Dear My Departed Friend: The Last Page of Our Exchange Diary [Long Post]

It's Miyu.

This New Year, having been in mourning for a while, I sent out New Year's cards for the first time in two years.

Since the beginning of this month, I received a winter greeting card. When I looked at the back, it said she had passed away. 'What?' I thought, and when I looked at the postcard closely, the name written there was my friend's.
That friend was someone I became close with after we were in the same class in the third grade when we moved to a newly established elementary school, and we were in the same class again in the first semester of fourth grade (the class was reorganized in the second semester because the number of students increased), as well as in fifth and sixth grade, and in the second year of junior high.

I have written about her here a few times before.
We were close in elementary school, but we became even closer after we entered junior high.
In our third year of junior high, before entrance exam studies began in earnest, we kept an exchange diary. I've decided to revive that exchange diary just this once.

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M-chan,

It's been a long time since I've written in an exchange diary with you like this.
What are you doing in that world now? Are you doing well?
I learned of your passing through that winter greeting card the other day. I was so shocked when I saw the postcard, and I ended up crying. I didn't even cry when my mother died, you know.

Hey, why did you have to go over there so soon?
We lived only about 10 minutes away by car, by pure coincidence. In the end, we never got to meet. We always wrote 'I want to see you this year' on our New Year's cards, and that was it.
I kept thinking that we would be able to meet properly once we got a little older.
And yet, for it to end up like this. I have never regretted my lack of initiative as much as I did then.

On top of that, I didn't even know you had passed away.
So, I went to say goodbye at your house the other day. Did you know I came?
I'm sorry it took me so long.
The M-chan in the photo still had the same look as she did back then. Looking at the photo made me cry again.
I talked with your mother. About memories of you. As we talked, the image of you from back then kept coming to mind.

Shall we talk about our memories here? I'll just write them down as they come to me. I'll try to write them in chronological order as much as possible. I wonder if you remember them.

In fifth and sixth grade, we had a pretty tough homeroom teacher, didn't we? We had class reshuffles every two years in elementary school, right? So I think those two years were quite something. We were doing our best at the time, but looking back now, it was pretty intense lol.
We understand each other with just this, right! Even your mother understood just from this lol.
Come to think of it, M-chan, you had an amazing multi-functional pencil case when they were popular, didn't you? How many layers did that have? I remember it had four layers plus lots of little compartments for various things. I remember looking at it thinking, 'I'm so jealous' lol.
The one I had was just a regular two-layer one, you see.

When we entered junior high, there were so many students that most of the first-year classes were in prefab buildings, remember? We were separated at the north and south ends, weren't we? It really took over five minutes just to get between them.
I was in the table tennis club, but you were in the brass band, weren't you? I loved catching a glimpse of you playing your instrument during practice.

In our second year, we were in the same class. How was that class?
It was kind of an indescribable class, wasn't it? For me, that second year was my dark age. During that second year, I only wanted to talk to people I was close with. Was it 'eighth-grader syndrome'?
But I'm glad you were in the same class, M-chan. I think I was able to go to school every day because you were there. Thank you.

In our third year, we started the exchange diary.

I used to come to your class a lot, didn't I? Do you know why?
I was going to see N-kun.
And yet, you started an exchange diary with N-kun. Were you two actually dating?
You knew I liked him, didn't you?
You did ask me, but I couldn't exactly say 'no,' could I? I was so sad back then.
Normally, I think that would be the end of a friendship. But I didn't do that. That's because you were an important friend to me.
But you know, once the second semester started, I ended up liking someone else anyway lol.
So it's fine (hey!).
Decades later, I'm finally writing my true feelings from back then. It's okay now, right?

After that, we both worked hard on our studies and passed our first-choice schools.

After graduation, we ended up going to different high schools.
It's strange that we almost never hung out on our days off. But it's funny how we were as close as best friends, isn't it?

I think it was our second year of high school. Do you remember when we went to the fireworks festival together?
It was fine that we zipped there on our bikes, but on the way back, we must have taken a wrong turn because we took such a long detour home. We were so anxious, weren't we?
It ended around 9 o'clock, and didn't we get home just before 11?
When I finally got home, my mother was furious. I mean, we took a wrong turn, so it couldn't be helped, right??
Even now, when I drive down that road, I still remember it.

After graduation, you went to Tokyo for further education, didn't you?
The day you left, I went to the station to see you off, and that was the last time we met.
So much time has passed since then, and it's crazy that we never met even though we lived close by by chance.
I wish we could have met as adults. It's no use saying it now, but I wanted to have a drink with you.

Oh, that's right.
You used to lend me music, didn't you?
I wasn't into Yuming or Miyuki Nakajima in junior high, but I got really into them once I was a bit older.
I especially grew to love Yuming.
And you liked Duran Duran and Culture Club, right?
You recommended them to me, but I didn't get into them.
If I had known it would end like this, I should have listened to them with you. So, I thought I'd start listening to them now. But when I was wondering where to start... a savior appeared!!

Small World, who I'm friends with on note, wrote an article about Duran Duran and introduced some of their songs.
I think M-chan drew them to me. It's such an amazing synchronicity, isn't it?
I'm listening to them now. Thinking, 'Oh, so these were the songs M-chan liked.' Listening to them now, they're actually really good!
Why didn't I get into them back then?

You also taught me how fun manga from 'Hana to Yume' could be.
Like 'Glass Mask,' Izumi Kawahara, and 'Patalliro!'
I really love Izumi Kawahara. Her work is funny, but she also knows how to make you cry.
Come to think of it, it was hilarious when the manga I lent you (it was 'Yokohama Monogatari,' right?) got confiscated. I think you gave it back to me at graduation.

I feel like I still have so much more to write, but M-chan would probably complain, 'It's too long! My eyes are glazing over!!' so I think I'll end it here.
I don't have plans to go there yet, but when I eventually do, let's talk a lot.
And let's watch high school baseball from up in the sky. I still have the photos of the players you bought for me through the high school baseball circle.
Photos of the KK duo and the players from Toride Daini High School. I'll bring those with me, so let's talk about the high school baseball from those days.

I wrote the last page of our exchange diary.
It really was so much fun. Thank you for all the wonderful memories.
Let's meet there again someday!
Have some delicious drinks ready and waiting for me! 😊
I won't say goodbye!
See you later! 💛

Miyu

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I intended to write just a little, but it turned into a long post.
In truth, I have so many memories with her that I still haven't written enough.

Hearing the news of her passing this time made me realize that you never know what might happen in life.
I felt the same way when I was hospitalized before, but I had forgotten that feeling.
Doing what you want to do, going where you want to go, meeting the people you want to see, and taking care of yourself—you shouldn't put those things off; you should act on them in the moment.
That's so important. I believe that realization is the final gift she gave me.

Lately, I've been thinking about her in random moments. Every time I do, her familiar smile from back then comes to mind, and I feel like I can hear her unique laugh.

I tried recording on Stand.fm.
I talk about some things unrelated to her at the beginning, though 💦
↑ Like how Choco Pies have gotten smaller lol
I got emotional while talking and my voice got a bit teary. If you have some time, please give it a listen!

Article about my time with her

Thank you for reading until the end today as well♪