Until I, Who Tried to Save Others, Realized My Own Arrogance ~The True Kindness I Learned When I Wanted to Be a Savior😿~ With Addendum | Messiah Complex🍀 | Self-Understanding | Listen to 'Natalie'🎵

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"A butterfly was trying to emerge from its chrysalis.

Struggling desperately through a tiny gap,

it was trying to push its body out little by little.

The person watching it thought,

'It looks like it's suffering so much, I'll help it.'

After that, they tore the chrysalis open a little.

The butterfly was able to get out easily.

However...

It is said that the butterfly could not fly.

Originally,

in the process of pushing open the narrow shell with its own strength,

the strength needed for its wings should have been sent to them.

Helping it because it looked like it was suffering

ended up,
as a result, robbing the butterfly of its ability to fly."

When I first heard this story,

I felt a catch in my heart.

🦋 ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ 🦋

Because,
up until then, I had always
thought that helping people
was a good thing.

The old me
had never doubted
that feeling.

If someone was in trouble, I wanted to help.

If someone was suffering, I wanted to save them.

If someone was lost, I wanted to light their way.

I believed that was what kindness was.

To be honest,
I was even
proud of myself for that.

A me who could be useful to someone.

A me who was needed by someone.

A me who could help someone move forward.

I felt value
in being that kind of person.

But, looking back now,
mixed into that kindness
was something I didn't want to acknowledge.

It was arrogance.

To be more precise...

“a me who wanted to be a savior”
I think that's what it was.

I will tell you a story about a friend of mine.

They were someone who was always struggling with the same things.

Work.

Relationships.

Illness.

Anxiety about the future.

Every time we met, they would ask for advice.

I listened to them seriously.

I shared my own experiences.

I introduced books that might be helpful,
and shared my way of thinking.

“You’ll be fine.”

“Let’s try taking one step first.”

I said those words many times.

Because I truly
wanted to be a source of strength for my friend.

At the very least, I
was single-mindedly focused on wanting to save my friend.

However, even after several months,
nothing changed.

The same worries again.

The same consultations again.

The same suffering again.

One day,

while listening to them talk,
I realized the emotions
welling up inside me.

Even though I was sympathizing,
I was becoming irritated.

“That story again?”

“Didn't I tell you that before?”

“Why won't they take action...”

“Maybe they don't actually want to change.”

I could hear the voice of my own heart.

In that moment, I was appalled at myself.

Didn't I want to help them?

If so, why was I angry?

Why was I disappointed?

After a while, I realized.

The reason I was suffering
was not because
the other person was suffering.

It was because they didn't
change as I expected them to.

Here, my arrogance (ego) existed.

While saying it was for the other person,
somewhere inside, I wanted them to
move in the direction I envisioned.

“If you just did this, it would work out...”

“Why do they make that choice...”

“It’s because of that way of thinking that you suffer.”

I thought I was looking at them,
but in reality, I wasn't looking at them at all.

What I was looking at
was “the me who thought I was right”
all along.

Furthermore,
when I looked deeper,
there was something I wanted to see even less.

I didn't want to save someone,
I wanted to be a person who could save someone.

I wanted to be thanked.

I wanted to be needed.

I wanted to be recognized.

I wanted to think of myself as a person of value.

I can say this now.

While I was helping people,
I was searching for my own value.

By saving someone,
I was trying to save myself.

At one point, I suddenly thought.

People who want to be saviors
might be people who
wanted to be saved somewhere in their past.

That was me.

I wanted to be understood.

I wanted to be recognized.

I wanted to be helped.

But that wish
was never fulfilled.

So, this time,
I tried to become the one who saves.

I was trying to heal the me who wasn't saved
by saving someone else.

At this time,
a friend said this to me.

“Mame, your self-esteem is too high.”

In myself,
I didn't think
my self-esteem was high.

But that was how it was perceived.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: 　　 :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

Here, there is something I don't want you to misunderstand.

This story
is not about wanting to analyze
or judge anyone.

It is strictly a story about my former self.

And.

At the same time,
it is also something I learned
from the figures of the important people
I have met until now.

My mother-in-law was like that too.

She always acted for someone else,
putting herself last.

If she was relied upon, she would reach out,
and if there was someone in trouble,
she was someone who couldn't leave them alone.

Recently, again, because of someone,
I am creating this article.

That is my mother-in-law's niece.

In her long life,
she has truly supported many people.

She married, raised children,
raised grandchildren, and while providing nursing care,
she has continued to support her family.

She supported her husband, supported her family,
and I think it was a life where prioritizing someone else over herself
was the norm.

Recently, she lost her precious younger brother.

Her brother, while running a farm,
was suffering from Parkinson's disease and depression.

I knew about the depression,
but I didn't know it was Parkinson's disease.

So, the reason my daily life has been busy recently was because of that (the family was seeing him off).

When I heard about the illness,
I felt a tightening in my chest.
“Couldn't I have done something more...”

Such thoughts crossed my mind.

But, in that moment,

I remembered my old self.
The me from when I tried to shoulder everything myself.

No matter how much you love.

No matter how much you wish.

No matter how much you exert your strength.

There are places in life that cannot be reached.

There are sufferings that cannot be taken on.

In the face of that reality, humans are powerless.

Therefore, I think.

We were not born to save someone.
We can support someone.

We can be by their side.

We can be a source of strength.

But we cannot live

the other person's life for them.
We cannot take on

all of the other person's suffering.
I don't think that is

coldness at all.
Perhaps

it might be respecting the other person's life.

I respect people who live for others
from the bottom of my heart.

In fact,
I have learned many things
from such people.

Kindness.

Responsibility.

Compassion.

Devotion.

All of them are truly precious.

There is something I want to add
here.

As much as you cherish someone,
I want you to cherish yourself as well.

As much as you support someone,
I want you to care for yourself as well.

Taking on so much that you collapse
is not the only form of love.

Continuing to sacrifice yourself
is not the only form of kindness.

For a long time,
I tried to prove my value
by being useful to someone.

By saving someone,
I was trying to save myself.

…But, now I think.

People are not things to be saved.

They are things to be believed in.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: 　　 :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧


The other person has their own life.

I have my own life.

Now, I no longer
think about shouldering someone else's life.

Instead,
that person will stand up on their own strength.

I will not step in further than that.
And,


I also want to live my own life.Just as I cherish someone else.

While also cherishing myself.

That is my own way of kindness now.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: 　　 :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

If this article
can lighten the heart of someone
who, like my former self,
is carrying too much responsibility,
I would be very happy 😌


Thank you
for reading
until the end 🙏

🦋 ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ 🦋

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