“I can't write a note!” The “honest truth” I realized on my 11th day of consecutive posting

Huh? What was I supposed to write again?

It happened suddenly. It’s not that I don’t have anything I want to write about, but I don’t know what I should write. Even though I have over ten titles for unpublished drafts.

On the morning of my 11th day of writing notes, I fell into a slump.Today, I want to dig deeper into the inner conflict I felt through this “I can’t write!” experience.

Why did I feel like I couldn’t write?

I have mountains of things I want to write about. Stories about the love I’m watching over with my family, and the small ambitions I’m about to achieve. I have so much I want to convey, but when I actually opened the note screen to write, I was surprised to find I didn’t know what to do.

I stopped for a moment and thought, “Why can’t I write?” As a result, I realized a rather embarrassing, honest truth.

• I want people to think, “Kanasawa-san is cool!”

• I want someone to see me.

I blush at myself for feeling that way. Ugh, how lame.

That said, the reason I became able to write in the first place was because my desire for approval and my perfectionism were so strong. I’m incredibly competitive, and I never spared any effort to look good to others. It’s lame, I know, but still!

But this is who I am.

The reason I still write notes

As I kept thinking about it like that, I realized something.

It’s embarrassing to say, but I have such a strong desire for approval that it’s like, “If the desire for approval took human form, it would look like this!” I have high pride.Even now, as I write this, I’m embarrassed and breaking out in a cold sweat.

But, as I share what I’m thinking about every day on note and read the posts from people I follow, I find myself feeling warm more often. When I think about it that way,

Isn’t my true self, as clumsy, awkward, and pathetic as it is, actually a pretty lovable existence?

I realized that.
There will probably be people who see my personality or my notes and think I’m “lame” or “shallow.” It’s their freedom to feel that way. But,it is my freedom to decide whether or not to associate with such people.

It’s okay to be lame, isn’t it?

I want to go to a world where there are people who say they “love me entirely.” I think note is a place where we canshow our whole selves to each other.

Because when I read the notes of people who are writing down their honest feelings just like me, my heart warms up and I feel happy. I want to share gentle connections.

I suppose I don't just want to write; I want to walk alongside others, resonating with the thoughts they've written down.

That's why I don't just want to read; I want to write notes that get read. Is this also a desire for approval?

If you are struggling with the thought that you “can't write”

I think it's worth digging a little deeper into the reason why. Digging deeper doesn't mean anything difficult. Just look up to the right and think vaguely for about 10 seconds, asking yourself, “Why can't I write?” Then, something will likely come to mind.

“Oh, I wanted to be thought of as 'cool' too”

If you felt that, congratulations♡ You are my comrade too lol

To you who still says, “I just can't write sentences waaaaaah”

I wrote an article like this the other day. It's a special, simple training method.

It costs about half the price of a Starbucks coffee.

I hope it helps you.