When I Realized My Impatience, Things Finally Started to Fall into Place

I am Kumataro Yokoyama, a training instructor and sign language interpreter.

While utilizing AI, I provide information for seniors and introduce books and gadgets.

Today, I would like to talk about my own "impatience," which I realized with some embarrassment.
I earn income through platforms like note, Kindle book publishing, and online tutoring.
Kumataro also earns income through Amazon Associates.

This is a reflection on how I realized that, before I knew it, I had become dissatisfied if those things were not constantly trending upward.

Before I knew it, I was impatient

At one point, I suddenly realized.
That I was more impatient than I thought.

Originally, I am not the type to be very impatient.
I don't mind doing things one by one in front of me; in fact, I thought that was my strength.

Even so, before I knew it, my mind was filled only with "results".
How much has it increased, is it growing more than before, what will happen next?

I intend to be calm, but somewhere in my heart, I am rushing.
That feeling had been continuing for a long time.

Changes in life were the beginning of everything

The trigger was an event at the end of last year.
I started living at home to take care of my mother.

My life rhythm and way of working changed significantly from what they were before.
Naturally, the form of my income also changed. Or rather, I had no income.

"I cannot go on like this."

When I thought that, there was something I decided within myself.

By the end of the year, I will reach my target amount with just a computer.

I decided on a clear number, not a vague goal.
At that time, I think it was a quite challenging setting.

But strangely, I had no hesitation.
It was a feeling close to resolve, that I just had to do it.

Beyond the point where things went better than expected

When I started working on it, I had more response than I expected.
Each step I took gradually led to results.

And then, at a certain point, you start to think like this.

I might be able to achieve this even sooner, not just by the end of the year.

This feeling is very positive.
It is also proof that what I have been doing is taking shape.

However, at the same time, another emotion began to emerge.

Couldn't I go even further?
I don't want to be satisfied here.
I want to aim even higher.

Before I knew it, my focus had shifted from what I had accomplished to what was still lacking.

Days spent being swayed by numbers

From there, my state of mind began to change little by little.

I felt relieved if the numbers were up from the previous month.
But if they looked like they might drop even slightly, I would become restless.

A vague dissatisfaction, for which I couldn't pinpoint the reason, began to slowly accumulate.

Normally, this is just a matter of analyzing things calmly.
Write good articles, publish good books.
But at that time, I couldn't do that.

It must be a matter of timing.
Maybe it's because of the environment.

Thinking like that, I was looking away from myself somewhere along the line.

And then, at one point, I finally realized it.

I am a little off-track right now.

What was lacking was input

Looking back calmly, there was one thing that became clear.

I had become too focused on output.

Writing, releasing, and giving things shape.
I had been pouring all my energy into that.

But the input that serves as the foundation for that hadn't kept up.

The time I spent encountering new perspectives and ways of thinking had clearly decreased.

So, I started listening to on-demand educational materials from a famous creator.
It wasn't particularly expensive, but the content was very dense.

Among them, there was a phrase that caught my heart.

"What is it that you want to convey?"

It was simple, but it was a question with no place to hide.

What was it that I wanted to convey?

When I faced that question, I couldn't come up with an answer right away.

Rather, the feeling of "Huh?" was stronger.

Lately, I have been
prioritizing how to grow rather than what to write.

That in itself is not bad.
It is also a necessary perspective to achieve results.

But if you lean only on that, it becomes painful at some point.

Writing gradually becomes heavy.

It should have come out more naturally in the first place.

I finally started to see the true nature of that discomfort.

The choice to return to the starting point

I thought about it again.

What have I valued?
What kind of things did I want to convey?

It's not that a perfect answer will come out immediately.
But just by reviewing that direction, my feelings have changed quite a bit.

The impatience is gradually unraveling.

I have become able to look not only at the numbers, but also at what lies beyond them.

I believe this experience was a necessary time for me.

In the time that will continue from here on out

The road ahead is still long.

It is not something that will end in a short period.
That is precisely why there is no need to force yourself to rush.

What is important is to create a form that can be sustained.

To do that, it is necessary to get things in order.
My pace, my way of thinking, and my approach.

It is okay to feel impatient.
It is also natural to have desires.

However, I must try not to be swallowed up by them.

Take time to stop and review things.
Incorporate the necessary input.

And then, move forward again at my own pace.

I believe that in the repetition of that process, people change little by little.

This realization was one step toward that.

I will continue to move forward while keeping things in order.

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