Are you misunderstanding non-punitive parenting? It doesn't mean 'anything goes' | The difference between failure and behavior that needs correction

"We are raising our children freely with non-punitive parenting!"
I see people say this sometimes.

Are you misunderstanding non-punitive parenting?

I wrote an article like this yesterday.

But while writing this article,
there was something that bothered me a little.

That is,
I thought there are people who are confusing
"it's okay to fail" with "it's okay to do anything."

In Montessori education,
failure is not "bad,"
but a part of learning.

・Spilled something because you couldn't pour it well
・Couldn't stack them as you thought
・Got the order wrong

Through these experiences, children
"What can I do to make it go well next time?"
develop the ability to think.

Adults should not jump ahead and teach the correct answer too much.
Leave room for them to fail.

This is important for a child's growth🍀

On the other hand, apart from failure,
there are also actions that adults must properly stop
☝️

・Things related to life and safety
・Actions that hurt others
・Treating things roughly, etc...

These are not things that can be dismissed as
"It's a failure, so let's watch over them."

Failure is
"the result of trying something, but it didn't go well."

But
throwing things at someone, or
repeatedly using dangerous things while messing around,
is, before learning,an action that must be stopped.

Clearly separate failure and correction

If you organize this,
I think it's quite simple😊

Failure

• Couldn't do it well

• The result didn't go as expected

• Something that can be learned from experience

Things that require caution

• There is danger

• Hurting others

• Rules or safety are not being followed

Even if they look like the same 'unsuccessful event',
the content is completely different.

Montessori education tends to have the image of
being an 'education that lets children do as they please'.

But in reality,
freedom and limits come as a set.

For children to engage in activities freely and with peace of mind,

• there are rules for the environment

• there is a correct way to use tools

• and adults clearly stop them when necessary

Limits are not meant to bind children.
They are the foundation for protecting children and deepening their learning✨

In situations that require caution,
you don't necessarily have to scold them emotionally.
But, without being vague, convey it briefly and clearly.

'That is dangerous'
'You must not do that'

You don't need to explain the reasons at length.
For children, having adults show boundaries without wavering
provides a great sense of security.

Being able to fail.
Being protected.

It is not one or the other,
children grow by having both.

'It's okay to fail' and
'that is not allowed' can exist at the same time.

What is truly reassuring for a child
might not be a place where everything is permitted,
but a place where adults watch over them properly
and stop them when necessary☺️