I will no longer pretend to be fine. [Things Kotonoha decided 'not to do' ③ Lying to oneself]

My pretending to be fine
wore the face of protecting me
but it was destroying me.

"I am fine."
"I do not mind."
"It is nothing of importance."

The days I spent smiling like that,
was it to protect someone?

Or was it
because I was afraid to admit that I was hurt?

In truth, I was sad.
In truth, I was hurt.
In truth, I was not smiling at all.

But locking away those true feelings,
and wearing the mask of 'pretending to be fine',
had become my 'habit of living'.

So as not to ruin the atmosphere.
So as not to be disliked.
So as not to be a 'troublesome person'.

And so, I'my true feelings'have erased the existence of, over and over again.

But, I have realized it now.

That kindness was not for someone else, but
a form of violence that left the 'true me' behind...

I will no longer lie to myself.

I do not have to smile to cover up my true feelings.
It is okay to cry.
Whether I get angry or stay silent,

being honest with myself is more important than anything else.

When I decide to face
the words I have kept silent,
the world begins to change quietly.

💌 To you

How much 'pretending to be fine' did you spend your day doing?

'If I don't mind, everything will be fine'
'If only I endure it'
Were there not voices that sank deep into your heart like that?

If those voices are still trembling within you...

please, let us go and welcome those true feelings together.

You do not have to lie to yourself anymore.