Easy Communication Series - Chapter 1: What kind of person is 'socially awkward'?

"I'm socially awkward, so I'm not good at talking to people."

Have you ever heard those words?

Perhaps some of you even feel that way about yourselves.

When faced with someone you've just met, you don't know what to say.

When the conversation stops, you feel awkward.

Even though you want to talk to someone, you worry, "What if I say something weird?" and end up not speaking.

After talking to someone,

"Did I say that the right way?"
"Did they think I was an unpleasant person?"

You find yourself reflecting on it over and over again.

When these experiences continue,

"I guess I really am socially awkward."

You might end up thinking that.

But the term "socially awkward" is not a label that defines who you truly are.

It is a word often used to express the difficulties or anxieties one feels in interactions with others.

Being quiet doesn't necessarily mean you are "socially awkward"

When you hear "socially awkward," you might imagine someone who is quiet and can barely speak in front of others.

However, people who struggle with communication are not necessarily quiet.

For example, some people are so afraid of silence that they keep talking without giving the other person a chance to speak.

While the other person is in the middle of sharing their own experience,

"I've had that happen to me too."
"In my case, it was even worse."

Some people switch the conversation to themselves like this.

The person might actually be trying to empathize with the other person.

However, the person who was speaking might feel:

"I wasn't finished talking yet."
"They took the conversation away from me."

They may feel this way.

There are also people who always listen to others but cannot talk about themselves at all.

Some people may be so careful not to be disliked by others that they feel completely exhausted by the time they get home.

In other words, there are many different forms of difficulty in communication.

Being able to talk and being good at communication are different things

When we see people who can talk a lot, we sometimes think:

"It's nice that they are good at conversation."
"I wish I could talk like that too."

We sometimes think this.

However, talking a lot and being good at communication are not the same thing.

This is because a conversation is not something that can be completed by one person alone.

I speak.

The other person listens.

The other person speaks.

I listen.

By passing words back and forth to each other like that, a conversation continues.

If only one person keeps talking, or conversely, if neither person says anything, the exchange will not continue well.

What is important is not talking a lot, but having small back-and-forth exchanges with the other person.

4-panel comic: 'I thought I was empathizing'

Honoka's comment

It's not that talking about an experience similar to the other person's is bad.

Sometimes, telling them 'I went through the same thing' can make the other person feel at ease.

However, if you move on to your own story before the other person has finished theirs, they might feel like they weren't heard.

In such cases, before talking about your own experience, try saying one thing back to them, such as:

'That must have been tough,'
'Are you still busy now?'
'Are you getting some rest?'

Try saying one of those back to them.

After that,

'Actually, I had a similar experience too,'

If you say that, it's easier to have a conversation where you share experiences rather than taking over the other person's story.

It's okay. You can change one step at a time♪

You might not be bad at communication; you might just not know the methods yet.

When things don't go well in your interactions with others,

"I have a bad personality."
"I have no talent for socializing."

Sometimes we jump to these conclusions.

But is that really the case?

Someone who interrupts others might not be uninterested in them, but perhaps just wanted to convey that they "understand, too."

Someone who keeps talking might not want to stand out, but perhaps was afraid of silence.

Someone who cannot speak at all might not be uninterested in others, but perhaps had a strong desire not to fail.

Behind every action, there are individual anxieties and reasons.

Of course, having a reason doesn't mean anything goes.

When you have hurt someone, it is necessary to reflect and change how you communicate.

But it is okay not to keep blaming yourself harshly.

First, start by

"I might have a habit of talking too much in these situations."
"It seems I overthink things in front of others."
"I often find it hard to say no when I'm in the listener role."

noticing these things.

That awareness becomes the first step toward changing little by little.

You don't have to lump everything together under the term "socially awkward."

"I am socially awkward." If you say that, you might feel as though you are completely unsuited for communication.

However, in reality,

• there are people who struggle with first meetings but can talk once they become friends.

• Someone who is not good with large groups, but can talk calmly one-on-one.

• Someone who gets nervous face-to-face, but can communicate carefully through writing.

• Someone who is not good at speaking up, but can listen to others attentively.

　In this way, it is often the case that there are situations you are good at and situations you are not.

　Therefore,

"I'm no good because I'm socially awkward"

　Instead of grouping yourself together like that,

"What kind of situations do I struggle with?"

　Let's look at it in a bit more detail.

　If you know which situations you struggle with, it becomes easier to find ways to try and improve.

Today's small practice mission

　Today, let's try to recall just one situation where you talked with someone.

　There is no need to evaluate whether you did well or not.

　Please choose one from the following that is closest to your experience.

□ I was nervous and couldn't find the words
□ I was afraid of the silence and talked too much
□ I started talking while the other person was still speaking
□ I went along with the other person too much and got tired
□ After talking, I regretted how I said things many times
□ I was able to talk more calmly than I thought
□ I was able to listen to the other person until the end

　No matter which one you choose, there is no right or wrong answer.

"Oh, I had this kind of tendency today"

　Just by noticing that, today's mission is accomplished.

Reflection

If you have the capacity, let's also think about the following three things.

1. Who were you talking to?
2. How did you feel at that time?
3. If the same situation happens again, what is one thing you would like to try changing?

It is okay if you don't try to change everything perfectly at once.

This is because how we interact with others is something we find the right way for ourselves little by little, while accumulating small experiences.

Next Episode Preview

Next time, we will think a little more deeply about the theme of

'Being able to talk well does not equal being good at communication'.

Let's look at the balance between speaking and listening, and the back-and-forth of conversation, together with Honoka.

Thank you very much for reading until the end.

I would be happy if you could leave comments with your opinions, impressions, or feedback (*´ω｀*)

Afterword

I created this as a place where you, who are feeling lost, can return with peace of mind.
There is no need to rush.
There is no need to compare yourself to others.

It is perfectly fine to go at your own pace.
Once your heart is at ease, life will begin to move forward again.
I would be happy if I could quietly accompany you on that first step.

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Thank you for reading until the end (´ω｀)

It would be a great encouragement if you could follow, like, share, subscribe to the magazine, or leave a comment💞 Tips are also very welcome💰️

I would also be very happy if you could read my past articles as well☺️

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I sincerely look forward to your participation!

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