Inner Child and Emotions

Today, I would like to write about topics related to the inner child.
I really want everyone to know about the inner child.
The difference between understanding this and not understanding it is like the difference between sitting on a hard plastic chair and sitting on a fluffy sofa,
or perhaps the difference in comfort, exhilaration, and ease in life between riding a bicycle that creaks every time you pedal for 10km and driving a Lamborghini for 10km.
By the way, I've never actually ridden in a Lamborghini.

So, today is a story about a workshop I attended a very long time ago.
It was clearly 15 years ago, but I cannot forget that shock.
Even now, that intense space comes to mind vividly.
At the time, I was living in Germany.
My partner invited me, saying it would be interesting, and being innocent, I went without any prior knowledge.

It was a therapy workshop by a certain organization called '... Meditation,' which is a workshop that those who know, know.

There were fewer than 10 participants, a small group, with about half women and half men. I'd guess everyone's age was around 30 to 60.

Then, someone who seemed to be the instructor began to explain.
Since I didn't understand German at the time, I probably didn't understand anything at all.
Because I don't remember anything (laughs).
That kind of thing was an everyday occurrence for me, so it didn't bother me.
I always pretended to understand and acted like I was listening.

Without understanding anything, it began.
Intense music started playing from the speakers.
And suddenly, a man started yelling.
Surprised by the loud voice, I looked around and saw everyone else starting to scream one after another.
It was a time to pair up, look each other in the face, and just yell at each other.

At first, I didn't understand what was going on, so no one came to me and things proceeded on their own. But once I finally understood, I thought I had to do it, so I went to someone who was left alone and yelled. The other person yelled back. It is very difficult to complain to someone you have never met and are meeting for the first time in this place, and not knowing what to say, at first I shouted whatever insults came to mind, like 'You jerk' or 'What's your problem?' Eventually, I got into it, and terrible things like 'Gah,' 'Shut up,' and 'What's with that face?' started coming out of my mouth.
I went through adolescence like everyone else, had many fights with my sisters, and knew how to spout insults, so various things came out as if I had been set on fire. And another point was that we kept changing partners. Maybe it's because if you do it with one person, it turns into a real fight?
Then, a certain woman caught my eye.
She was German and should have known what to do, but she wasn't yelling.
However, since that session wasn't a time to think about others, I let it slide at the time.

And while I was yelling frantically, the music changed.
It was the next stage.
Since I already understood the direction, I could understand what to do by looking around.
Yes, everyone around me was crying.

Thinking, 'It's not like I can just cry on command,' I still tried to keep up by desperately trying to think of sad things, but hmm, it's difficult.
And the best thing was pretending to cry.
Usually, you cry after feeling sad,
but here, by conversely pretending to cry in an exaggerated way, the soul of an actress dwells within, and tears come out.
Once you start crying, even sad emotions come out for a few seconds.
Though if you don't concentrate, you immediately return to normal...

And next, it changed to a light rhythm,
and when I looked to see what it was, it seemed to be a stage where you transform into a freak.
This is my specialty! (laughs)
Switched on to broken, freak mode.

I wasn't looking at those around me much, but I think I was the number one freak.
The feeling that there is a monster inside me.
It feels like the monster is dancing happily, going 'hee hee hee'.
I tried running on all fours and laughing with a weird face.
It was so much fun (laughs).
I have an image that not everyone was very good at this stage.
Did they get turned off by looking at me? (laughs)

And next, just laughing.

This also takes a knack,
but you know how humans have an instinct to start laughing when someone else laughs?
Thanks to that, I cleared it without difficulty.
Gold medal to the person who laughed first.

And next was the reverse version of the first stage, where we walked around, made eye contact with individuals, and said a certain line. Was it 'I see the Buddha within you'? It was a line like that, and it felt like we were just respecting each other.

And finally, it ended with a stage where we closed our eyes and became nothing.

I guess I could become nothing because it was after crying, screaming, and rolling around so much. My mind felt completely blank and still.

The workshop started and ended like a raging storm, but afterwards,
I understood various things, thinking, 'I see.'
Since I entered with zero knowledge and only experience, I think that might be why I was able to just focus on it without any preconceived notions.

What I understood in this workshop was the nature of emotions.
That thing I had been feeling and acting on automatically until now.
By experiencing it manually, I was able to learn about its different types.
And I realized that every emotion—even those with a negative image like anger, sadness, or perhaps even perversion? Haha—is something everyone possesses and is important.
Emotions are somehow exquisitely interconnected and influence each other; they are mysterious yet beautiful. How animalistic and yet how divine they are.
I also understood that not a single one of them can be missing.
Suppressing one affects the others as well.
They are also very delicate things.

Well, this has become long, sothe main topic of the inner child will be in the next part