The person I want to see, but can no longer meet

Kaze no Boushi-san.
Thank you for the prompt ^ ^

For me,
the "person I want to see, but can no longer meet" is
my grandmother who passed away last year and
her husband, my grandfather.

There is also a "person I want to see, but might never be able to meet again."

It is my father, who divorced my mother.

I wrote about my grandmother in an essay before ^ ^

My grandmother gave birth to me when she was 42.
She was a very young grandmother,
and my younger siblings and I were very well taken care of by her.

From the time my mother divorced and returned to her parents' home, she took care of our meals while working as a hairdresser.

My hardworking grandmother ran a hair salon at home, did sewing as a side job, and worked in the fields.
And she took care of our meals.
Because my mother came home late from work, she took on the sole responsibility of looking after her grandchildren.

My grandmother, who was physically strong, athletic, and loved animals, went to heaven during the autumn equinox last year.

Since this year is her first Obon, I will head to my parents' home next week.

"It still feels like Grandma is here,"

my mother, who had been caring for her all this time, tells me.

My grandfather, who was her husband, passed away a long time ago.

He was a good talker, a good singer, and a skillful man.

I don't know how he got it at the time, but before I knew it, there was an Electone in our house.
He would play accompaniment on it with both hands and his feet, playing by ear ^ ^
I remember it was a song by Masao Koga.
I used to imitate him and play it too ^ ^
That was when I was in elementary school.

He was a man who didn't work and spent money freely on his hobbies, but our house was always full of guests visiting him.
He had many friends.

I want to see those two.
There is so much I want to talk about.

Grandpa and Grandma, Obon is coming soon.
You're both coming back together this year, aren't you.
I'll make sure to welcome you properly!

The "person I want to see, but might never be able to meet again" is my father.

My parents divorced when I was in 6th grade.
At the time, we were living in a housing complex in Chiba,
and leaving only my father behind,
we moved to my mother's parents' home.
With my mother and her three children.
I was in 2nd grade.

It's a hazy memory, but the last time I saw my father was when I was in 4th grade.
As an elementary school student, I somehow felt that my father and mother might separate.
A state of what you might call separation continued.

I was told about the divorce when I was in 6th grade.
My mother cried and apologized to me.

Since then, I have had no contact with my father and have not met him at all.
I wonder if this is what you call being separated by life.
I didn't even say goodbye.
I didn't even say see you later.
If I recall correctly,
"When are you coming back next time?"
was the last thing I said.

If my father were still alive, he would be 80 years old, I suppose.

Since there are three of us children,
I'm sure he hasn't forgotten about us.
I'm sure there were various circumstances that led to things being this way.
Perhaps the reason I've become someone who doesn't get too involved with others is something I gained from this experience.

Out of consideration for my mother, I've never said that I want to see my father,
and not one of my younger siblings has ever mentioned it either,

but the truth is, I want to see him.

I have imagined many times that he has been living a happy life since he parted from us.

I have seen my mother's hardships plenty of times, but I have never seen my father's.

I certainly feel that I have inherited my father's genes.
The deep thinking that my mother doesn't have must surely be something I inherited from him.

One of the things I want to accomplish while I am still alive is

to visit my father's birthplace.

That is something I want to do.

If possible, the three of us siblings together.

My younger brother made a copy of our family register some time ago.

Based on that, I want to visit.

I want to feel our roots in my father's birthplace.

I want to tell our father that the three of us are doing well.

Since my younger brother looks just like our father,
I wonder if someone who knew him might speak to us
if we go there.

It's scary, but I want to meet him.
If he is alive and well.

#GardenOfWords