[Lessons] The real reason why 'teachers and coaches are scary.' There are things children cannot say. #RhythmicGymnastics #Ballet #Piano #ChildrensVoices

I often hear stories about
teachers and coaches being scary.

They were spoken to harshly.
They were compared to other children.
They were yelled at.

Such experiences are
often discussed from a psychological perspective.

I think all of those points hit the mark.
I also feel that they are surely correct.

But,

the fear I felt when I was a child
was not about that.

The teacher would sometimes get angry.
Being yelled at is certainly scary, too.

That is probably what
moms are worried about as well.

But the scariest thing was
when the teacher said nothing at all.

When their gaze would just pass right over me.

When you are being scolded, you are still being seen.

But,

when nothing is said,
it feels as if I am not even there.

The teacher has an image of a skilled child.

What kind of body they have,
what kind of movements they can perform,
and what qualities they possess.

Children

feel that there is a standard there
of 'this is how you should be.'

I felt like I was being judged
by whether or not I met that standard.

In my case, I only had flexibility.

When it came time to show my flexibility,
the teacher's eyes would change.
……or so I felt.

I wanted more of that.

Even when I was told to "do other exercises,"
I couldn't stop practicing flexibility.

Because that was the only place,
where I felt I could remain someone who stayed in the teacher's sight.

Was I doing it to get better?

Thinking about it now, no.

To avoid falling outside the teacher's standards,
I was clinging to that.

The teacher is trying to nurture.

But the child,
before being nurtured,
is already feeling like they are being sorted.

The group divisions and the content of the practice,
everything looked like the result of that.

With the words "the teacher is scary,"
I can't express it well.

I know what is being watched.

But,
I don't know what I should do to be okay.

And so, again,
I go to the lesson without knowing.