How to prevent your child from constantly reading your mood

Your "It's okay" might be
robbing your child of their freedom.

"If Mom says so..."
Have you ever heard that phrase?

Children who try to live up to their parents' expectations
tend to put their own feelings on the back burner.

"I want my child to grow up to be someone who can decide their own life for themselves."
I think many moms wish for this.

But one day, I suddenly realized:
"Is the child really deciding this for themselves?"
"Could it be that they are choosing while watching my reaction?"

Have you ever had such an uneasy feeling?

Today, I would like to think together about
the ways moms can interact and the mindset to keep in mind
to foster a child's ability to "choose and decide for themselves."

Children who decide their own lives vs. children who leave it to others

For example,

• A child who chooses their own path based on their own will

• A child who chooses because "my parent said so" or "my teacher recommended it"

Even if the "choice" looks the same,
there is a big difference there.

In order to decide one's own life,
it is very important to have a daily habit
of thinking, "What do I want to do?"

"I like this."
"I want to be like this."
"I want to try this."

Children who value these feelings
will develop the "power to choose" within themselves, even while feeling hesitant.

What is the difference between children who can decide and those who cannot?

This is something I feel very strongly
while interacting with the children
who come to try out our tutoring school,

and it is truly fascinating
how they are divided into those who can decide for themselves and those who cannot.

And for children who can decide quickly,
there is a common trait.

That is,
"having the peace of mind thatthey are trusted by their parents."

No matter what they say,
they are not denied,
and they are accepted first.

No matter what choice they make,
they are trusted with "I know you can do it."

When such an atmosphere exists, children
naturally become honest with their own feelings
and become able to decide without being overly hesitant.

Why do children who cannot decide end up reading their parents' moods?

On the other hand,
children who have trouble deciding for themselves
may unconsciously worry about "what Mom will think..."
or "will she oppose this?"
and end up being concerned about their parents' moods or reactions.

Actually, there might be a background like this...

Mom is always anticipating things for them.
Giving advice immediately,
saying "You should do it this way."

Of course, that may be
an action taken out of concern for the child.

However, without realizing it,
we may be reducing
the experience of "choosing for themselves."

To be a "mom that children want to talk to"

If mom is someone the child can
talk to about their feelings with peace of mind,
don't you think that would be very reassuring?

To achieve that, what mom can do is...

First, listen to them until they are finished.

• Tell them, "I'm happy you told me."

• Gently ask them, "So, what do you want to do?"

If you can be a "warm vessel"
where your child can talk with peace of mind like that,
your child will gradually gain confidence
in making decisions on their own.

Toward becoming a child who can act on their own, rather than waiting for instructions

After becoming an adult,
"how to live one's life"
is something one must choose for oneself.

That is precisely why
nurturing the "power to decide" during childhood
is so very important.

Instead of doing everything as told,
be someone who can think and act for themselves, saying "I want to do this."

For that reason,
the best support mom can provide
"is to provide a sense of security that they can talk about anything."

Conclusion

When your child stands at a crossroads in life...
"You'll be fine."
"It's okay to decide for yourself."

If you can gently push them forward like that,
your child will surely
be able to move forward under their own power.

The feeling of being trusted is
a huge source of "peace of mind" for a child.

The power of peace of mind is truly great. ♡

– * – * – * –
What you want to do after this is at your own pace...
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