Have I truly embraced new values? Me, still dragging lookism behind me.

There is a habit I want to change now but cannot.
That habit is snacking on sweets.

I know in my head that I should cut back.
I have gained weight over the past few years, and since my metabolism has slowed down, it is only natural that I would gain weight if I eat the same amount as I did in the past.
And naturally, I am also concerned about my health. My paternal grandfather, who has already passed away, suffered from diabetes. In terms of genetics, it is something I worry about. I have loved sweets since I was a child, so I have reason to be concerned.

Even though I know that, I cannot stop. I have tried to cut back on sweets before, but even if I manage to reduce them for a while, the habit does not stick. The difficulty of forming habits, indeed.

The underlying cause that I am vaguely aware of is that my motivation for cutting back on sweets until now was never about maintaining health, but only about maintaining my figure. And the motivation for maintaining my figure was the societal pressure that being thin is cuter, and the desire to be seen as a potential romantic partner by as many people as possible.
Then the times changed, the word "lookism" permeated society, and I learned that no matter what size you are, you should express your individuality as yourself, and that there are many kinds of cuteness. Of course, I think so now, too. And as I have aged a bit, I have also gained the thick skin to care less about societal pressure than I used to.
Coinciding with that, on a personal note, I experienced marriage and divorce, and with the disappearance of my desire for marriage and childbirth, my motivation to look for a partner has plummeted. I think it would be lovely to have a partner in the future, but I do not particularly want one right now. (If I do not want one now, I feel like I might not want one in the future either.)
When that happens, the motivation that made me maintain my figure in my 20s is gone. So, I got fat. Simple and clear. Even when I search the depths of my heart, the feeling that it is fine to be chubby is dominant.

But if that is the case, why is weight gain not just a fact, but a failure, or expressed as having "let myself" get fat? What is this guilt? (By the way, even though I have gained weight, I am still in the chubby range and not to the point where it is a health problem.)
After thinking about it, I wonder if it is because the values I cultivated from childhood through my teens and 20s are attacking me. Even if the current me thinks it is cute to be chubby, the past me does not. I feel like that contradiction is creating conflict in my heart.
And I wonder if that is the case for other people, too. Even if it looks like they have accepted what is considered good in society now, and even if they think they have accepted it themselves, their past values seep out somewhere. And when those seeped-out things gather, they probably become a new kind of societal pressure.
It takes so much time for values to change. I do not need to force a sudden change in the inner self that is struggling, but I want to acknowledge myself, including that part of me.
However, from now on, I want to cut back on sweets a little, precisely for the sake of my health. Maybe I will look into health a little bit.

I am in the middle of a 1-month writing habit challenge.
Today, the 4th day, the topic was "The thing I want to change most right now."