The story I resonated with most recently (I might be bad at empathy)
I think I am bad at empathy. Sometimes I cannot understand other people's feelings, and even when I do understand them, I cannot share them with the other person.
Nowadays, it is said that empathy consists of "cognitive empathy" and "affective empathy." I suppose I can manage cognitive empathy sometimes, but affective empathy is difficult for me.
In fact, whenever I say something to show empathy toward my students' comments at the cram school, I am always told: "You don't really mean that, do you..."
Admittedly, there is a part of me that wonders if I really mean it while I am saying it.
If anything, I feel like I am just saying what I think I "should" say.
For better or worse, I think I am good at being objective. So, I can quite calmly think about how I "should" act in any given situation.
However, I think I am just too much of a ham actor to act according to that script.
There was a song lyric that I really resonated with recently.
In a song called "telephone" by a rapper named GOUDO,
When I send "Are you okay?", it feels more like I'm sending the fact that I asked "Are you okay?" rather than actually asking the question "Are you okay?"
there is this line. It didn't really click the first time I heard it, but after listening to it a few times, I started to think, "That's so true!"
I think this song was probably sent to a friend in the restaurant business who was having a hard time during the COVID-19 pandemic. (I apologize if I am wrong about that.)
During the pandemic, restaurants really went through a hard time, and many were forced to close down.
In that situation, even though the rapper GOUDO was also having a hard time, he was in a state where he wasn't struggling as much as his friend in the restaurant business, and the song depicts his hesitation about what he should say to a friend who was suffering more.
Perhaps there are people who cannot understand the meaning of these lyrics, or who cannot relate to that feeling at all.
However, (and this is just my opinion), as I mentioned earlier, I believe I am more capable of being objective than most people.
Therefore, setting aside whether I am truly worried or not, the thought that "it's probably better to ask 'Are you okay?'" comes to mind first.
And once I have said it, I feel like I have fulfilled my responsibility. That is how I interpreted the meaning.
Some might say that is cold, and in fact, I might be cold. Even though it is about me, I cannot tell.
I suppose that when I am truly worried, or when I see a friend with a sad face right in front of me, those emotions probably do arise naturally.
However, there is a part of me that views myself objectively from the outside, evaluating that state.
Another version of myself appears, saying something like, 'Wouldn't it be better to do it this way instead?' and provides me with a response that seems like a decent answer.
And so, after much hesitation, I, a terrible actor, have my script seen through, and I get hit with the retort, 'You don't actually mean that, do you?'
It is said that children with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) struggle with empathy. Or rather, it is said that they lack 'theory of mind,' the ability to infer the mental states of others, such as their emotions and thoughts, and as a result, they may experience difficulties in social communication.
Furthermore, it is said that children with ASD are also poor at reading what a gaze intends; for example, they find it difficult to infer the feelings or situation of the woman in the painting 'The Cheat with the Ace of Diamonds' by Georges de La Tour.
In 'The Age of Insight' by Eric Kandel,
Let us look at Georges de La Tour's wonderful painting 'The Cheat with the Ace of Diamonds.' What can we tell from this painting? You will likely be drawn to the strange look in the eyes of the seated woman. She is clearly communicating with the woman standing to her right. The standing woman has spotted the cards in the hand of the player on the left side of the painting. He is a cheat, hiding the ace of diamonds behind his back. The viewer of this painting can also see it. The player on the right side of the painting is a wealthy young man who is about to be swindled out of his stake from the pile of gold coins in front of him. Why are we able to interpret this scene, painted nearly four centuries ago, with such confidence?...
It continues like that. However, when I looked at this painting, before seeing this explanation, I was unable to depict the intentions, speculations, and stories of each person in such detail.
To be more precise, I couldn't even read that 'she is clearly communicating with the woman standing to her right.' Only after reading that did I think, 'Oh, so they were communicating.'
Furthermore, as I write this, I remember that when I was a high school student, my score on the Japanese literature section of the National Center Test for University Admissions (what is now called the Common Test) was 4 out of 50. I didn't get a single question about understanding the content correct.
I have recently started to think that I might be bad at picking up on a person's feelings or intentions from their remarks, movements, or gaze.
Or rather, I had thought that might be the case from the beginning, but this is a story about how I have come to think so even more strongly recently.
By the way, when you all look at 'The Cheat with the Ace of Diamonds,' do you interpret it like Eric's explanation? I would love for you to tell me.
Riku