Unread or Read Messages Ignored by a Potentially Avoidant Partner - Part 2: Discovering Your Own Feelings Through Silence

Good evening 🌛

To you, who are struggling with your partner suddenly stopping communication, leaving your messages unread or read without a reply.

If you want to review the conditions under which avoidant behavior is likely to occur, please check out my past articles ▷▶▷

If you want to explore what is easy to lose sight of in a relationship with an avoidant partner, or try some exercises for yourself, please check out articles ① through ③ ▷▶▷

One of the things that may be fueling your distress is the phrase,

“If things were normal.”

“If he were a normal man, after dating this long, he would at least bring up marriage, right?”

“If things were normal, he would at least send a word even if he were busy, right?”

“I thought I was having a normal relationship, so why did it end up like this?”

So, where does this “normal” you speak of come from?

Because you were told so at work.

Because your parents taught you so.

Because it was written in a book.

Because you saw online that “you should quit such a relationship.”

Because if it were me, I would send a word or at least a sticker even if I were busy.

Everyone carries a standard of “normal” within themselves.

However, that standard is created by values, habits, the environment in which you were raised, and your experiences.

Even siblings born to the same parents have different ways of thinking.

Therefore, in reality, everyone’s “normal” is slightly different.

Have you also, until now, tried hard to conform to “normal” while worrying about the eyes and opinions of those around you?

Then, conversely, how do you feel when someone says to you,

“Well, normally...”

“Oh, am I wrong?”

“Am I no good?”

“Am I strange?”

If you feel that way, I believe you are someone who can truly value the feelings of others and the atmosphere around you.

On the other hand, there are also people who can say,

“That is your way of thinking, isn't it?”

“I have my own way of doing things.”

“I have my own pace.”

It is not a matter of which is right or wrong.

However, the more a person can acknowledge their own thoughts and values, the less they are swayed by the word “normal.”

And even in love, instead of saying “If it were normal, we would do this,” you will become able to say, “This is the kind of relationship I want.”