[Short Story] Year-End Blues

The blue sky, as if clearing away the year, feels somewhat guilty.
I pedaled my bicycle, which felt a dozen kilograms lighter.

I was remembering my days working in rental real estate.
There were all kinds of customers. College students, new graduates, newlyweds, people who had decided to divorce, elderly couples looking for their final home... It was a strange feeling to get a glimpse into the turning points of people's lives.

Among them, the ones who looked the happiest were families with small children. They would get bored watching DVDs in the kids' space, pull on the hem of their mother's clothes while she was listening to an explanation, or roll around at the property being viewed only to be scolded by their father—it was always chaotic. Even though every family looked like they were having a hard time, they looked like a patch of sunlight, which was dazzling to me, as I was single at the time.

I am now in that patch of sunlight. If the me from back then were to see me, perhaps I would be a dazzling presence in the sunlight. But...

After dropping my son Minato off at daycare, while pedaling my electric bicycle toward the station, I always cycle through the same thoughts along with the wheels. I am supposed to be in the midst of happiness, but am I actually feeling it? When I do feel happiness, it is when I go to pick up Minato and see his beaming smile. It is so beautiful that I would be on the verge of tears every time if it weren't for the daycare teachers.

But that, too, is only for a moment. The rest of the time, it's not a patch of sunlight—it's a typhoon.

After returning from maternity leave, I transferred from the sales department to the administrative department. My company, which is a 'white' company on the surface, wouldn't force me to move to administration. However, even with shorter working hours, I am still assigned the same budget as full-time employees. The transfer to the administrative department was a realistic choice for a working mother.

I never imagined back in my sales days that administrative work would be this busy. Handling tenant applications, submitting screening forms to guarantee companies, sending out contracts, explaining important matters, responding to cancellation inquiries... Each task is simple, but they come in by the dozen, sometimes dozens, every day. Since I also have to do daycare drop-offs and pick-ups, I can only work from 9:00 to 16:00.

The days, like a howling typhoon, didn't let me look behind or to the side. If I just had a little more time, I could proceed carefully, while being considerate of those around me, and thinking about the future... It is frustrating that I have no choice but to just get through what is right in front of me.

After picking up Minato, the busyness of being a 'mother' rushes in. Making dinner, giving him a bath, putting him to bed. It's troublesome because I'm dealing with a three-year-old who is throwing a tantrum because he hasn't played enough. To think that work heals parenting and parenting heals work... both are far too harsh for that to be the case.

The December wind pierced through my coat to the core of my body. I parked my bicycle in the lot and hurried to the station as usual.

Soon, it will be the year-end and New Year holidays. A long break. I hadn't fully accepted that a long break for a mother is by no means a 'break.' Minato will romp around as usual, and my husband Kohei will treat the time off as a 'break.' Meanwhile, I will become a full-time housewife over the holidays. I will clear up the housework that has piled up, look after Minato, and prepare breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Kohei sleeps until noon and then just lounges around afterward. I can't help but be unable to treat him calmly. I end up using sharp words.

'Aoi, you've been speaking harshly lately,' Kohei said, which only made me angrier. I started to say, 'If you were doing your part, I wouldn't have to say anything,' but it sounded too much like a mother lecturing a child, so I bit my tongue. I am surprised to find myself falling into the cliché troubles I see on Yahoo! Chiebukuro: 'the wife becoming like a mother' and 'the husband becoming a big eldest son.'

The year-end and New Year holidays, which I looked forward to so much as a child, have become something depressing.

That family that looked like a patch of sunlight I encountered during my sales days. Did that mother have the same worries? I wanted to go back to that time and talk to her.

I arrived at the office before 9:00. The sales staff were already out for viewings or business meetings, and there were few people around. Surprisingly, the seat of Maruta-san, my junior in the administrative department, was also empty.

'Maruta-san is off today because she's feeling unwell.'
The manager says it nonchalantly. It's rare for her to take a day off outside of her scheduled shifts. Actually, I was the one who took more days off due to Minato's fevers. During my time off, Maruta-san handles my tasks as a proxy. Today, I have to handle her tasks... It's already busy enough. Depending on the situation, I might even have to call for extended daycare... I thought, and when I checked her desk, I noticed something.

Maruta-san's desk usually has a pile of unprocessed documents. However, now, all the documents on the desk are cleared away. There are no sticky notes around her PC. I checked the records just in case, and everything has been processed...

Yesterday was December 24th. Usually, Saturday is a workday, but because it was Christmas Eve, there should have been a notice from headquarters about a holiday.

Did she... did Maruta-san come into work on Christmas Eve?
I called out from behind to Kuroki-kun from the sales department as he was putting documents into his bag.

"Hey, do you know if Maruta-san was in yesterday?"

Kuroki-kun seemed to flinch for a moment, but
"Well... I don't know..." he replied vaguely.

While processing my own documents, I kept thinking about Maruta-san.
Admittedly, she isn't the fastest worker. She's someone who works steadily and diligently.
Although she makes some mistakes, I believe they will decrease as she gets used to the job.
But, even though it was Christmas Eve, was it really necessary to work on a holiday...?

Could it be that she works on holidays all the time...?

A flicker of doubt arose. I had my workload adjusted on the grounds of working shorter hours. Even so, it was still busy. I had also left the phone answering to Maruta-san. I had thought that I, balancing work with being a mother, had it the hardest.

If that had led to Maruta-san making up for my work without me knowing... If the accumulated fatigue had led to her feeling unwell today...

"If you had just told me, I could have done something about it..."
That whisper was swallowed by the silence. The sales department had all gone out, and I was alone in the office. Since she was assigned here, it had been so busy that I had only ever talked to Maruta-san about work. It's natural for the workload to be heavy; in such a situation, there's no way she could have complained. I wonder if Maruta-san collapsed from overwork. I wonder if she can come to work tomorrow.

If she comes in, I'll apologize. I'm sorry for not noticing so many things.

But the next day, Maruta-san, who had arrived at the office earlier, had an incredibly refreshed expression.
When I asked, "Were you okay...?"
"Yes, thanks to you, I'm feeling better!" she replied.
Her voice, too, was more lively than usual.

There was something I had decided to say once she came to work.
"Maruta-san, how about today? Would you like to go to lunch together?"
"Eh... but, what about the phones...?"
"It's fine. I've arranged for the manager to be here during that time."

The two of us went into "Ocean Al Dente," a cafe restaurant near the office.
"I've always wanted to try coming here."
"I heard the seafood pasta is delicious."

The wood-grain table was covered with a light blue tablecloth, and a small bottle filled with seashells was displayed. It seemed the concept was the Mediterranean. I sat across from Maruta-san and opened the smooth, brown-rimmed menu.

"I think I'll have the Fisherman's Tomato Seafood Pasta..."
"I always wonder, does 'fisherman-style' mean they go out and catch the fish after you order it...? Like, 'Hiyah!'"
"Like, 'Hiyah!'...? Our lunch break will be over!"

We exchanged such lighthearted banter and giggled together. It felt unusually fresh to be sitting here across from Maruta-san, with whom I had only ever discussed work matters.

I ended up ordering the "Fisherman's Tomato Seafood Pasta," and Maruta-san ordered the "Sound of the Tide Lemon Seafood Pasta."

"Are you going anywhere for the end of the year?"
"No... my family is at my parents' house, so I'll probably just go shopping or something... How about you, senpai...?"
"Ah, well, I have children... and I'll see my husband's parents, but everywhere is so crowded, you know..."
"It must be tough having small children..."
"It really is..."

The harmless conversation quickly came to a halt.
Since I was the one who invited her, I had to say something. As I searched for something to break the silence, Maruta-san opened her mouth.

“Senpai… where did you meet your husband…?”
It had been so long since I was asked that, I had to trace my memories for a moment.
I met Kohei… that’s right.
“We were in the same brass band in high school. I played the trombone, and he played the euphonium… do you know it?”
“Oh, I sort of know it. There’s that anime called ‘Sound! Euphonium’, right?”
“Yes, that’s the one. So, anyway…”

The trombone and euphonium rarely had the melody line, so we often practiced together in the bass section. I liked the sound of my own trombone. I loved how it changed notes smoothly as I moved my arm. But I liked the sound of the euphonium Kohei played even more. It sounded gentle, as if it were his own voice. When he played ‘Hamabe no Uta’ (Song of the Seashore) as a solo, the nostalgia of it touched my heart.

I started to see him as more than just a friend during a rehearsal. In rehearsals, the euphonium sits in front of the trombone. One time, when I went to play a note on the trombone, I accidentally extended the slide too far and hit the back of Kohei’s head. The music stopped for a moment. Kohei clutched the back of his head, saying, ‘Ouch, ouch, ouch…’ I rushed over to him in a panic. Feeling responsible, I took him to the infirmary and held an ice pack to his head. Fortunately, it wasn’t serious, but we sat outside the music room for a while to keep an eye on things. That’s how we started talking little by little, and for some reason, we became close.

“Even now, people tell me that if you hadn’t hit me back then, I could have gotten into the University of Tokyo.”
When he said that, Maruta-san laughed.
“Isn’t that wonderful? It feels so youthful.”

While we were talking, I realized our food had arrived. I felt a little embarrassed that I had talked so much about myself. I asked her while stabbing a calamari ring with my fork.

“What about you, Maruta-san…?”

She looked a bit startled.
“I don’t have a boyfriend right now, but…” she hesitated.

From her tone, I sensed something.

“Oh! Do you have a crush on someone? Who? Is it someone I know? Someone from the office?”
Even though she hadn’t said anything yet, I found myself pressing her for details. I remembered how we used to have these kinds of conversations between girls after lights-out on school trips. We’d talk about nothing but who we liked, who we were interested in, or who was cute, all while trying not to get caught by the teacher with the flashlight…

But Maruta-san was cautious.
“I… I can’t say right now… it might cause trouble for them…”
Trouble…? That must mean it’s someone we know. Who could it be? The director is married… someone from the sales department? I couldn’t help but be curious.

“Initials! Just the initials!”
“We’re not in middle school! Besides, that would make it pretty easy to figure out!”
The way Maruta-san pouted was incredibly cute.

“I’m so jealous… I’m already married, so I don’t have that kind of excitement, but it’s fun just listening to other people’s stories.”
“That’s not true, Senpai. You had a wonderful encounter yourself.”

Looking at Maruta-san’s expression, I realized she had truly found someone she liked. I know this look—the face of someone who has found the person they love. I love seeing that kind of expression…

I realized it reminded me of something.

I had always liked watching the changes in people’s expressions like that. When I was working in sales showing rental properties, the faces of customers who found a place that truly suited them were different. Their expressions were different when they were settling for a place they thought, ‘I guess this will do,’ versus when they truly loved it. I never forced a property on someone who was settling, which is why I never became a top salesperson.

But the customers who found a place they loved would always rely on me again when it was time to move.

I should go back to sales. Even if I can’t right now, I will once Minato gets a little bigger. It’s okay to rely on Kohei.

“Maruta-san, thank you.”
“Oh… for what?”
“For everything. Thank you for everything. I’m sorry. I meant to cheer you up, but instead, I was the one who remembered something important. When the time comes that it won’t cause any trouble… let me know.”
“You’ll be the first person I tell, Senpai. Please wait for me.”

While Maruta-san was in the restroom, I opened my LINE app.
I hesitated for a moment, wondering what to send in my message thread with Kohei.

"Ko-chan, play me 'Hamabe no Uta' (Song of the Seashore) over winter break."

As soon as I sent that, the 'read' mark appeared.

(End)

Behind the scenes

Ah... this is the senior's perspective.
Did you enjoy it as a standalone story...?

I made the 'senior' from the story above the protagonist.
As a fellow working mother, I had a desire to cheer her on. I work from home, but I think it must be truly difficult for those who work outside the home...

By the way, I'm the one who has a memory of getting hit by a trombone while playing the euphonium. And I wasn't even very good at it...

Hamabe no Uta is here

To all the parents out there, let's get through the year-end and New Year holidays!!