A story to help lighten the heart of a mom who feels down from comparing

Many moms who "find themselves comparing"
are being too hard on themselves.

Thinking, "Why can't my child
do things like that child does?"

Have you ever felt a sharp pang in your heart
thinking things like that?

But that is
proof that you cherish your child.
You are by no means a bad mother.

In this article,
instead of trying to force yourself to stop comparing,
I have compiled some ways of thinking that will
make your heart feel a little lighter by shifting your perspective.

It is okay to just read the parts
that you feel you can manage.

Please just take in the parts
that resonate with your heart right now.

1. Try changing "comparing with other children" to "comparing with your child yesterday"

"Why can't my child do this...?"
It is natural to
end up comparing them to someone else, isn't it?


But what is truly important
is to look at the difference from "your child yesterday."


For example,
"You were able to write one more kanji character than yesterday."
"You were crying before, but you were able to say it yourself today," and so on.


Comparing them to other children
only makes both mom and child feel miserable.


But if you compare them to how they were a little while ago,
you can see "I did it!" in even the smallest things.


I also once had a period where I felt down
comparing my son, who was shy, to his active friends.

"I wish he would talk to people more on his own..."
One day, while thinking that, I suddenly realized something.


"Maybe he was able to talk to someone on his own more than before today."


At that moment, I felt like I had met
the "child who is making steady progress" that I hadn't been able to see.

2. Try looking at "facts" instead of "assumptions"

When you are feeling down,
you only notice the things they "aren't doing," right?

But sometimes, that
is just an "assumption."


"My child doesn't talk to me at all..."
Even if you think that, if you look closely,
they might be talking happily about things they like.


Try stopping for a moment
and asking yourself, "Is that really true?"


Just by turning your eyes to the facts,
your heart can feel suddenly lighter.

3. A mom's smile is the best source of security for a child

When you are feeling down from comparing yourself to those around you,
what kind of expression is on your face?

Surely, your child is picking up on that atmosphere too.


Among the children I met at the cram school,
there were children who said things like this.

"I feel safe when my mom is smiling."
"I feel relieved when I see her smile at home."

Just by mom smiling,
the child can think, "I am okay."


The "power of belief" starts with a mom's smile.

4. Believe that "this child's pace is just fine"

"Other children can already do it, so why is my child..."
There are times when you feel impatient like that, aren't there?

But children's growth does not progress at the same speed for everyone.

• A child who started walking late is the most energetic runner in elementary school
• A child who was bad at kanji becomes good at Japanese in junior high school


In my own home, I have compared my siblings before.

My daughter is dexterous and good at origami and crafts.
In contrast,
I assumed my son was clumsy, but...
Now, he has the dexterity to perform surgery.


That is why I truly believe:
"This child's pace is just fine."

5. Tell them, "I love this about you"

When you have a habit of comparing,
you tend to only see the "things they are lacking," right?

But in reality...
• The kindness to hand a tissue to a crying child
• The strength to stick to their own ideas, even if they are a bit stubborn

There must surely be
"good qualities that only that child has."

I also often made sure to tell my children
when I found something good about them.

For example,
"You showed your sister your book today, didn't you?"

When I said that to him,
my son would smile a little shyly.

That smile was so radiant,
it was a moment where I thought, "I'm glad I told him."

From Yuriko to you

Feeling down from comparing yourself to someone else is
proof that you "cherish your child."

It is okay not to try to change everything at once.

After reading this article today,
if you could feel even one thing like,
"Maybe I can think about it that way too,"


I would be happy.
It is okay to have days where you compare.

It is okay to have days where you stop.
Just like your child's pace,


a mom's heart has its own pace too.
Today,thank you for reading this far.

– * – * – * –
Decide what you want to do next at your own pace...
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