【Raising My 25-Year-Old Daughter Again】Advice from My Sister-in-Law

My husband has a sister one year younger than him.

Even though she is my sister-in-law, she is six years older than me, so she is more like an older sister figure.

・High-powered career woman (already retired)
・Single (though she once had a common-law husband)
・Upright and virtuous
・Has sophisticated hobbies

She didn't really see her brother, who was only a year older, as an older brother, and she was someone who always seemed to look down on him a little.

This happened around the time my daughter was gradually regaining her energy and working hard enough to live on her own.
Since my mother-in-law was being hospitalized, I went to visit her in her distant hometown.


In fact, I hadn't visited my in-laws' house for about eight years.


There had been several times when my daughter and husband, or just my daughter, had visited, but I had been out of touch.

It is true that I had kept my daughter's situation hidden for a while, and I had used work as an excuse to stay away.

When my daughter and husband visited about three years ago, they had already disclosed things like her dropping out of university and her mental health issues.

I flew to my husband's hometown alone.

My sister-in-law came to pick me up at the hotel, and we were supposed to have lunch before going to the hospital where my mother-in-law was admitted.

At her favorite restaurant, the moment our orders were placed on the table, she started talking.

“What has your daughter been doing lately?”

She’s been doing much better.
She’s managing to do her best.
She’s planning to live on her own.

“Is she capable of living on her own?”

Yes, she’s doing freelance work, earning income from video ads, and working as a writer.

“Hmm, so it turned out exactly the way you wanted, then.”

??

At this point, I started to feel that things were taking a turn for the worse.

My sister-in-law had been itching for years to tell me this.

① My sister-in-law began to talk about an incident that happened during the summer of my daughter's first year of high school, on the day of my father-in-law's first Obon.

(My sister-in-law's story)
A gathering where all the relatives were present.
In front of a table lined with many sushi platters, my daughter kept taking only her favorite tuna from here and there.
It was bad manners.
I thought to myself that she hadn't been taught any better.

② About the time we ate out as a family the following year.

Don't you remember? When your daughter cried.
When I (the sister-in-law) denied and countered what she said, and when I admonished her that she was wrong, she got into a bad mood and cried.
I thought she lacked common sense, not understanding what adults were saying.

My hands were shaking while I was serving the pizza.

Hmm, it's not like that anymore, you know?
That was about eight years ago, right?
I think she has grown quite a bit.
She has experienced many things, after all.
She even reflects on her past self.

My lips were trembling, too.

"Well, even when she came last year, she didn't help with anything and just slept the whole time."

She also added that when she warned her while she was taking the tuna, my brother (my husband) said nothing and pretended not to notice.

The true meaning behind her earlier words,
"Hmm, so in the end, things went exactly the way she wanted."

seemed to be that
my daughter's selfishness prevailed, and she managed to steer things toward the easy path she wanted.That is what she wanted to say.

How much of a failure my daughter is, and how poor our parenting is.

That was all I could hear.

Tears welled up in my eyes.
I tried my best not to let them spill.

No, perhaps it was just my skin absorbing them due to my age; if I were younger, they might have been streaming down my face.

Did I come here to be scolded?

That was all I could manage to squeeze out with a half-smile.

[Daughter, 25: Redoing Parenting] Thank you for reading.
I have compiled these in a magazine, so please try reading from the beginning.