If you are bothered by someone being 'condescending,' it is because you are in a lower position

People who speak in a condescending manner are often disliked and leave a negative impression. Today, I would like to focus not on the person speaking condescendingly, but on the psychology of the listener who perceives it that way.

After the lecture,
Person A: "That was an interesting talk, wasn't it?"
Person B: "Yeah, but that person was being condescending, right?"
Person A: "Really? I didn't think so."

Let's assume such a discrepancy occurred regarding the same speaker.
Today, I will think about Person B, who felt the condescension.

Why is being 'condescending' disliked?

Condescending. This word has a certain sting to it.

"They seemed kind of arrogant."
"It was high-handed and unpleasant."

In reality, it is often perceived that way. That is likely how Person B perceived it. Everyone is sensitive to being spoken to in a way that feels like they are being looked down upon.

However, was Person B really being 'looked down upon'?

Aren't they actually speaking from a 'higher' position?

Actually, when we feel like someone is 'speaking condescendingly,' it is not rare for the speaker to truly be in a 'higher position.' It is common for them to be objectively superior in terms of social status, achievements, income, experience, or knowledge.

Before Person B dismisses the condescension based on subjective feelings, it is a fact that this speaker is of a higher rank than Person B.

When receiving advice or opinions from such a person, it might be natural to feel a tone of superiority to some extent.

Certainly, if you dislike their tone, facial expressions, or their personality, it is easy to understand why the power of their condescension would feel even stronger.

However, before dismissing them as 'unpleasant' or 'arrogant,' it is also necessary to have the attitude of looking at things objectively and asking, 'Am I feeling this way because I haven't reached that level yet?'

Before saying you hate condescension, have the courage to recognize that you are 'below' them. This might just be the first step toward growth.

Is thinking you are 'equals' a misunderstanding?

"No, that person and I should be equals."
Even if Person B feels that way, it is sometimes a misunderstanding. It is not rare for the speaker to be overwhelmingly superior in every aspect without Person B even knowing it.

In that case, feeling that the other person's way of speaking is 'overbearing' is simply your own pride reacting. It may sound harsh, but that is an 'emotional excuse,' not a logical counterargument.

If you were truly on equal footing, you wouldn't even notice a slightly condescending tone. Instead, you would have the composure to focus on the quality of the content.

Once you have a certain level of ability, it stops bothering you

Interestingly, those who feel most strongly that they 'dislike a condescending attitude' are often those whose skills are still insufficient. Once you have gained a certain amount of experience, knowledge, and results, you stop reacting to how someone speaks.

Even with the same speaker, Person A did not feel a condescending attitude. It is clear that even if the speaker was superior in rank, Person A already possessed sufficient information and the ability to understand the conversation, allowing them to calmly focus on the content.

It was because they had the power to see the essence of the content. They were able to calmly accept what was being conveyed rather than focusing on the tone of voice. For someone like Person A, the term 'condescending' doesn't even come to mind.

In other words, it might be worth facing the slightly painful truth that 'as long as a condescending attitude bothers you, you are still in training.'

Painful truths are where your room for growth lies

Not all 'condescending attitudes' are bad. Sometimes, it is simply the result of a capable person giving their honest opinion without holding back.

If you felt uneasy about those words, that is an opportunity!

What am I lacking?
Why did I react to that way of speaking?

I think you should reflect on these things and turn them into material to polish your skills.

Don't cover your ears when you hear something painful.
Because it is within those very words that hints for self-improvement are hidden!

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