[Childcare] A wife's perspective: 3 things I want to tell new dads (using Pokémon as a metaphor)

"My wife has changed since she gave birth.
I don't know, she's become so short-tempered."

Of course she has, a postpartum woman is a grizzly bear.
In Pokémon terms, she's not a Teddiursa, she's an Ursaring.

She can't stay a cute girl forever.
A cute, single Eevee turns into a Chansey holding an egg, and then a Kangaskhan holding a baby.
What kind of evolution is that? Does everyone know Pokémon?

That new mom who is an Ursaring and a Kangaskhan,
if she doesn't get help from her husband, she'll eventually evolve into a Charizard even when the child grows up. Flamethrower, that is.

It's a Pokémon-filled start, but I'm being completely serious. The things postpartum moms want are probably almost all the same (based on my research into my friends' complaints).

A husband shouldn't be a Farfetch'd that doesn't evolve.
If anything, I want the husband to evolve three stages too.


In human terms, instead of a part-timer waiting for instructions,
I want you to aim to be a competent right-hand assistant manager (dad) who can handle childcare even when the store manager (mom) isn't there.

So, new dads, please do your best with these three things! If you do, your wife might one day become a beautiful and gentle mother and wife like an Espeon!

1. Let her sleep as much as possible

Fragmented sleep is incredibly painful.
Since I'm in my fifth year of fragmented sleep, I have a lot of credibility here. I haven't slept for more than four hours straight in four and a half years.

When it's bad, I feel like my brain is shaking, and my mind gets quite unstable. I really turn into a different person. I become a nasty person.

Dads on childcare leave should providean environment where she can sleep quietly and continuouslyas much as possible. Dads who are working should take overeven if it's just for a few hours at night.

My husband's company is not just not offering childcare leave, but it's a company where paid leave is practically non-existent (borderline black company), and he gets home at 8:00 or 9:00 PM.
So I asked him to go to bed at 10:00 PM and wake up at 4:00 AM.

I'll do my best to handle the night crying until 4:00 AM.
My husband will do his best to handle the night crying from 4:00 AM to 7:00 AM.
This is for weekdays; on weekends, I let myself sleep a bit more. Since I was exclusively breastfeeding, I would hand the baby over after nursing and fall asleep immediately.
Those few hours where I could definitely sleep were a huge help.

2. Don't immediately ask, "Is it milk (or breast milk)?"

This tends to be said every time the baby doesn't stop crying even after being held.
If that were the case, I would have already given the baby milk.

That's not it; babies cry for no reason sometimes. And sometimes they just won't stop crying at all.
Even so, I want you to hold them until they stop crying without giving up.
Even if it takes an hour, I want you to hold them.

Because mom is usually doing that!
My shoulders are stiff from holding them too much, and I even hear phantom crying!

3. Don't ask, "What should I do?"

"What should I do?" "Which brand of diapers?"
"Why are they crying?" "What do I do with these documents?"

Everything! I don't know either!!
What is the smartphone you're holding for?! Is it just for watching TikTok?! Is it just for Pokémon Sleep?!

It would be a huge help if you could take the initiative and look things up for me instead of my exhausted self. Honestly, I really can't think straight.
They call it 'mommy brain,' and apparently, your brain shrinks after giving birth. It's too scary. They say it takes a few years to recover, so I'm just going to believe my terrible forgetfulness is still mommy brain.

And one more thing as a bonus.
"Is it okay to be on your phone without looking at the baby's face while breastfeeding?"
It makes me sad when people say this to me.

It's the only time the baby is quiet and I can relax. Can't I be on my phone at least during this time?

And honestly, the phone is mostly for looking up baby-related things. It's probably not TikTok.
(Not that there's anything wrong with TikTok! You're free to use your precious break time however you want.)

I've heard many complaints from wives and venting about the postpartum period, and if you categorize them, they mostly boil down to these three things.
In other words, if you master these three, there will be no complaints!

Other problems like weaning food struggles will come up later, but for the first while after birth, if you can do your best with these three, your wife will be extremely grateful.
She will definitely say, 'Thank you for helping me!'
And she'll think, 'I love my husband!' and might even want to consider having a second child. If the husband is uncooperative, it's easy to think one is enough.

I'm being persistent, but one last time.
New dad, you can't stay a Farfetch'd forever.
Taiyo Sugiura apparently does whatever Tsuji-chan tells him to do within five seconds. This is really important!
(Are you listening? Husband?) (My husband who doesn't even know this note exists)

It's not just the dad; the mom is a newbie too, and we're both in the dark. So, face parenting together as a couple,
and enjoy the precious baby years while working through the struggles!

Thank you for reading until the end ☺️

And I'm going to write a little bit about some personal happy news.
I passed the first round of this project! ↓↓
I was chosen as one of 39 works out of 581 total! Yay!
And yet, I'm such a klutz that I sent it in with the wrong name!!
Well, that's just like me, so it's all good!!

I'm participating in the note x Nihon Keizai Shimbun contest!
It's a bit more serious than my usual stuff. I'd be happy if you could take a look! I love Haikyu!!

Here is another [Parenting] article just like this one!
It's not preachy like 'You must do this!',
just my loose and fluffy parenting stories.