The Reason I've Come to Love My Current Self After Gaining 17kg

Hello, I'm Miu.

Medications used to treat mental illnesses play an important role in alleviating symptoms and making daily life easier to manage.

On the other hand, some medications have side effects that can increase appetite or affect glucose metabolism, making it easier to gain weight. Of course, this doesn't happen with every medication, but many people struggle with weight changes.

I am one of them.

Since becoming ill, partly due to the effects of my medication, I have gained 17kg.

At first, I was truly shocked.

Every time I looked in the mirror, I felt sad, thinking, "This isn't the person I used to be."

My favorite clothes no longer fit, and I even started to hate having my picture taken.

"If I just eat less, I should be able to lose weight."

I thought that, and I even tried cutting back on my meals.

But the weight didn't drop the way I wanted it to.

Psychiatric medications don't just increase appetite; some also affect glucose metabolism, making weight gain more likely.

Furthermore, when you have a mental illness, it becomes difficult to be as active as you were before you got sick.

I used to go to school every day, do practical training, go out with friends, and move my body naturally.

But after I got sick, there were days when I spent the whole day in bed.

Even going outside required a lot of energy, and exercise was out of the question.

When your activity level drops, the energy you burn also decreases.

Meanwhile, your appetite might increase due to the medication.

It becomes very difficult to maintain a balance between the energy you consume and the energy you burn.

Therefore, it is not as simple as saying, "You're gaining weight because you aren't trying hard enough."

Even if you adjust your diet or start working hard at exercise, you won't see results immediately.

Even so, I kept blaming myself, thinking, "I have to lose weight."

But one day, my way of thinking changed.

Now, I've come to think, "I'm cute even like this."

Of course, I am still dieting for the sake of my health.

But I have stopped defining my worth solely by my weight.

These 17kg are not just 17kg of weight gain.

I took my medicine to survive.

I continued my treatment every day to ease my painful symptoms as much as possible.

Back then, I was desperate just to live.

So, this body is not the result of laziness.

It is proof that I have continued my treatment to protect myself.

"Why did I gain so much weight?"

I've come to realize that those 17kg I used to worry about are now "17kg of survival".

There was a meaning for me in gaining weight, too.

My old body is me.

My current body is also me.

Both are the precious me.

Thank you for reading until the end.
See you again.