My habit of blaming myself changed little by little by writing down my 'thoughts' | The power of self-dialogue notes
When I made a small mistake at work.
"Why do I make mistakes on such simple things?"
When a colleague didn't greet me.
"Did I do something to make them dislike me?"
When my husband looked grumpy.
"Did I say something that bothered him without realizing it?"
I was always walking on eggshells around others.
So, whenever I saw someone's attitude or made a mistake myself,
I would conclude that "it's all my fault" and blame myself.
But that had become so normal for me,
that I didn't even realize it myself.
One day, someone said this to me.
"Harumi, aren't you blaming yourself?"
With those words, I realized it for the first time.
"Huh? I'm always blaming myself."
Don't you also, just like me,
blame yourself because of
someone else's attitude or your own mistakes?
What I learned from self-dialogue notes
When I learned about self-dialogue notes, the first thing I was taught was
"to separate facts from emotions (thoughts)."
At first,
"What does that mean?"
I thought.
But by knowing this way of thinking,
my heart became a little more at ease.
For example,
I made a mistake at work.
A colleague didn't greet me.
My husband looked grumpy.
This is the extent of the facts.
Just write down the events that occurred.
Without adding thoughts like,
"Did they dislike me?"
"Are they angry?"
"It was my fault."
Actually, this part about 'Did they hate me?' or 'It was my fault'
is not a fact.
It is a thought I created in my head.
Perhaps the other person was just busy.
Perhaps they were just lost in thought.
Perhaps they were just feeling unwell.
I don't know the real reason.
Even so, I chose the answer that would make me suffer the most
on my own, and decided that 'I am at fault'.
In other words, I was creating a world where I blame myself.
Just by writing down my thoughts, my perspective changed
Since realizing this,
I have started opening my notebook whenever something happens.
'Is this a fact?'
'Or is it my thought?'
As I write while asking myself these questions,
I began to see the habits of thinking
that I had previously taken for granted.
I had
'I don't want to be hated.'
'I have to do things properly.'
'I have to do my job perfectly.'
I was holding onto many such assumptions.
That is why I would blame myself even for minor events.
But by writing down my thoughts, I became able to take a step back
and think, 'Is that really true?'
What changed after 8 years of keeping a notebook
I have been writing a self-dialogue notebook for 8 years.
Of course, there are still days when I feel down.
There are days when I am about to blame myself.
But I almost never continue to blame myself for days on end
like I used to.
'Oh, I'm about to blame myself again.'
That is because I have become able to notice my own thoughts like that.
The habit of blaming yourself does not change in a day.
But as you continue to write down your thoughts,
the scenery you see will change little by little.
A self-dialogue notebook is a notebook for
noticing your true feelings, understanding yourself,
and cherishing yourself.
If blaming yourself has become second nature to you right now,
please try writing it down in a notebook just once.
"What is the fact that just happened?"
"What am I thinking about right now?"
Just by writing these two things separately,
your heart should start to feel a little lighter.
Thank you for reading until the end.
In this space,
with the theme of **"When your thinking changes, your life, parenting, and work also change,"** I share small joys found in daily life and tips for cherishing yourself.
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