How I stopped feeling down about no replies to my Instagram DMs by shifting from 'expecting a reply' to 'delivering a message'
The ZOOM meeting where I couldn't speak
There was a ZOOM meeting in the online salon I participate in.
Whenever there are three or more people, I suddenly become unable to speak.
I don't know when or what I should say,
and in the end, that day also ended without me saying a word.
Strangely, I didn't feel down about it here,
I just reaffirmed, 'Ah, this is what I'm not good at.'
Feeling down because there was no reply to my DM
But the next day.
I sent my thoughts on the meeting and my feelings about the upcoming course via Instagram DM,
but there was no reply.
In that moment, my mood just sank.
'Is it because I didn't speak up yesterday?'
'Did I write something off-base again?'
Such thoughts started spinning around in my head.
I tried writing them out just as they were in my notebook,
but I couldn't quite feel relieved,
and as I wrote over and over again,
I was searching for 'words that could calm me down.'
The assumption that 'I will get a reply'
At that moment, while consulting with AI, I realized something.
I had been thinking,
'If I send a message, I will get a reply.'
Of course, basically there are many times when I do get a reply,
but in the world of social media, it's quite normal for there to be no reply, isn't it?
Even so, I was sending messages
with the 'premise that I would get a reply.'
That's why I realized that when I didn't get a reply,
it was so painful.
Placing words as 'things to deliver'
So, I decided on one thing.
Messages are
not things to get a reply to, but things to deliver.
They are things to gently leave behind, like my own words.
Once I decided that, my feelings strangely began to settle.
My fear of writing softened
Even in my online salon,
I had a fear of writing messages,
and even with social media comments, I hesitated even though I really wanted to write them.
But,
'It's enough just to deliver them'
once I could think that way, my heart felt suddenly lighter.
I don't have to try to write perfectly.
I don't have to try to convey things skillfully.
I just need to leave my words as they are right now.
When I was able to think that way,
a little bit of quiet settled inside me.
The difference in the energy carried by words
Actually, I sometimes feel more nervous
about messages to people I know.
Conversely, I find that I prefer
the words I write when my heart is moved
by someone I don't know.
Perhaps that's because there's no unnecessary pressure there.
I feel that the energy as it is
is carried directly into the words.
Continuing to be on the delivering side
I want to continue being on the side that delivers words.
Even if there are days when I am swayed by reactions,
I will keep coming back to this place.
Self-dialogue journals are not so much magic that changes your life, but they have created a place where I can return to myself again and again.
If right now,
If you don't really understand your own feelings,
and you want to know what you truly want,
if you are feeling that way.
Right now,I am preparing a paid article on note about self-dialogue journals.
Rather than teaching you how to do it,
this article is meant to create time for you to return to your true self.
As soon as it is ready, I will announce it on Threads and note.
May it gently reach those who need it.
There is more from Harumi's posts 🌿
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