Philosophizing the Healthy Parent ⑬ | What is a parent who provides consistent love?

Can I ask you something?

Does the way you interact with your child
change drastically
depending on your mood that day?

Do you over-interfere on days when you're in a good mood,
and suddenly become indifferent on days when you're in a bad mood?

Have you realized that
you might have been confusing your child?

Do you ever feel anxious,
wondering if your child is thinking,
"Which version of Mom/Dad is here today?"

This is truly common for those who grew up in dysfunctional families and became parents themselves.

The reason is because,
you didn't receive consistent love.

Because you were raised by a parent who oscillated between over-interference and indifference, you may not
intuitively understand what "consistent love" is.

But realizing this is already a huge first step.

Those who don't realize it will repeat it.
Those who realize it can change it.

🦉 A philosophical question,
　　　What is "consistent love"?

Consistency is the essence of love as well.
Loving when in a good mood and ignoring when in a bad mood.
That is not love.

Consistent love means "choosing" to love, even when you don't feel like it.
I'm tired today, I'm in a bad mood today.
Even so, continuing to choose
that your love for your child remains unchanged.

In Buddhism, there is a phrase, "Heijoshin kore do" (A calm mind is the way).
A calm and consistent mind is the path. Consistent love
is born from this "calm mind."

In Confucianism, there is a virtue called "Shin" (trust/sincerity).
Consistency, integrity.
"I love you today just as I did yesterday."
That consistency is the "trust" you give your child.

I would like to pose a question here.

「Is my love reaching my child today,
　　　　　　　just as it did yesterday?」

And,
「Regardless of my mood, can I show my child
　　　　　　　　　consistent warmth today?」

🦉 A parent who provides consistent love is,
"a parent who is not swayed by their mood"

Who is a parent who provides consistent love?

In a word,
"a parent who is not swayed by their mood."

Whether they are in a good mood or a bad mood,
the basic warmth they show their child remains unchanged.
They do not become overbearing or indifferent.

To be specific,

⭐ Greet them the same way every day.

Regardless of your mood,
say "Good morning," "Good night," "Have a good day," and "Welcome home" with the same warmth every day.
The accumulation of those words
becomes the foundation of consistent love.

⭐ Do not let your own mood
affect how you interact with your child.

On days when you are tired or in a bad mood,
do not change your basic way of interacting with your child.
Just tell them,
"I'm a little tired today."

⭐ Do not interfere too much, and do not become indifferent.

Be conscious of maintaining just the right distance.
Stay interested,
but do not intrude too much.

⭐ Occasionally put into words
that "I love you just the same."

"Even on days when I'm in a bad mood, I still love you just the same."
Those words become the foundation of a child's sense of security.

You don't have to do it all.
Just choose one thing you can do today.

In psychological terms,
there is a concept called "secure attachment."
By having a caregiver who responds consistently,
a child develops a sense of security
that "this person is reliable."
Consistent love
becomes the foundation for this secure attachment.

From a spiritual perspective,
a child's soul grows within consistent warmth.
In an environment that repeatedly shifts between sunny and stormy, the soul cannot stabilize.
Within consistent light, the soul
can grow to its full potential.

In Buddhist terms,
there is a concept called "compassion."
Unconditional kindness.
Facing them not just on days when you are in a good mood, but also on bad days
and tired days, is true compassion.

A parent who provides consistent love is
a parent who is not swayed by their mood,
and who can remain warm today just as they were yesterday.

🦉 Today, practice
"consistent warmth" in one way

🦉 Becoming a parent who provides consistent love
creates the foundation for a child's sense of security

Finally, I want to tell you the thing I most want to convey.

To you who have the experience of
"not receiving consistent love."

Precisely because of that, you know better than anyone
how important consistent love is.

Having grown up with a parent who oscillated between over-interference and indifference, you know in your body the anxiety of "not knowing which one is coming today."
That experience has become
a stronger motivation than anyone else's to
"want to give my child consistent warmth."

You don't have to be perfect.
It's enough to just say "Good morning" with care today.

Choose to love again today.
That accumulation becomes consistent love.

Because you have seen a distorted world,
you have come to see the essence of things.

Because you know what inconsistency is,
you can understand more deeply than anyone how much consistent love becomes the foundation of a child's sense of security.

Becoming a parent who provides consistent love
creates the foundation for a child's security.
Today, let's try delivering
one unchanging warmth.

Wounds become a map.
Distortion becomes an eye for seeing the essence.

And your life,
from today on, becomes your own.

Take it slow.
But surely.

Thank you for reading
until the end⭐

I write this hoping it will be
a "trigger to look forward" for someone.

Together,
let's reclaim our own stories😊

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Perhaps healthy parent-child relationships and kindness
grow by passing on what we have received from someone else
to the next person.

I had a happy event that reminded me of that,
so please let me
introduce it to you😊

【Pay It Forward
Project Participating!】

The other day, Rio-san introduced my article, "Philosophizing Healthy Parenting (5)."

I was surprised by the unexpected introduction, and at the same time,
I felt very happy😊✨

It was a moment where I truly felt that someone's words can reach someone else!✨

That was the catalyst for me to participate in the
"Pay It Forward Project" started by LaLaLa-san.

A circle of gentle connections where your "that's wonderful" reaches three people.

I also sent comments to three people
whose work I felt was wonderful.

⭐sakurasaku-san

I resonated with the perspective that health is created
including our way of thinking✨

The phrase "Don't try to be a good person, and don't try to be liked by others" was also impressive, and I felt that living without forcing yourself ultimately leads to the health of your mind and body🌱

The attitude of being grateful for the little things in daily life
also overlapped with what I myself
want to cherish😊

⭐Yu-san (Stories that make your heart a little lighter)

"Self-introduction, Spiritual"

I was moved by the story that organizing your environment leads to organizing your mind.

Amidst the anxious days regarding your mother, I was deeply encouraged by your attitude of taking a step forward, thinking "it's better than doing nothing"🌱

I feel sincerity in the words
spun from your own experiences😊

⭐Tsukino Sumi-san

"Correctness" and "what suits you" are different things.

Instead of conforming to other people's correct answers,
cherish the small sensations inside yourself🌱

Since I also cherish the same way of thinking,
I felt as if you had gently pushed me forward😊

sakurasaku-san, Yu-san, Tsukino Sumi-san,

thank you so much
for kindly accepting the introduction😊

Being able to connect with your words has also been a great gift throughout this project🌱

To the person who receives this baton next.

I would be happy if you could pass on the kindness to 3 people you think are wonderful⭐

#PayItForwardProject