With my third birth, I was finally able to feel 'moved by the experience of childbirth'

〈Looking back at the previous installment〉
The low-lying placenta that I was told would make a normal delivery impossible improved, and I was able to welcome my third child through a natural birth. And a small light was born in my heart: the thought that 'my experience might one day become a light for someone else.'
(Episode 6 is here)

I was able to face childbirth together with my husband

If there was one thing that was great about learning HypnoBirthing, it was that
I was able to face childbirth in cooperation with my husband.

Thinking of the baby,
I could progress through each step of the labor process myself, together with the baby.
That was truly, truly wonderful.

The 'emotion' I felt during my three births was completely different

I safely gave birth to my third child.

Come to think of it, my first birth was too intense.

I was staying at my parents' home, and my husband was supposed to rush over when I went into labor.
But when I went into labor in the evening and contacted my husband, the reply I got was,
'It won't be born that soon, right?
I'm going out for drinks now, so let me know how things are going.'

I didn't know either, since it was my first time.
(Thinking about it now, even with my third child,
I didn't know how long it would take from the start of labor until birth.)

Besides, being present for a birth isn't just about
being there for the very moment of birth...
But at that time, I was nervous about the upcoming birth and desperate.
I just said, 'Yeah, okay,' and hung up the phone.

After arriving at the hospital, I was immediately put on the delivery table,
and once I was on the table, of course, I couldn't be in contact with anyone.

In the end, the one who was present for the birth was
my mother, who rushed over after finishing work.

That first birth was
a natural delivery, and while fighting the pain, I tried so hard, so hard.
Just when I felt I couldn't try anymore and my consciousness was fading,
the midwife patted me and encouraged me, saying, 'Keep trying!'

And then, the baby's heart rate weakened.
'I'm bringing it out!' she said, climbing onto my stomach and pushing, and the baby was pulled out with a vacuum extractor.
I was so confused and in so much pain that the baby came out before I knew what was happening.

So even at that moment, my consciousness was fading,
and I couldn't really feel the emotion of being 'moved.'

I couldn't immediately hold the baby, who didn't cry right away.

When the baby came out, my consciousness was fading,
and I couldn't really feel the emotion of being 'moved.'
Perhaps because the baby's heart rate had weakened, it didn't cry right away. So, I couldn't hold it immediately either.

After going through this birth, I thought,
I truly respect all the mothers in the world who go through this to give birth to their children.
And after the birth, I couldn't sleep a wink while groaning in pain,
and I even vowed, 'I will never give birth again.'

(...Although that vow would later be overturned twice.)

For my second child, partly because it was a pain-relieving delivery, the pain was a little eased, and I remember being very moved when I realized that my incredibly precious child had been born.

What the midwife told me at this time
is also connected to why my first birth ended up being a vacuum extraction.
I was told that after my cervix was fully dilated, the shape of my pelvis makes it difficult for the baby to come out once it enters the narrowest part.
That's why the most painful time is longer for me than for others. 'No wonder it was so hard,' I finally understood.

And then, the third.
I felt the most moved by this birth, which I faced with a natural delivery.

A birth I faced together with my husband, thinking of our baby.
It was a completely different scene from that day when he told me, 'I have a drinking party.'

Can the same 'natural birth' really be this different?

A birth I approached while understanding my body and the mechanics of childbirth, and feeling the thoughts of my husband, myself, and our baby.
I never realized that a birth I chose, prepared for, and faced myself could touch my heart so deeply.

Growing up healthy

And so, our healthy third child is now one year old.
Truly, until turning one, they grew up steadily without any illnesses (except for heat rash).

They were grateful days.

But in the midst of those peaceful days, my heart began to stir with that question once again.

'What is my life, and what is it that I want to achieve?'

(To be continued in Episode 8)