What I want to cherish, and the origin of those values?

Previously, I took Aya's "Free Work Session to Discover My Highest Values and Strengths" and posted the following article.

While taking Aya's session, memories of my parents that I had completely forgotten came back to me.

I was able to look back at the origin of why "family" is what I want to cherish most right now.

Today, I would like to write about what I remembered during the session and how it connected to my values.

Also, based on the summary of the monitor session sent by Aya, I would like to summarize my values as well.

As Aya also said, "Things learned and experienced in adulthood are also 'strengths'."
At the same time, I was able to feel that the things I experienced in my childhood are also connected to my values.

The top values of mine that Aya taught me are

I love my family and believe that sharing time together is the greatest happiness, which is why I think that staying healthy and living my own life to the fullest also leads to my family's happiness.
And I want to cherish expressing in words that I love them, that they are dear to me, and that I care about them.

I was able to realize once again that this leads to my actions of wanting to convey the importance of rebuilding relationships with family and "conveying love to family" before reaching the "end of life."

Things I remembered through the work and session

My parents both worked, and I was a latchkey kid from a young age.
The article below is one I wrote shortly after starting Note, and although it doesn't have many likes, I am posting it here.

Since both my father and mother were teachers, they never once participated in my school events (class observations, sports days, etc.) held in the same city where we lived.

It may have been because they were teachers, but in that era, there was almost no guarantee of paid leave, and I think it was difficult for them to take time off.

Because my younger brother was born with a disability, my mother in particular had an experience that changed her life, so she somehow managed to attend his class observations (for some reason I remember this), but she never attended mine, which were held around the same time.

As such a child, my life consisted of coming home from school, unlocking the door, preparing to cook rice, going shopping, and waiting for my brother and parents to return.

I also remember my mother talking to my brother after dinner while massaging his legs, as he had a physical disability, but I don't have many memories of talking to my mother slowly and leisurely.

From a young age, I thought, "I am not loved by my mother."

Despite that, I remembered in the pre-session work that there were memories of my mother and father from when I was a child.

Memories of my mother

When I was in the fourth grade of elementary school, there were days when I didn't go to school.
Since I would lock the door and leave for school after my parents left for work, they didn't know for several days that I was skipping school.
Of course, since I didn't call to say I was absent, it seems the school contacted my mother.
I was asked, "Why aren't you going to school?" but I remember saying, "Because my stomach hurt."
To begin with, I have no memory of my feelings at that time or why I decided to skip school.
But I do remember crying and saying to my mother, who was pressing me for answers,
"Mom, quit your job!"
And I also remember the pained look on her face...

This is a slight digression, but my house was near the school. Sometimes I would play at school before coming home, but if I had things to do (like shopping, preparing meals, or spending time with my younger brother), I would come home early without playing.
One day, a friend stopped by my house on their way home from playing.
I poured my friend some Calpis.
But my friend said to me, "Keiko-chan, the Calpis at your house is warm, isn't it?" That's right, everyone else probably had their parents pour them Calpis with ice in it. I still remember those words even at this age.

Returning to the story,
anyway, since it was discovered that I was skipping school, I went to school the next day.
However, when I got to school, my stomach really did start to hurt, and I developed a fever.
The school contacted my mother, and when she left work early to take me to the hospital, they did a blood test and found that my appendix was inflamed, so I ended up being hospitalized for surgery.

When I was being wheeled into the operating room and saw my mother crying as she accompanied me, for some reason I thought, "I was wrong to tell Mom to quit her job. She doesn't have to quit." I can still see the image of my mother crying in my mind.

While I was hospitalized, my mother was of course at work, so I, a fourth grader, spent the time alone.
But my mother brought me a notebook and said, "Let's use this to keep an exchange diary."
From then on, an exchange diary between my mother and me began.
I started writing about my thoughts, happy things that happened at school, and sad things, and exchanging it with my mother, and we continued it for a while even after I was discharged.

And that experience also led to "exchange diaries" with my friends.

Memories of my father

My memory of my father is from the day of my elementary school graduation.
Since the graduation ceremony was held in the same city, neither of my parents attended my graduation.
If you ask me if I felt lonely about that, I don't remember.

However, after the graduation ceremony ended, when I was having other parents take pictures of me with my friends under the cherry blossoms (I remember the scenery of the cherry trees at that time), my father came running with a camera.
And he took a picture of me with my friends.

I remember crying my eyes out at that moment.
My father had rushed over, for my sake...

It is a memory I will never forget.

Memories of my parents

Around the time I was in the fifth grade of elementary school, I started receiving invitations to birthday parties from friends and began attending them. I remember that making invitations was also popular.
When I went to a birthday party, the mother of that house would prepare delicious snacks, cold drinks, and we would all eat cake; I had those kinds of experiences.

When my own birthday approached, I also made my own invitations and gave them to my friends on my own.
Of course, it was a workday for my parents.
On the morning of the day, I told my mother and father that I had handed out invitations and that my friends were coming, but knowing that they couldn't possibly take the day off, I spent time with my friends in my own way, preparing snacks, preparing ice (lol), pouring Calpis, and playing games.
Then, my mother came home early that day, and my father even bought a cake on his way home.
And they also took a picture of me with my friends.
In the photo from that day, I am smiling broadly, pictured with my family and friends.

At the session

While talking to Aya-san about the experiences I recalled through such exercises, she taught me about my strengths. (A summary of what I thought, in addition to Aya-san's summary report)

Through this workshop and session

Through the experiences of birthday parties and graduation ceremonies, I was able to recall episodes where I was loved by my mother and father.
Even so, I also realized that I wanted them to tell me "I love you" and "You are important to me."

I also learned that even if there is a sense of lack, there are "strengths" that I have acquired from that experience.
I value using my "strengths" by taking the "StrengthsFinder" assessment, but I think I will analyze that further as well.

One of my major themes right now, "end-of-life planning" and "rebuilding family relationships," also"While we are alive, we should properly organize both physical matters (inheritance) and matters related to our feelings, and if we love each other, we should communicate that so we can end our relationships on good terms" (aya-san)
I was able to understand that I hold values in that regard.

Aya-san, thank you so much.
I am rooting for your continued success.

What I think now

Everyone lives in the present by accumulating various experiences.
There were painful things in the past, and sometimes they become like trauma.
But I feel that such experiences can also become my strengths, and that I can overcome them.

While accepting the past, we are living in the "now."
Even if past experiences have shaped my values, I can accept them positively and live to be happier.

They say you cannot change the past, but you can change how you perceive it.

I was a lonely child who thought I wasn't loved, but my parents loved and cherished me in their own way.
There were adult circumstances and social circumstances that I didn't understand as a child.

Just by thinking that, I was able to change how I perceive the past.

I am currently studying "Positive Psychology."
I feel that this learning is amazing!
I want to output this learning, and I feel I must.

My weakness (lol) is outputting what I have learned.
This time, too, it took a long time to write the article, and I'm late 💦💦
I'll do my best!!

It has become long,
but thank you for staying with me
today <m(__)m>

「書いた人】

江村恵子＠夢☆相談室・ゆるふわ雑談会です。

「恵子さん」と呼んでください。

⭐つなぎびと⭐ 元保育士／
1種幼稚園教諭／終活アドバイザー／
終活ライフケアプランナー／
身上監護アドバイザー／終活ガイド上級 ☆／
心理カウンセラー彡

好きなもの・好きなこと💓／
家族、旅行、自然、家庭菜園、空、新緑、花、
読書、俳句、おしゃべり、カーブス

尊敬する人／マザーテレサ

リアルでは
「終活アドバイザー群馬サークル」
代表。


オンラインでは、元保育者として、
母として、終活ワーカーとして
「素敵に生きる人生について」について
発信をしながら、
「ゆるふわ雑談会」を開催中。


また、仲間と立ち上げた「夢☆相談室」の室長もしています。

Twitterもしています。 
Twitterでは、
特に自分で撮った花や自然について 
投稿したり、 
同様の投稿をしている人をフォローしたり 
RTしたりしています。 

Noteとも共有で投稿することも多いです 

https://twitter.com/mix8853

よろしくお願いいたします<m(__)m>

#aya-san
#session
#values
#strengths
#memories of parents
#daily note