When "Human Connections" Become Painful | A Bad Habit I Realized Through Membership

New "human connections" are exciting. At the same time, they remind me once again how much they reveal about myself.

I recently had an experience that made me feel just that.

▶︎Joining a "membership" for the first time

Actually, I am not the type of person who usually joins communities like memberships.

I prefer to take the thoughts and feelings that emerge from conversations with myself, put them into words, and share them. If even one more person becomes interested in that process, I am happy. That was about the extent of it.

That is why, when I received an invitation from Yoizora-san, I joined a membership for the first time.

"Maybe this is fate?"

Thinking that, I gathered a little courage and took a step forward.

Once I joined, I found about 20 warm and interesting people there. Thankfully, I have had more opportunities to receive likes and comments on my articles than before. For this alone, I truly feel that "I am glad I joined."

One thing I want to convey here is that this article is not meant to express dissatisfaction with the membership. In fact, it is the opposite.

It was precisely because it was a positive and warm place that a "certain habit" of mine surfaced... That is what this story is about.

▶︎Even though I should be happy, it was becoming a bit painful

A while after joining, a small sense of impatience began to grow within me.

I can't find the time to write my own articles...
I can press the like button, but I don't have time to write comments...
I can't keep up with the flow of the chat at all...

I am not naturally very good at writing. I am also not good at quick output or multitasking.

It takes me hours to write an article. I've ended up spending days writing this one, too. Even when writing a single comment, once I start choosing my words, time just flies by.

Because I have experienced the difficulty and fear of communicating through text alone more than enough, I inevitably become cautious.

Writing articles while interacting...

Doing both of those things at the same time was more difficult for me than I had imagined.

▶︎ This isn't just about membership

Perhaps this kind of thing isn't limited to membership.

Whether at work, at school, or in a hobby community, the places where I think,'I want to cherish my connection with these people,'are the very places that, before I know it, turn into,'I have to do this right'...

Have you ever had an experience like that?

▶︎ My bad habit reared its head

Before I knew it, my head was filled with'I have to...'.

'I have to write an article'
'I have to read all the members' articles too'
'If I hit the like button, I have to comment too'
'I have to reply to comments quickly'
'I have to be proactive in interacting myself'

And then, I start comparing myself to those around me.

'That person can write interesting articles so quickly'
'That person replies to comments right away'
'I'm the only one not interacting'

'Won't people end up hating me for being like this?'

As I was thinking about such things, my self-esteem gradually began to drop...

Looking back now, I think there was one feeling deep down.

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I want to meet expectations
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Because I was welcomed warmly
Because I received comments
Because I want to cherish the connections I've made

That feeling is by no means a bad thing. However, when that desire becomes too strong, it can sometimes cause you pain. That is what I thought.

▶︎I tried stopping for a moment

Honestly, I thought about it once."If I can only engage in such half-hearted interactions, wouldn't it be better to withdraw?"

But before doing that, I stopped and thought about it for a bit. And then, I reread an article I had written previously.

In it, I had written,"Human connections last longer when they are moderately loose."Even though I was the one who wrote it, I had completely forgotten (laughs).

▶︎A way of connecting that is true to myself

Thinking about it again, for me,"comfortable connections"are...

Not being too close or too distant
Being able to connect naturally when necessary
Not forcing myself to interact with everyone
Not adjusting myself too much to others
Connecting through things I find enjoyable

I realized that this is the distance that allows me to keep going for a long time.

▶︎ Why did I start note?

There is one more thing I remembered. Why did I start note in the first place?

To interact
To increase followers

Of course, those are reasons too. But the very first thing I had was,

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I want to express myself
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that kind of feeling.

Putting thoughts and emotions into words
Organizing my thoughts
Sharing and delivering them to someone

That time should have been the most important thing to me. So from now on, I decided I want to properly protect that time as well.

▶︎ 'Moderately loose connections' last longer

As I wrote in a previous article, human connections are a bit like strength training. If you try too hard, you won't keep it up. But if you do nothing, you'll drift apart little by little. What's important is,

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a comfortable distance that you can maintain without strain
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I want to cherish the time I spend writing articles
It's okay not to write if I can't think of a comment
It's okay to just leave a 'like' sometimes
It's okay to just read the bulletin board or chat sometimes
I'll get involved when I feel like I can participate now

Instead of trying to do everything perfectly, I want to value what I can do at any given moment. I feel that this way of connecting will surely last a long time.

▶︎ Conclusion

That is why I thought about it once again.

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What I can do is limited
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I think acknowledging that is the secret to keeping these connections going for a long time.

There might be days when I can't write a comment
There might be days when I just look at the chat
There might be days when I can't do anything at all


But that, too, is part of who I am right now.

Instead of trying to do everything perfectly, I want to cherish what I can do at any given moment.

And, by joining the membership this time, there is something I was reminded of once again.

The important thing about connecting with people is not 'trying your hardest,' but 'continuing without strain.'


This connection reminded me of something so obvious, yet easy to forget. I am truly grateful to everyone who welcomed me so warmly.

I'm a bit of a handful, I suppose (haha)... but I hope to continue writing articles at my own pace and connecting with people at my own pace.