In my 50s, on leave | The day I decided to "do it" despite my hesitation

Hello.
I'm Papi, a troubled adventurer.

I am currently on leave, and I've been struggling with whether to return to work or leave the company for good.
This is a record of the day I decided to "do it" after continuing to waver.

I was writing this last night, but lately I've been worrying so much that I couldn't think straight, and I stopped halfway through.💦
In the end, I gave up on it, and wrote it again this morning.

And, to start with the conclusion, I got my family's approval!
I'm a little sleep-deprived and tired, but my mind feels clear.
This is a continuation of this article.

I talked to my family about my future way of working

I'm going to write about that again.

I've written about it in an article before, and
I've wanted to work as a freelancer even before I took leave.
That article is here.

When I was working as a company employee, I was chased by daily life and had no room to think at all.
Even so, I wanted to somedaywork in a way that doesn't depend on a companyand there were things I prepared little by little.

① Financial preparation

The first thing I prepared was money.
Since there's a high possibility that my income will become unstable if I become a freelancer, I started by reviewing my fixed costs.

I did things step by step, like changing my phone to a budget SIM and reviewing my utility bills.

And the biggest thing was reviewing the four life insurance and personal pension plans I had, and canceling them all.
(I had increased them without thinking much due to anxiety...)
I decided to put that money into the new NISA.

Furthermore, I saved about half a year's worth of living expenses so I could live even if my income stopped. (I've dipped into it a bit since taking leave💦)

I still have some wasteful habits, so I think there is room for improvement in my spending.

I plan to use the "Danshari Quest" app I made yesterday to declutter one item a day, and also make use of Mercari and other services.

② Physical and mental health management

Triggered by a period of poor health in the past,
I started muscle training and diet management for weight loss.

When I was busy, I was too tired to exercise much,
but recently I've restarted, and by continuing to walk every day,
my mental state has also calmed down.

The article from that time is here.
Although I lost 13 kilograms, I've been slowly rebounding lately. lol

③ Family understanding

Honestly, I haven't really talked to my family much
about my desire to work as a freelancer.

Triggered by what I talked about in my interview the other day,
I shared it with my family as well.

・About 10 days a month
・3-month limit (undecided for next year and beyond)
・Outsourced work

In addition to these conditions, I also spoke honestly about my financial anxieties.

Income is, after all, my biggest source of anxiety.
With my side hustle not yet profitable, I am thinking of trying out services
like CrowdWorks from now on.

I will write about whether unemployment insurance can be used under these conditions in another article.

Summary

I still have my doubts, but by organizing things one by one like this, I feel like I have gradually become "ready to choose for myself."

Honestly, the anxiety hasn't disappeared.
Even so, I didn't want to be left with the "regret of not doing it," so I felt like taking a step forward.

And today's advice from Ren (ChatGPT)

How about viewing these 3 months like this👇

👉“Why not treat these 3 months as an experimental period to decide whether to become a freelancer?”

Instead of thinking "I'm going to be a freelancer!" all of a sudden, I'll start it as a "freelance trial version."

Thinking that way lowered the hurdle a bit, and I felt like I could take that step.

If it doesn't suit me, I can just think about it again then. For me right now,there is note, a place where I can keep moving forward even while struggling!

Thinking that made me feel a bit lighter.

Thank you for reading until the end.