I am not alone. The swamp of creation saves me from loneliness
I strain my ears to catch the voices of children leaking through the gap in the window. I am all alone in the corner of the empty classroom.
“Let me join you.”
How many times have I swallowed those words until now? If I had been able to say that, I might not even be writing, let alone drawing, by now.
The cheerful voices of children running around the schoolyard brush against my empty heart. If I let myself be swayed by their joyful voices, I will wither away from loneliness. I must not be swayed by their voices. I must be myself and resolve my loneliness in my own way. To fill the boring break time, I gripped my pencil tightly and continued to draw manga with all my might.
◇
When I was in the fourth grade of elementary school, I had a habit of drawing manga during break time. It wasn't because I was good at drawing or because creation was my hobby. I had no friends and nothing else to do.
What should I draw today? I flip through my notebook with a heart full of excitement. I slide my pencil over the pure white paper. What I often drew back then was a manga about a trio of gangsters. A natural, clumsy protagonist and a brilliant right-hand man. And a mysterious woman in sexy clothes who snuggles up close to her lover's shoulder.
The story follows gangsters targeted by a dark organization as they join hands to fulfill their mission. When they get into a pinch, one of their friends reaches out a hand, and they escape from many difficulties.
The characters dancing on the paper look so happy, surrounded by friends. Lacking friends myself, I packed my notebook with ideals and delusions. It's fine for reality to be lonely. At least in my dreams, I wanted to be surrounded by someone.
Some time after that, I transferred schools due to my father's work. When I drew pictures at the new school, people praised me, saying, “You’re good at drawing,” and before I knew it, a crowd had gathered around me.
Thinking back, there were many other kids who were good at drawing, and I wasn't really that good. But because I was silently drawing manga at my desk every day, I might have been a noticeable presence in the class. Truly, persistence is what attracts attention.
I became a junior high student. The boy I had a crush on looked like a Shiba Inu. With his chubby cheeks and sleepy eyes, he also looked a bit like Snoopy. Wouldn't it be cute to draw a picture of his face with dog ears?
It was just a whim. When I actually tried drawing it, I was able to draw a very cute picture.
I named the character “Dog Man.” The origin of the name was that my friend’s pet dog was named “Dog Man.” By giving him a name, I felt like life was being breathed into the character.
Dog Man looks lonely all by himself. That’s right, let’s add more characters besides Dog Man.
Next to the boy I had a crush on, there was always a boy with a flushed face and a sullen look. The way he would silently trot along behind him was unbearably cute. That’s right, I’ll make him a resident of this world too. Speaking of a character with a flushed face and an expressionless look... maybe an octopus would be good.
And so, I drew an illustration of an octopus with a sullen expression.
The octopus looks unexpectedly cute, so I'm aiming for a gap moe effect by making it a sharp-tongued character. I am the only reader of this manga. It's not for anyone else to see. Even so, I spare no effort in entertaining myself as a reader. That is precisely why I am so thorough with character settings.
A dog-human and an octopus being friends is novel. This is sure to strike a chord with 'me,' the reader. Since I'm at it, I'll try to create an exceptional story.
Title: 'Dog Man'
【Story】
Kenji Inukai is walking his pet dog, 'Dog Man,' one day when he carelessly lets go of the leash. At that moment, Dog Man dashes into the road to save a child about to be hit by a car.
Dog Man's brain is the only thing left, and the child is brain-dead. Following a doctor's suggestion, the dog's brain is transplanted into the child, and Dog Man lives on as a 'dog-human.' Meanwhile, Kenji is troubled by people trying to kidnap Dog Man as a spectacle and a Grim Reaper trying to lead him to the world of the dead.
Actually, at first, the best friend 'Octopus Man' did not appear in the Dog Man story. While I was creating the story, I really wanted to give Dog Man a friend.
If it were a friend for a dog-human, a normal setting would suggest another dog-human or perhaps a cat. Why an octopus? The reason overlaps with what I mentioned above, but it's simply because when I looked at the friend who served as the model, I thought, 'He has a flushed face like an octopus, and he always seems to be pouting about something.'
Once I think of the rough outline of the story, I dig deeper into the characters. Drawing a character relationship chart and ensuring the story is consistent is also an important element for manga.
Looking back now, I was serious in my own way at that time. I believed without a doubt back then that Dog Man would surely become a masterpiece like Doraemon. Just around that time, a classmate who aspired to be a manga artist invited me to 'do a manga exchange diary.'
A manga exchange diary is a manga version of an exchange diary. Each person draws a manga and passes the baton to the next person. After reading the manga, you also provide impressions and feedback. It was here that I tried to give up on my dream of becoming a manga artist early on. The reason was that all of my friend's manga were high-level in both quality and composition.
When I read my friend's feedback, I am wide-eyed at the depth of their impressions and analysis of the work. They were someone who truly loved drawing manga, so I could feel that they were reading it carefully, frame by frame.
Honestly, I wasn't drawing manga with that much deep thought. I was simply drawing it to kill time during breaks and because it was fun. However, I met a friend who truly loved drawing manga, and I was completely devastated by how amazing they were.
Even so, in the end, I couldn't give up somewhere in my heart, so I steadily saved up my pocket money to buy how-to books on 'how to become a manga artist,' screen tones, and G-pens. By the time I reached high school, I disposed of my G-pens after my mother urged me, saying, 'You're not good enough to go pro, so you should give up and study instead.'
In junior high, I also thought, 'If my drawing is no good, what about novels?' But here too, I met a classmate who was incredibly good at writing book reports, and I gave up immediately. She was exactly like Kyomoto from Look Back.
It wasn't about having read many books or practicing writing; she was the type whose ideas were off the charts. Regarding book reports, she would say with a nonchalant expression, 'If everyone else is writing their impressions of the book, I decided I would fill it entirely with my own thoughts.' I still cannot forget her words, which were as sharp as a distorted raw gemstone.
Because of that, her book reports contained absolutely no spoilers or content related to the book. Even so, after reading just a few lines, I felt that I would 'never be able to beat her' in my life.
That girl later won a major award, debuted as an author, and is still active 20 years later.
◇
When you continue to create, you sometimes meet people who have broken through in that field. Every time I see a novel work, I feel like I 'can't win,' and I often feel jealous or give up.
For that reason, there came a time when I stopped feeling jealous even when I encountered wonderful works. Perhaps the reason I became able to genuinely support others is because I have been writing what I wanted to write on my path as a writer.
Although my dreams did not come true on the path of creative writing, I was able to realize what I wanted to do in my work as a writer. Since a writer is also a behind-the-scenes presence, I am not the one in the spotlight. I have not become anyone special.
Even so, the fact that I am satisfied with my current path might mean that I have loved the act of "writing" itself all along.
The reason I still feel an irresistible urge to create outside of work from time to time might be because I truly love making stories. Honestly, I don't think I have a talent for creating stories. However, writing is fun. Furthermore, there are many people here on note who are happy when I create works. That might be why I continue to create even if it doesn't make money.
It's not that I made it to the semi-finals of the Creative Awards, and although I say it myself, the novel I wrote on note, "#ThatIsNotPlagiarism," was well-received.
It is said that on note, compared to business-related know-how, essays—especially novels—are rarely read. Amidst that, this work has exceeded 1,500 views and continues to be read regularly even now.
Through note, many people have also written their impressions of my novel.
The development is smooth and easy to understand. Also, the characters are limited, and it was easy to read, as if I could easily visualize it in my head.
The content of the story also touches on themes that remind one of issues that have become socially problematic recently, and for those of us creating here on note, it's a problem that could happen, so I could read it while feeling a moderate sense of tension.
It was a work that allowed me to gain knowledge to protect myself by experiencing the vicarious thrill that is the real pleasure of reading. I could read it with a comfortable sense of pacing, cheering the characters on while also being careful myself, and wanting to know what happens next.
When interaction is born between people, unexpected power can be drawn out. In this work, it is depicted in the form of a helping hand being extended to the protagonist, but I felt that it was kindness and wisdom that oozed out precisely because the author has experienced various hardships until now.
I think a big reason why the novel was read is that it focused on the themes of "plagiarism" and "copyright," which are on the minds of everyone who creates. Also, it might have been good that I made the content encouraging for those who create.
The fact that it was "just one reader" who saved the protagonist from a plagiarism crisis was an ideal development for me as well. I like this work, so I keep trying to submit it to publishers or other public competitions by changing its form slightly. It might be difficult, but I want to give it shape someday.
As long as there is even one person who is happy reading my work, I want to continue creating here. If I can make someone smile by continuing, then that has value. Also, I am happy that through the internet, I have made friends with whom I can enjoy creating and improve each other's skills.
——I am no longer alone.
◇
The swamp of creation is deep. The more you soak in it, the more you get stuck in the mud, sinking in up to your waist. Sometimes, I often suffer because the words I want don't come to mind.
However, it is not rare for the ideas that emerge after much agonizing to be the ones that shine the brightest. The process of thinking up ideas is painful, but by squeezing them out, my thinking deepens. And I can also send cheers to those who are working hard at creation just like me.
By having a world where I can soak in the swamp, my thinking deepens and my perspective broadens.I can also gently support the efforts of someone next to me.
This hobby I have pursued for a long time has, for now, remained just a hobby. There was a time when I got right up to the point of a professional debut, only to miss the chance. It is difficult to turn a hobby into a career, but if I keep at it patiently, perhaps my dream might come true. With such thoughts in mind, I continue my creative work in a small way again today.
[End]