Gratitude Diary 171* When I stopped resisting, the flow changed.

2025.6.19

Good morning!
This is Niji🌈

Yesterday, as if the pent-up feelings I'd had until now were a lie, I was able to head home with a smile.

Until yesterday, even when I went to work in the morning, I felt a certain heaviness in my spirit.

As for me, both the day before yesterday and yesterday, I moved forward thinking I would just do what I could without trying too hard, and I didn't feel anything particularly different, but today something changed.

When dealing with the children, I tried to focus 100% of my attention on them, but I was careful to make sure that the feeling of trying to move them by thinking 'you must do this' was at 0%.

I kept to my own stance, and I interacted with them as myself. Regarding my partner teacher, I tried not to be strangely sycophantic or overly considerate, and instead focused on conveying my gratitude.

And then, well, look at that.
Could it be that the flow has changed?

When I spent my time thinking I would just let myself go with the flow without resisting, time passed mysteriously, and the situation changed.

Things like this really do happen.

Even though I was so pent up thinking things weren't going well, the moment I stopped resisting, the situation improved immediately.

Although the medication played a part, on days when I struggled with the interactions between the children and the teachers, and I reached my breaking point alone and went home crying, I never thought a day like this would come.

I am so happy that I was able to go home with a calm heart and a smile.

I spend more than a third of my day at work.
Whether I make that time a comfortable one,
or an uncomfortable one,
I think the difference is quite significant.

Precisely because it is an environment I chose myself,
I want to give it my all until I am satisfied,
and do what I can.

That is what I think.

Even if it seems like a detour, if I just let myself go with the flow and keep a light heart, thinking 'I'll just take a little side trip,' it sometimes turns out to be a shortcut after all.

That is what I thought.

By the way, I started a full-scale reduction of my medication yesterday.
First, I'm reducing it from 2mg to 1.5mg and maintaining that.

Thank you for reading again today!

Finally Friday!
I did my best this week too!

See you again 🤲

(999 characters so far! Lucky to have repeating numbers! Thank you, thank you, thank you!)

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