After the holidays, they can't get out of bed. Perhaps they only 'looked' fine.

The true feelings of a child who can no longer go to school after a long break | What I want to cherish in raising a child who is an HSC, refuses to attend school, or attends in a separate room

“After a long break school refusal,” “HSC sensitive child,” “Separate room attendance mother's worries.”
You might have arrived here by searching for terms like these.
They were fine during the break, but now that school has started, they can't get out of bed.
“They were doing so well lately...” Even as I think that, my chest tightens with pain in the morning. Perhaps they were just “trying too hard.”

“They were so energetic during the break...” What a mother realized when she saw her child unable to get out of bed after a long holiday

The long break is over, and the morning alarm goes off.
Even when I ask, “What are you going to do today?”, my child cannot get out of bed. They were so energetic during the break. They played in the park, smiled while playing games, and were even able to go out with the family.

“What's wrong? Are you feeling sick?”

Even when I ask that, the child just shakes their head slightly under the covers.

They seemed to be doing so well lately...
Could it be that they were pushing themselves too hard?

Was the reason they looked “fine” because they were truly fine?

They have been refusing to attend school, and then attending in a separate room. It was just when I thought, “Maybe they have finally stabilized,” as they were gradually becoming able to go to school.

They seemed truly happy during the long break, and I saw many smiles.
But, on the morning after the break—.
Seeing my child not coming out of bed, a sense of unease spread through my heart. “Are we back to square one?” “Even though they worked so hard...” And at the same time, feelings of anxiety and self-reproach as a mother welled up.

“Did I miss something?”

Sensitive children might be acting out being “okay”

HSC children sensitively pick up on the atmosphere around them.
“I don't want to make my mother worry.”
“I'm sorry to make you worry again when I was doing so well.” Perhaps they were actually pushing themselves a little because of those feelings.
During the break, without the pressure of school, their hearts were liberated, so they might have just looked energetic. But when the break ends and the reality of “school” looms before them again—their hearts and bodies might be slamming on the emergency brakes.
(Come to think of it, even adults feel their bodies suddenly get heavy when they think on a Sunday night, “Work starts tomorrow...” If I think that this is the child version, and perhaps they are feeling it with many times the sensitivity... I feel a bit sorry for my child.)

Is “not being able to get up” an SOS sign from the heart??

Not being able to get out of bed is by no means being spoiled or lazy. It might be an important SOS sign that the child's heart and body are sending.
Children with sensitive hearts use a lot of energy in places we cannot see.

• The sounds and lights of the classroom

• A friend's casual words

• The teacher's expression

• Anxiety about whether they can keep up with the class

• The pressure of “having to be the same as everyone else”

All of this seems to resonate in the heart of an HSC child as many times the amount of stimulation. Just because they seemed a little better during the long weekend didn't mean everything was solved.

The words I chose

Even when I thought they were 'getting better,' they might have actually been trying their hardest behind the scenes.

'You don't have to try so hard. I'm just happy that you're here with me.'

When I said that, my child gave a small nod and pulled the covers back over their head.
And that's okay.
Today is a day to rest. A day to let their heart rest.

'They've been doing well lately' might have been my own wish as a parent

To be honest, I might have been the one wishing for them to 'get better.'
That's why I wanted to take their small changes as 'signs of recovery.' But a child's heart isn't that simple. There are good days, and there are days when their energy suddenly runs out.

That might just be the natural rhythm for children with sensitive hearts.

It's a daily practice of telling both my child and myself, 'It's okay to have ups and downs.' (˶◜ᵕ◝˶)

Were they pushing themselves, or...

'Were they actually pushing themselves?'
There is likely no right answer to that question.

Perhaps they were pushing themselves, or perhaps there were times when they were truly fine. What matters is that in this very moment, my child feels like they 'cannot get up.' I believe the first step is to accept that feeling.

Raising an HSC child is like a long-distance marathon

Raising a child who refuses to go to school or attends a separate classroom might be more like a long-distance marathon than a sprint. Sometimes you stop, and sometimes you even take a step back. But that's okay. Walking together at the child's pace, listening to the voice of their heart. I think it's perfectly fine to raise a child that way. (˶◜ᵕ◝˶)

What I learned as a mother

There is something I learned from the morning after the long weekend.

It is that 'looking fine' and 'being truly fine' can be different things. And the importance of not blaming the child for 'not being able to do it,' but acknowledging their past efforts by saying, 'You've worked so hard.' I believe HSC children feel, think, and work much harder than we adults can imagine. Precisely because that effort is hard to see, we parents need to notice it, acknowledge it, and protect them.

Finally

My child, who couldn't get out of bed today.

But tomorrow, perhaps they might show their face just a little bit.

Or perhaps it might be next week, or maybe next month.

And that is okay.

I hope we can find a place together where the child can be themselves.

Thinking this, a mother quietly watches over her child by their side again today.

Quotes that resonate with the heart (˶◜ᵕ◝˶)💕

"Listen well to your children. And listen to the voices that cannot be heard."

The true SOS might be hidden in the feelings children don't voice and the anxieties they cannot put into words. HSC children, in particular, carry many unspoken thoughts. Noticing those 'unheard voices' and standing by them is an important role for us as parents.

"Children do not need perfect parents. They need happy parents."

When raising children who are truant or attending school in a separate room, we as parents often blame ourselves or feel anxious. But perhaps what children truly need is not a 'parent who can handle everything perfectly,' but a 'parent who walks alongside them while also valuing themselves.' First, let's not forget to take care of ourselves so that we can remain as calm as possible.

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