My daughter will be an adult by the time I'm past retirement age, but... I'm not confident about what will happen to me

Hello, this is Ponzu.

"I'll be in your care again."

The senior colleague sitting next to me said that and bowed on his first day of re-employment after retirement. This is the same person who had been saying, "I'm quitting, I'm going to take it easy," for the past six months. Yet, he came back as if nothing happened. Watching him out of the corner of my eye, I suddenly wondered: Wait, where is the finish line again?

I thought 60 was the finish line for a salaryman, but I realized it had disappeared

When I started working, the finish line was 60. Retire at 60, get your retirement bonus, and live comfortably on your pension. I vaguely felt like I was participating in a race like that.

However, before I knew it, the rules had changed. The retirement age was extended to 65, a re-employment system was created, and healthy people continue to work long after that. Only a few people with significant assets can live on their pension alone. The vast majority of the rest will probably keep working until they die.

Honestly, nobody gave us a new starting signal for this. And before I knew it, the race that was supposed to end at 60 had turned into a race with no visible finish line. What's more, I had been entered into that race without even realizing it. I don't remember agreeing to it, either.

To be honest, when I realized this, I stopped in my tracks for a moment. How many more years do I have to run? I wanted someone to explain the rules to me.

The senior colleague sitting next to me who was re-employed says it's hard to learn new things now

Back to the senior colleague sitting next to me.

I am currently working with that person who returned through re-employment. With the push for AI, I tried to teach him how to use new tools. But honestly, he hasn't been much of an asset. "It's just too hard to learn new things now," he says, chanting it like a spell.

I think this is a difference in stance, so I won't blame him too much. Everyone has their own way of running.

But there is one thing that bothers me. Even though he said so much about "quitting," he came back as if nothing happened, and he's not really running either. If you've decided to continue, you should at least put in some effort. I find myself thinking that quietly in my heart.

And thinking that far, I'm startled. That senior colleague said, "Ponzu-san, you'll understand in a dozen years or so..."

Since the finish line disappeared, I drew a new one for myself

I'm fine with still "not understanding" what that senior colleague meant by "you'll understand."

While struggling with that on my own, there's something that has been bothering me for a long time. To begin with, how old do we intend to run until?

Here, I realized one thing. The finish line didn't disappear. It wasn't something someone had prepared for us from the start. The finish line of 60 might have just been something I assumed existed on my own.

If a finish line didn't exist in the first place, I can just draw a new one for myself.

So, I drew one. When my youngest daughter becomes an adult. By that time, I'll be over 60. So, I need to be healthy and working properly at least until then. This is the new finish line I've drawn for myself.

However, to be honest here, I suspect that by the time I reach my daughter's coming-of-age, I'll just quietly move the goalposts again.

Maybe something like 'until I can hold my daughter's child.' There's no end to it. I keep moving the goals I set for myself. Honestly, I might not be in a position to talk about that senior colleague.

A nameless salaryman has no stage to place his microphone after the World Cup ends

Here, I am reminded of the retirement of two superstars.

One is Momoe Yamaguchi. After finishing her final song at her last concert, she gently placed her microphone on the stage and left. That scene is still talked about today. A beautiful, perfect curtain call.

The other is Hidetoshi Nakata. After losing 1-4 to Brazil in the 2006 World Cup in Germany, he lay flat on his back on the pitch and didn't move for a while. Then, a few days later, he retired from professional play at the young age of 29. At an age where he could still play, and while those around him tried to stop him, he decided for himself and took off his uniform.

What the two have in common is that they drew their own curtains. They were able to choose their own time to leave.

But for a 'nameless salaryman' like me, that stage is not prepared. There is no final concert, nor is there a crushing defeat at the World Cup. The moment when someone says, 'Hey, thanks for your hard work,' and throws a towel over my shoulders will likely never come.

That's why, while running toward the goal I set for myself, I will surely... run out of steam. I don't know if that's called retirement or game over. Perhaps, without even a name for it, I will just stop one day. I think that is our finish line.

Even so, the reason I run might be because I don't want to be an old man

Having read this far, some of you might have realized, 'So, what weapon are you using to run this long race?'

What I'm doing at the company right now is promoting AI. But in this field, there are no predecessors. There are no models or correct answers. Moreover, the landscape changes every month at an incredible speed. It's common for things I learned six months ago to be useless now. I have to keep clinging to this for a little less than another 20 years.

I'll be honest. I have no confidence.

There is no guarantee that my senior colleague's feeling that 'it's exhausting to learn new things' won't happen to me. In fact, because I chose the field with the fastest changes, I might get exhausted sooner than others.

Even so, why do I run? If I get to the bottom of the reason, honestly, it's quite pathetic.

I really hate the idea of my daughter thinking, 'My dad is like an old man.' When my daughter comes of age, I'll be over 60. At that time, I don't want to be a frail 'old man,' I want to be of indeterminate age. If I'm being greedy, I want to exude a bit of 'coolness.'

That's it. It's not a noble mission or a contribution to society. I just want to look cool in front of my daughter. For that tiny bit of vanity alone, I will continue to run this race with no visible answer.

Summary of questions for myself when my beloved daughter comes of age

I thought 60 was the goal. But that goal disappeared before I knew it. To be precise, no one had prepared it from the start; I had just assumed it on my own.

If so, I can just decide on a goal for myself. Thinking that, I set a new goal: my daughter's coming-of-age. When I reach that, I'll probably find a new goal and make it my own again. There is no stage prepared for me to draw a curtain as beautifully as Momoe Yamaguchi or Hidetoshi Nakata. I'll just stop one day while I'm running. That's all.

However, to be honest, I don't have the confidence to keep running. I have no idea if I'll be able to keep up in the fastest-changing environment for another twenty years or so.

But I'm still fine with the fact that the "you'll understand in another ten years or so" advice from the senior sitting next to me remains something I "don't understand." Because I still want to resist for a little while longer.

Well then, I'll be heading out now.

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