well in the moment,I can pick up on the fine nuances afterward.
I've even thought,
“Am I really an INFJ?”
I've retaken the test many times.
But the result was always INFJ.
Sometimes you can understand people's feelings immediately,
and sometimes it takes time to finally see them.
I used to think of myself as someone who “doesn't understand” because I couldn't notice things immediately,
but maybe that wasn't true.
Thinking about it over and over again, even later, to try and understand.
I think that in itself is my “power to care for others.”
“Understanding people's feelings” doesn't just mean knowing them immediately.
Trying to understand, even if it takes time, is surely just as meaningful.
It is often said that being an INFJ is difficult.
I do feel that way sometimes.
Even so, I cannot hate this nature of mine,
which has a strong desire to think about others' feelings
and a strong sense of empathy.
That is why I want to
avoid denying this way of being.
Including the fact that I fall under the label of INFJ,
while feeling a little bit proud of it.
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