Listening to Others Is What Matters

Are you aware?

That there are many people around us carrying thoughts they cannot put into words.

And that what they are truly seeking might not actually be a "solution," but rather "someone who will listen from the heart."

I am 52 years old.

I have been living with depression for many years while working at a Type A continuous employment support office.

Every day is a struggle against chronic conditions like arrhythmia, atrial fibrillation, dyslipidemia, and diabetes.

Even so, I make time for reading in the morning and work hard on writing my note for the next day in the evening.

Despite suffering from lower back pain, the reason I am able to live such a fulfilling life is actually because I encountered the wonderful skill of "active listening."

The wonder of the moment when hearts connect

Recently, during a Zoom meeting with the landlady of a long-established inn I do business with, an event occurred where I truly felt the power of that "active listening."

Although it was through a screen, I could see the shadow of deep worry on her face, which is usually so dignified.

Seeing her as if she were carrying a heavy burden, I decided not to rush to offer solutions, but simply to listen.

In fact, until I encountered this concept of "active listening," I was very bad at talking with people.

Even when I thought I was listening to the other person, I was actually interpreting their words through my own values and making judgments based on my own assumptions.

According to psychological counselors, "active listening" is not just about silently listening to what the other person says.

They say it is important to stand in the other person's shoes and try to understand things from their perspective.

This is a skill that professional counselors spend many years honing.

Counselors say that there are three important elements to active listening.

• Empathic understanding

• Unconditional positive regard

• Self-congruence

is apparently the principle.

In other words, it is important to empathize with and try to understand the other person's feelings, to try to understand the background of their choices without judging them based on right or wrong or likes and dislikes, and to also fully accept your own emotions as well.

I desperately tried to keep these three things in mind during my interaction with the landlady that day.

At first, I felt a bit bewildered, but as I continued to maintain an attitude of trying to think from the other person's perspective, the conversation naturally deepened in a mysterious way.

The value of time spent empathizing with another's heart

In my own journey dealing with depression, I have been supported by many different people.

Perhaps it was because of that experience that I was able to listen more deeply to every word the landlady said that day.

Although it was through a screen, I consciously made sure not to miss the subtle changes in the landlady's expressions.

At times I empathized with her deep sighs, and at other times I paid attention to the slight tremors in her voice.

Then, from the edges of her words, the essential worries hidden beneath the superficial issues began to emerge little by little.

The trust that active listening brings

During the approximately one-hour meeting, I continued to listen to the landlady's words.

Then, by the end of the conversation, her expression had brightened up significantly.

The tension in her shoulders, which had seemed heavy at first, faded away, and her tone of voice naturally became more positive.

According to experts, such changes occur when the other person feels that their story is being listened to sincerely.

When people feel that their words are being listened to seriously, they feel as if their value has been recognized, and their hearts naturally begin to open up.

I recall the words my doctor told me during my own treatment for depression.

He said, 'Listening to someone is about walking alongside their life.'

I didn't fully understand it at the time, but now, I have come to deeply appreciate the profound meaning behind those words.

When I read psychology books during my morning reading time, I often come across the point that many problems in human relationships actually occur because the fundamental act of "listening" is neglected.

We are often so desperate to convey our own thoughts that we may tend to forget to listen to what the other person is saying.

A new daily life that begins with "listening"

Since that meeting that day, my daily life has begun to change little by little.

Whether at work at the Type A continuous employment support office or in casual conversations with colleagues, I have become conscious of listening to the other person's words.

Even in the waiting room of the cardiovascular clinic where I go for treatment for arrhythmia and atrial fibrillation, I have had more opportunities to listen to the stories of the patients sitting next to me.

During my consultations at the diabetes clinic, I have also become able to understand the doctor's explanations more deeply.

When I focus on the thoughts behind the other person's words, I feel that our conversations naturally become richer.

It is true that my physical condition, which prevents me from sitting for long periods due to lower back pain, remains unstable.

My cholesterol, triglyceride, and blood sugar levels are still far from reaching their target values.

But strangely, I no longer feel the impatience of "I must get better quickly" as much as I used to.

Perhaps it is because I have become able to listen more deeply to the words of the doctors and nurses.

The time I spend facing my own body has also become more fulfilling.

I also feel that the content of my morning reading time is sinking in better than before.

I feel that my note writing at night has also become something that can better resonate with the feelings of my readers.

As counselors say, active listening may not be just a technique.

However, I realize that such a sincere attitude of standing by the other person's heart and trying to see things from their perspective is what is important.

A bright future led by the courage to open one's heart

The other day, I received a happy email from that landlady.

It said, "Thanks to you listening to me carefully that day, I was able to organize my own issues."

In fact, I also learned a great deal from that conversation on that day.

To listen to someone is to stand by their side through their life.

It may be an act that lights a warm glow within the other person's heart.

I myself have been supported by many people during my long journey with depression.

It is because of that experience that I believe I have now become someone who can listen to others.

Moving forward, I want to continue practicing "active listening" in my daily life, while cherishing my morning reading time and my evening time spent writing on note.

Even on days when my health doesn't go as planned, I want to keep in mind the importance of being there for someone else's heart.

By doing so, I am sure my own heart will become richer as well.

It has been one year since I started posting on social media.

I am still inexperienced, but I hope to continue conveying the importance of "listening".

Why don't you try being a little more conscious of it in your conversations starting tomorrow?

Try listening to the other person's words and thinking from their perspective. By doing so, I am sure new realizations and warm encounters await you.

Opening your heart and listening to what others have to say.

I believe that is a small but certain step that makes our lives richer and happier.