The 'Reconnection of Bonds' the Teacher Provided

The news of the passing of my high school club advisor, whom I loved dearly.
I left my children with my husband and returned home alone.
As I ride the Shinkansen, my thoughts are swirling, so I want to leave them here to help organize my feelings.

This article was written a little while ago.
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After graduating from high school, I left my hometown and hadn't really been able to visit the club much.
Even so, I thought about the club and the teacher at every opportunity.

The club I was in was a somewhat unusual one that performed opera in high school.
I first learned of its existence when I was in the fifth grade of elementary school. When I was a member of a local children's choir, the high school requested our participation as child actors.
My encounter with the teacher goes back nearly 30 years now.

As an elementary school student, I was instantly captivated by the power of the stage performances the teacher directed.
I could even say that I worked hard on my entrance exam studies solely with the thought, 'When I get to high school, I definitely want to join this club.'
People can really work hard when they have a goal, can't they?

That's why, after entering high school, my life was entirely focused on the club, leaving my studies behind. Haha.
If I, who now teach university entrance exam preparation, were to comment on my younger self...
'You should have studied, too!'


After every full rehearsal, there was always a critique session.
The feedback on our acting and singing was sometimes harsh.
'Too many distracting thoughts! Focus!'
'You're too rigid!'
I remember those two things being said to me repeatedly.

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But honestly, at the time, I was thinking, 'Huh? Where? In what way?'
Because I felt I was doing it seriously, I was frustrated and couldn't accept it easily.

Looking back now, I was indeed the 'straight-A student type' back then.
Bound by 'this is how it should be' and 'I must do this,' I lacked freedom and flexibility.
Seeing my peers who were free, individualistic, and loved having fun, I would think,
'Can you please act a bit more properly?'
While thinking that, I also had a part of me that envied that freedom.
I think the teacher must have seen right through me.
'You're too rigid.'

I wonder if that phrase was a message not just about my acting, but about my way of life itself...

To be more flexible, supple, and free...
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Twenty years later, I can finally honestly think, 'Those words were true.'

If only I could have viewed people and events from more perspectives...
Even so, perhaps it remained in my heart all this time precisely because I couldn't accept it back then.
I am now very grateful for the sincerity of the teacher, who gave me the seeds to keep questioning myself over and over again.
Meeting an adult who would face me head-on during the sensitive period of high school.

That was a truly rich experience for my life.
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No one knows when life will end.

If only I had gone to see the teacher more... that feeling of regret cannot be wiped away.
That is precisely why we must express our gratitude while we still can.
I can't easily repay the kindness, but what I can do is 'pay it forward'.
To return what I received to the teenagers I am involved with now, head-on.
Just as the teacher did for me.
We realize the magnitude of a person's existence only after they are gone.

This is a sad thing, but at the same time, it is the mystery of being able to converse with the teacher in my heart over and over again.
Even without a physical body, when I think of them, I feel as if they are right there.
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At the funeral, there were many friends I hadn't seen in decades.

Even though it should be sad, outside, nostalgic friends were talking about the teacher and laughing.
Watching that scene, I realized once again that it was the teacher's personality that brought everyone together.
Even though the person is not there, there is a warmth as if the teacher is properly present.

Being able to reunite with the friends who ran through those days with me is also a precious bond the teacher left behind.
The teacher's existence continues to connect us even after they have passed away.

Human death is sad, but deep within that sadness, there may be a 'power to reconnect' people.
Being able to laugh with nostalgic friends amidst the sadness.

That was a time of 'reconnection' that the teacher left for us.
The teacher I saw after such a long time had a very peaceful face.

The thoughts the teacher poured into the club come back to me slowly like small waves, and I am overcome with emotions I cannot put into words.
I realize that I received so, so much from the teacher and my friends through the club.

Teacher, thank you so very much.

I sincerely respect you and wish to be a person who can reconnect warm bonds in someone's heart, just like you did.
Please, please, rest in peace.
And forevermore, your singing voice and your critiques will continue to echo within me.