Episode 43: "Rider Kick"

Last year, when I was collecting the 2000 version of Rider cards, a senior at work looked at me like I was an otaku and said, "Oh, so you like Kamen Rider, huh?" When I gave a noncommittal response, he said,
"Oh, so you like it, huh?"
"Oh, no, not really."
"Oh, so you like it, huh? Hey everyone, Midorikawa-kun here..."
(Oh, come on. Wait a second.)
He kept going. I couldn't handle it when he kept repeating it like that.

In the first place, nostalgia is different from actually liking something. It's a bit much to be thought of as having liked it continuously since childhood just because I'm collecting cards. This is about a desire to uncover the full scope of the cards from back then—a revenge, if you will, in modern terms. Furthermore, being lumped in with those incomprehensible spin-offs like Kuuga or Agito is absolutely outrageous. I find myself raising my voice, saying it's "gengyo-dodan" (outrageous) rather than "gongo-dodan." Besides, if you write Kuuga or Agito in kanji, they just become 'Empty Fang' or 'Jaw,' which makes no sense at all. I want to tell them to 'cut it out' because of that lack of tension, which feels like a trendy drama. I feel like I should hit those weaklings with a Rider Kick or force them to train by calculating electron-positron annihilation vacuum polarization scattering amplitudes. *Phew.*

In this way, I've had many opportunities to discuss the popularity of the so-called Double Riders, No. 1 and No. 2, but the conclusion is always, "You really do like them, don't you?" and I end up weakly admitting, "Maybe so." Recognizing my own contradictions, lapses in memory, and total ignorance, I think the fact that I enjoy creating three-choice quizzes shows off my eccentricity to the fullest. To make matters worse, I currently have about thirty new questions ready. At this point, it's hopeless; a layman would have to say I'm pretty hooked, but heh heh, that's still amateur. In the world of the internet, there are great otaku who are far beyond my reach, wielding their swords in broad daylight.

By the way, in the past, children kept getting injured after jumping from high places to imitate the Rider Kick. The magazine *TV Magazine*, which was the spark for Rider's popularity, even published an article with a photo of the editor-in-chief himself calling for an end to such dangerous behavior, perhaps out of a sense of responsibility. If this had been a street speech, he might have gathered quite a few votes, but even more shockingly, the magazine included a supplement called "Takeshi Hongo's Voice New Year's Card," which was actually a message sent to boys around the world calling for them to stop such dangerous behavior. I don't think it would be effective with the attractive sound effects of a Rider Kick, though. So, I'd like to listen to that nostalgic "Takeshi Hongo's Voice New Year's Card" again.

Bukishin! Polara-hick (chara) Polara-hick (buoooh, kihiii) Parararappa, Parararappa, Pawawa-viper.

To all of you who support Kamen Rider. Happy New Year. This is Takeshi Hongo, Kamen Rider No. 1. (Charararara, charararara, charararara)

Last year, we were able to protect Japan from the terrifying attacks of Gel-Shocker.
But the army of demons is surely planning to occupy your peaceful towns this year.
By the way, let's make a promise. Can you keep it? You can do it.
First, exercise hard outside and train your body.
Don't just curl up under the kotatsu. (Will do!)
If a Gel-Shocker monster appears when you're not ready, you'll be defeated before I can come to help. (Chatcharatcha)
But you must not imitate the Rider Kick or the jump.
That is something only I, who have mastered the 'monkuri,' can do.
(What is a monkuri?)
And one more thing. Make sure you study hard, too.
You'll keep these two promises, right? My friends.
Buoooh. Iii. (Background music enters the second part)

Hmm, you've appeared! A Gel-Shocker monster!! Come! Kamen Rider is your opponent. Toh! (Bushin) Toh! (Bushin) Rider Kick! (Bang)
Hmm, you're a tough one. To think you wouldn't fall even after a Rider Kick.
This is the end! Rider Screw Shoot! Tooooh! (Baaaan) Iii.
Hmm, you're strong. The Gel-Shocker monster has become even stronger.
I can't just stand here. It's time for intense training.

By the way, have you read the February issue of *TV Magazine*?
(I can't just stand here... and besides, isn't this the New Year's issue?)
My big feature, 'Takeshi Hongo's 100 Mysteries and Secrets,' is in it. It's really interesting. Please be sure to read it. Well then, everyone. It's a promise.
(Is this the third promise?)
I'm always watching over you. Let's meet again on TV.
Goodbye.

Even so, Hongo's voice has a sense of reality to it. It's too good. Having reaffirmed the powerful, husky voice of Hongo, I was moved and decided to write a reply letter to Hongo here.

Dear Takeshi Hongo,
I couldn't keep all the promises. I was curled up under the kotatsu. I'm sorry. But I kept a bamboo sword and nunchucks by my pillow while I slept, just in case a Gel-Shocker monster appeared. Please praise me. However, no monster appeared. But there is a bad guy named Tsuboi in my class who came from Gel-Shocker, and he always bullies me. But Rider didn't come to help me. I'm breaking my promise, but I had no choice, so I defeated him with a Rider Kick. I felt relieved. The power of the Screw Shoot was indeed amazing.
I didn't read the February issue of *TV Magazine* either. But thanks to the LIMITED BOX that Kodansha sold me for over ten thousand yen, I was able to read it. It was very interesting. In a different sense. But Kodansha is also ruthless. The cover of the card storage file is plastic, and it looks like the folds will crack in the cold winter. It's common sense to make it out of paper, right, Rider? Also, I think the Shocker belt and monster figure are unnecessary. Give me my money back. I'd be happy if you could complain to them for me, Rider.

P.S.: Thanks to writing this miscellaneous text, I've come to understand the meaning of 'monkuri.' I've grown. I want to continue making puns and writing interesting things.

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