Attempting to Rebuild with a Gambling-Addicted Husband and Having AI Analyze It: Gratitude Journal Part 1

I'm Yatoyo, and I'm currently weighing whether to rebuild my marriage, divorce, or just become roommates with my husband by the time our children are independent in three years, after discovering he has a gambling addiction and has even taken on debt.
Today's story is about the time when I first discovered my husband's addiction, fell into a panic, chose to "rebuild the marriage" for the sake of our children, and for some reason became convinced that "if we're going to rebuild, I have to get along with my husband!"

You can read a rough introduction of myself in the article below, but if you keep the above in mind, you don't really need to go out of your way to read it.

Starting a Gratitude Journal

Back then, I was convinced that "if I'm going to rebuild my marriage, I have to get along with the husband who betrayed our family and even took on debt!" and after researching various things, I reached one conclusion.
That's it, I'll start a "gratitude journal"!

The Reason I Started a Gratitude Journal

I found things online saying, "To get along with your husband, try writing down things you are grateful to him for," but since I had all sorts of grudges and bitterness from the past—even without the gambling addiction—I thought, "Why should I be the only one thanking my husband?" and decided to make him write one too.

I also had a ulterior motive: since he probably wouldn't be able to think of things to be grateful for regarding me right away, by being grateful for various other things, it would serve as "gratitude training," and eventually he would be able to be grateful to me too, lol.

Also, I remembered my husband saying this when we went to the hospital for addiction treatment.

• I've lost confidence in myself.

• I don't have the same emotional highs and lows of feeling happy or joyful like I used to.

So, I wanted him to return to his former self, regain his "emotions," andproperly recognize and reflect on what he has done!
After all, if he has no emotions, that means he doesn't have the emotion of "feeling sorry for my family," right? How could I ever forgive that!

The Rules of Our Household's Gratitude Journal

So I proposed a "gratitude journal" to my husband. The rules were as follows.

• I want you to regain your emotions by being grateful for daily events.

• Let's write at least three lines every day.

• Anything you were grateful for, happy about, or glad about—even trivial things are fine!

My Gratitude Journal

And so, I started my gratitude journal. Even though I'm lazy, I was determined to do my best with the "gratitude journal" for the sake of rebuilding our marriage—no, for the sake of our family.

When I first started, I thought, "Oh, there's actually more to write about than I thought. This is a piece of cake."

What I was writing in my gratitude journal

When I first started, I could come up with several things to be grateful for every day. For example:

• Technology-related (grateful that I can learn various things for free on YouTube, etc.)

• Environment-related (grateful to have a workplace where I can work happily, etc.)

• Friend-related (grateful for them listening to my complaints, laughing with me, and sharing my sadness, etc.)

• Family (grateful they are healthy, that they help out, etc.)

However, eventually, what I wrote became the same every day. Usually, it was gratitude for my children, my close colleagues, and the income from my side job (which was only web writing at the time).
There was no sign of gratitude toward my husband...

Even with practice, gratitude toward my husband wouldn't come out.

And then, one day, I finally exploded.

Instead of gratitude, complaints erupted!

In the end, one day I had a massive explosion of dissatisfaction! I wrote a huge amount of complaints about my husband in my gratitude journal.
Things from when the children were still small, things about my in-laws, things done to me by my own parents. Honestly, including his gambling addiction, a massive amount of complaints came out.

And then I suddenly thought, 'Is my husband really writing in his gratitude journal? He probably isn't, right? He only took the notebook because I told him to, so he must be slacking off!! Why am I the only one doing this troublesome thing!!'
Even though I was the one who suggested it lol

So, I decided to secretly check my husband's journal in the middle of the night. Since he probably wasn't writing in it anyway, I thought I would scold him, saying, 'Don't you want to rebuild our marriage? You were the one who said you wanted to be with your family!! I told you this was part of your treatment, didn't I!'

My husband's gratitude journal: The shocking content

Late at night, after confirming my husband was asleep, I looked for his gratitude journal. I found it in his commuter bag just as I expected. Let's see...

My husband was writing. He was writing in his gratitude journal every day.

Month/Day

• I'm glad the weather was nice today

• I'm glad I was able to buy cheap sashimi on the way home

• I'm glad I could watch TV with my family

Month/Day

• I'm glad the weather was nice again today

• I'm glad I was able to buy nuts on sale

• I'm glad it was a good day overall

He was writing them. Every day. A three-line diary? A memo? Just ending every line with "I'm glad"? Are you an elementary school student?

The moment I saw this, my mind was in a state of chaos. My husband's diary was carefree, but my mind was a raging storm.

Were you listening to what I said? Did you understand the meaning? Do you know the purpose? Are you an idiot?

So, I stopped the "gratitude diary."
But my husband is still doing it. Probably.
Because I didn't tell him to stop, and I didn't tell him I had stopped.
I didn't tell him because I looked at his diary without permission; it was just me being mean.

Well, if you keep doing anything, maybe something will come of it? They say consistency is power, and maybe that diary will be useful someday.
Like when we're wondering, "When was the last time we went out as a family?"

Conclusion at the time

So, since I hadn't encountered AI at the time, I ended with the conclusion, "I really can't make it work with this guy."
After that, I thought, "No, I have to do my best for the sake of the children!" which led to things like "starting a Hug Day" and "doing AI-based counseling as a couple," but that's a story for another article.

And now. I have a strong ally: AI. I had AI counsel me on the whole sequence of events regarding this "gratitude diary."
I'll introduce that in the next article (Part 2).

#RebuildingMarriage

#MaritalRelationship

#GamblingAddiction

#GratitudeDiary

#AIUtilization

#MentalCare

#50s

#DebtProblem