What is the modern father figure, the "Modern Papa"?

What is a "Modern Papa"? I'll share my own definition.

Since I started posting under the account name "Modern Papa," I feel I need to properly explain it at least once.

"What exactly is a Modern Papa?"

Is it an 'ikumen' (child-rearing man)? Someone who is highly conscious? A dad who is good at housework?

No. At the very least, the "Modern Papa" I envision is not about those things.

First of all, I don't like the term 'ikumen'.

The term 'ikumen' has been widespread for quite a while now, hasn't it? As a word to refer to men who participate in child-rearing.

But honestly, I have always felt uncomfortable with this word.

Just think about it. Is there a word like 'iku-woman'?

There isn't, is there? Mothers who raise children aren't called 'iku-women.' Because it's taken for granted.

Yet, when a father gets involved in child-rearing, he is treated specially as an 'ikumen.' I think this implies that society operates on the premise that 'child-rearing is fundamentally the mother's role' and 'it is natural for fathers not to do child-rearing.'

I want to change that premise first.

The four definitions of a "Modern Papa"

So, what is a "Modern Papa" in my view? I will try to put it into words myself.

1. Instead of 'helping' with housework and child-rearing, take action as if it is your own responsibility.

The feeling of 'helping my wife' is strange to begin with. Household matters are the work of both spouses from the start. I have discarded the role division where the wife is the main person and the husband is the support.

Laundry, cooking, picking up and dropping off at daycare, school communication books, accompanying them to the hospital. Everything is 'my own responsibility.' I don't do it because my wife asked me to; I act as a primary participant. I believe it starts there.

2. Face your children without hiding your emotions.

The Showa-era father figure was 'silent and strict.' There was an atmosphere that showing emotions was a sign of weakness, right?

But I sometimes cry in front of my children, and I honestly tell them when I was 'scared' or 'anxious.' I want to convey to my children that fathers are also human beings with emotions. I think that way, children will also be able to express their own emotions honestly.

3. Don't give up on either work or parenting

Society still forces us to choose between "work or parenting." But I don't want to accept that this binary choice is the norm.

In fact, I once chose to work shorter hours. I felt anxious about my career, too. But I didn't want to choose between "cutting back on parenting for work" or "giving up on work for parenting." I believe there are things you can only see by trying to do both.

4. Breaking free from the curse that "men are for work"

This might be the deepest topic of all.

My father was a typical Showa-era salaryman who was indifferent to family matters. That was his way of life, and the times demanded it. But as a child, I didn't feel much of my father's love, and I also saw my mother's loneliness.

I believe the value system that says "men just need to earn money outside" has the potential to make everyone unhappy—the father himself, the mother, and the children. I want to break that curse in my generation.

You don't have to be perfect. But you must keep engaging.

I don't want to be misunderstood: I am not aiming to be a "perfect father."

There are times when I get too angry, and days when I'm too tired to face my children. I'm not cool at all.

However, I don't want to stop trying to engage with them.

I believe a "Modern Papa" is not a destination, but an attitude. A father who is constantly updating himself and growing alongside his children. That is what I am aiming for.

What is your idea of a "good father figure"?

Please let me know in the comments.

Modern Papa