What Mothers Who Succeed at Trust-Based Parenting Let Go of First

I want to trust my child.

However, in reality, don't you find yourself saying things like,
“That’s dangerous,”
“Wouldn't it be better to do this first?”
and end up interfering with your words or actions?

It’s not that you don’t trust them.
…It’s precisely because they are more precious to you than anyone else and you worry about them.

Yet, afterwards, you tend to blame yourself, thinking,
“I did it again…”

This is not an article meant to judge whether you are
“succeeding or failing at trust-based parenting.”

The reason why it feels painfuleven though you intend to trust
is what I wrote this to help usunravel together.

The point is not about
whether the child has enough ability.
I also don’t believe it means
that a mother’s love is insufficient.

In fact, what lies there
might be the
direction or true nature of the anxietythat even the mother herself finds hard to notice.

By the time you finish reading this article,
I hope your perspective has shifted just a little, thinking, “So this is what it means to watch over them,”
or that you feel even a little bit more relaxed.

I want to practice parenting that lets me think, “This child will be fine.”

A child who can tell themselves “I’ll be fine”
is not overly afraid of failure
and can take a step forward.

They learn from experiences that didn't go well,
and try again.
That accumulation of experiences
gradually expands the child’s potential.

As a mother, surely everyone thinks this, right?

“No matter what happens, this child will be fine.”
“I want to trust this child’s life.”

I felt the same way.

What does “trust-based parenting” actually involve?

What exactly does “parenting that absolutely trusts the child”
look like in terms of interaction?

・Strict discipline?
・Spoiling them?
・Making them strictly obey what the parent says?
・Giving instructions ahead of time?
・Early childhood education or gifted education?
・Many extracurricular lessons?

The “one reason” common to all of them

Actually, these ways of interacting
have a “certain reason in common.”

That is
the “anxiety” within the mother.

You worry precisely because you care about your child.
You feel anxious precisely because you cannot see what lies ahead.
Those feelings are completely natural...

However, when that anxiety becomes too strong,
the desire to
"not let them fail"
or
"not let them make mistakes"takes precedence,and you may find yourself stepping in or speaking up too often.

That is not because you lack love.
It happens precisely because you are trying so hard.

The "sense of distance" cherished by mothers who can watch over their children

Mothers who truly trust their children
do not try to interfere more than necessary.

They watch over their child's progress
from a little distance away.

It is not that they are unable to
step in or provide the answers.

Even so, they take a step back.

That sense of distance itself
may be proof of their trust.

When "watching over" turns into "keeping watch"

Conversely, when you cannot fully trust your child,
the distance inevitably becomes too close.

For better or worse,
you become preoccupied with your child's actions.

As a result,
it becomes easier to
"keep watch" over themrather than "watch over" them.

To clarify one thing here...
what mothers who succeed at trust-based parenting
let go of first
is likely the feeling that "I must get ahead of things because I'm anxious."

Children develop the ability to think through failure

Children learn
from failures and experiences that do not go well.

How can I do better next time?
What can I do to improve?

Through trial and error,
their ability to think and their perseverance grow.

Trust-based parenting does not require you to do anything special

As adults, we tend to think that
doing things smoothly is a good thing, don't we?

“Is it better to do it quickly?”
“Will they be okay as they are?”
Thinking this way is only natural
because you care about your child.

But children
build their strength little by little
while stumbling and taking the long way around.

So, for parenting through trust,
it is okay not to force any changes.

・Try waiting a little longer
・Take a breath when you feel like interfering
・Tell them “it’s okay” even if they fail

Start by acknowledging the “you who wants to trust.”

That accumulation of moments fosters in your child
“I am trusted”
a sense of security.

At the same time, your own anxiety as a mother
will gradually ease.

It is okay if you cannot do it perfectly right now.

First,
start by acknowledging the “you who wants to trust”
and give yourself credit.

– * – * – * –
Decide what you want to do next at your own pace…

📖 Related Articles
▶︎ A story to lighten the heart of a mom who feels down from comparing herself to others

🧭 For those who want to organize their approach (Type diagnosis: 1 minute)

🌱 For those who want to talk individually (Information on individual consultations)

📚 Books