Before parents close off the future out of 'worry'. The 'single word' from an educator father and a teacher that changed my younger brother's life

"I don't know how much I should say about career paths."
This is a worry shared by many parents.

In fact, a single word from an adult caneither open up the future or close it off.
My father's"words that stop"and the teacher's"words that push".
Those two contrasting approaches greatly influenced my brother's future.

In this article, I will sharehow to draw boundaries as a parent,
and how to create 'space' to protect a child's true feelings, through my own experiences.
For adults who are lost but want to expand their child's future.

■ My father is a long-time educator. But when he became a parent, worry took priority.

My father worked as a high school teacher for a long time, and even after retiring, he continues to learn and actively participates in learning volunteer activities; he is an educator I respect.
However, no matter how much experience one has, once you are in the position of a


"parent", your objectivity fades.Worry can sometimes overwrite judgment.
I learned that with pain myself.

When I was in high school.

I once told my father, "I want to study singing."
The words that came back were,
"And, can you make a living doing that?"

In that moment, the "future of music" quietly closed within me.

Looking back now,

I think there was a part of me that lacked the resolve.
People who really want to go will go even if they are opposed.
I couldn't choose it to that extent...
But at the same time,


children redraw the map of their future based on a single word from an adult.That is also a fact.
My father later said this to me and my brother:

"That way of saying it wasn't good.

I might have narrowed your future with that."
I truly respect that attitude.

■ On the other hand, what changed my brother's future were "words that pushed him forward"

My brother was really bad at math, to the point where our whole family thought "private liberal arts is the only option."
In the midst of that, my father said as a matter of course,

"Don't do math. You'll just struggle."

But my brother's homeroom teacher offered the exact opposite words.

"I think you can make it into the advanced course.

Why don't you try challenging it once?"
This single word moved my brother's future.

My brother quietly said, "I'll go to the advanced course"...

In other words, he would aim for a national or public university with math as an exam subject.
I really cannot forget the expression on his face at that time.

■ People begin to change the moment they "choose for themselves"

After that, his first entrance exam didn't go well,
his mock exam results didn't show, and he failed his recommendations.

Even so, my brother said,

"I'll study for another year."

At that moment, I saw the "moment the switch turned on."

He spent over an hour each way commuting to prep school,
stayed in the self-study room until it closed,
and continued that life of returning home late at night for a year.

And in the second year, he got his highest score ever in the math he was bad at and grabbed his first-choice acceptance.
(But there were various troubles, and in the end, he couldn't attend his first choice and shed bitter tears. That story is for another time!)

Strangely enough, at university,
he ended up on the teaching side as a math tutor.
It's like a foreshadowing of his life being resolved, and I can't help but laugh a little.

He was the youngest of four siblings, the one who hated studying the most and had the worst grades. (I'll dare to say it, his total deviation score was like the temperature of a bath, and his math deviation score was like body temperature...!)
That same person is now the most voracious for learning.
And currently, he is immersed in linguistics research in a master's program at a former imperial university.


"An adult's word changes the future"I feel that he himself embodies that.
And both my father and I were able to see up close the strength of choosing one's own path and the way people change.

■ An adult's words can "open" or "close" the future

My father used "words that stop."
The homeroom teacher used "words that push."

Both were words born from kindness.
But what changed my brother's future was,
"I think it's okay to try."
That single word.

From these two contrasting words,
I learned something very important.

I sometimes think that if I had consulted my mentor before consulting my father...
there might have been a different future.

The episode with my mentor is here

■ The position of being a parent is truly difficult.

Where to draw the boundary becomes a major theme.

What I felt watching my father was,
no matter how much educational experience you have,
it becomes difficult to be objective when you become a "parent."

You can close off the future by worrying too much,
or you can become pressure by expecting too much.

That is exactly the same for me.
Even if I can give "space" to students,
there are days when I suddenly can't do it for my own children.

"How far should I watch over them without interfering?"
"From where should I leave it to them?"
Drawing this boundary is not easy.

But that is exactly why I think:

Engagement that opens up the future can only begin when adults become aware.

■ The reason I want to "support parents"

The reason I want to "think together" with parents through this work is
because I am struggling as a parent myself.
I want to be close to my child's feelings,

but I end up interfering too much.
The desire to believe and the worry are mixed.
It's difficult precisely because there is no correct answer.
That is why I,

from the same position as a parent, want to think together, get lost together,
and walk alongside them, gently leaving space for the child's future.
I feel that strongly.

■ What you should give to a child is not the "correct answer," but "space"

And the key to how to engage without closing off the future
is, after all,"space".

A space where the child can place their true feelings.
A place not filled with the adult's correct answers.
The quietness that allows one to ask, "What do you want to do?"

Just by having that space,
the child begins to choose their future on their own feet.

I am still on the way myself, but
while learning and while getting lost,
I want to be an adult who can hand over that "space."

May the future of someone important open up as much as possible.

Thank you for reading until the end 🕊️
I would be happy if you could share your thoughts or your own experiences in the comments 🌿