Living at 70-80% capacity. Smart choices to keep your heart's ball from getting dented
Today, I read an article by Yorumi-san, whom I follow, and unpleasant emotions from 20 years ago came rushing back all at once.
Well, it's because I had a similar experience as a system administrator.
The unreasonable complaint emails from users that arrived daily. Even though I would ask, "This is a problem that cannot be handled by the management side; please tell us about your operation instead,"
"I'm not wrong. This system is unusable."
"I am right."
A chorus of "I am justice." ...That's how it seemed to me at the time.
How selfish they were. Why do they lash out with their emotions first!
...At the time, I viewed the user side with a "cynical view of human nature."
Facing intense passion really drains your mind and body.
In the end, it didn't lead to a fundamental solution, and I was fortunate to leave (or was I removed from?) the system administrator role. I have lived until now without sublimating these inner frustrations and negative emotions, instead "throwing them into a well, pushing them down, putting a lid on them, and placing a weight on top that could never be moved." I think I even resented that it distorted and broke my life as a company employee.
20 years have passed since then. As I mentioned at the beginning, although I remember the emotions of that time, they are not enough to corner me anymore. Perhaps it is thanks to having accumulated various work experiences. I don't think I've "mellowed out," but I think it's because I've become able to view things objectively and from various perspectives.
Psychologically, there were technical terms that accurately described the situation that troubled me at the time.
"Cognitive dissonance" + "Self-serving bias" are the diagnoses.
Cognitive dissonance
~Refers to a state where a person holds a cognition that contradicts their own, as well as the discomfort felt at that time. It is thought that people change the definition of the contradictory cognition, underestimate it, or change their own attitudes or behaviors to resolve this.
Self-serving bias
~Simply put, it is a mental function that thinks, "Success is thanks to me, failure is the fault of others or those around me."
Yes, it is a behavior that anyone can take, without even needing to bring up manga or TV dramas as examples. However, since this is usually accompanied by feelings of anger, it causes damage to the person being confronted.
How should developers and administrators deal with users who bare their emotions and insist that "I am absolutely right"?
If you try to refute them head-on, it's like adding fuel to the fire; the pillar of fire of anger will rise even higher and spread to those around you, and instead of solving the problem, you will have to spend your time putting out the fire of passion and cleaning up the mess.
Yorumi-san is right.
Therefore, as a policy,
✔ While protecting the other party's self-esteem
✔ Create an environment where it is easy to accept facts
These are the two points. Specifically,
Provide a framework that protects self-esteem
Present objective facts neutrally
Give options to restore the user's sense of agency
Show a common goal
Provide an exit for the other party to back down.
In addition, there is one more important thing. As many creators have written about in this note, it is to protect your own mental health.
I think your mental state is like a 'mixing bowl' used in cooking.
Setting aside the Crazy Cats who used this in a comedy sketch long ago, once a bowl is dented, you can hammer it back into shape, but it will never return to its original strength.
The heart is the same. Once it's dented, you won't be able to exert your full power like before, so I think you have no choice but to live with 70-80% as your upper limit.
However, I think that is a wise choice in itself. I think I will experience many similar things in the future, so I want to cherish myself.
...Having said that, humans are animals with emotions. It doesn't go well very easily.
This has been an inconclusive summary, but I feel like I have finally been able to release the well of my heart. I apologize if I have caused any discomfort.
Thank you for reading until the end.
*The title image was borrowed from the 'Everyone's Photo Gallery'.