[Part 2] The Month My Memory Almost Faded | The "One Correct Answer" I Realized While Doing Everything Alone

Thank you for always reading.
It's Nobu-papa!

In the first part, I wrote about my wife's hospitalization due to severe morning sickness, moving for our daughter's nursery school enrollment, daily therapy drop-offs and housework, and my job as a sales representative...

All of these overlapped, and I wrote about the days I spent doing everything "alone" while completely exceeding my capacity.

This is the continuation of that story.

👇 I would be happy if you could read the first part as well.

A helping hand extended at the last minute

One day, when the thread stretched tight in my heart was
about to snap.

Seeing me somehow make it to work,
a senior colleague at the company spoke to me.

"You look like a ghost!!"

They are a cheerful senior colleague who always takes care of me,

and until then, I had been thinking "I have to do this myself" and
was just bottling everything up alone, but
triggered by those words,

"Actually, right now, it's like this..."

I confessed my true situation and feelings for the first time.

Even then, honestly,
I couldn't say "help me"...

Immediately after I told them about my current situation,
my senior colleague took action right away.

"When can I go?"
"Send me all the sizes for the furniture and storage!"

Before I knew it, they had set an appointment to visit,
and with incredible momentum, they barged into my house
and helped me clean up!!

I thought, as expected of a sales professional, haha.

Looking at the LINE exchange from back then,
I was sending all the photos of the house, including storage and furniture,
and we were exchanging messages about needing all the sizes too.

As a result, they bought almost all the storage for the living room and around the stocker, matching the sizes from 100-yen shops, Nitori, Muji, and so on!

Also, after that, on the day the large furniture was to be installed, other colleagues came too, and about four of them helped me clean up all at once!

They even labeled things so the storage would be easy to understand,

and what's more, not just cleaning up,
they even decorated the living room stylishly,
and I have nothing but gratitude.

Everyone, of course, had their own families and work, yet they sacrificed their own time to help me.

Writing this note now, I truly feel nothing but gratitude.

At that time, although my daughter's ventilator had been removed and she was able to move around freely, it was the age where she would put anything small into her mouth.

I needed to secure a safe living space, but other than a tiny gap in the living room and the bedroom, the place was overflowing with boxes.

Thanks to my colleagues stepping in, a space was created where my daughter could spend time safely, and above all, I was freed from the pressure of having to clean the room.

At the time, I couldn't keep up with work, and my sales figures had dropped significantly.

If the room had stayed a mess and I had continued to be chased by the need to clean it... the mental and physical burden would have been so great that I really don't know what would have happened.

I will write it many times: I still cannot thank my kind colleagues enough.

Daily life returning little by little

After that, my wife was also discharged after about two weeks of hospitalization.

I was able to welcome my wife into a room that had been cleaned thanks to my colleagues.

Her morning sickness still seemed tough, but
the worst peak had passed, and she was starting to be able to move around a little.

I am truly glad that I had prepared a place for my wife to retreat to and measures for dealing with odors.

And finally,

I was pushed to the very brink of my limits.

The approximately one month of solo parenting life came to an end.

Why do people push themselves to the limit?

In looking back at these events this time, I significantly changed the content from the original draft, and it took a lot of time.

That is because, as a result of self-reflection while using AI, I was able to realize things I hadn't noticed at the time because I had no room to spare.

I want to leave this here as a message to my past self, and as a message to those who are currently struggling and pushing themselves to the limit.

1. 'Sense of responsibility' breaks the brakes
There is no substitute for parenting, and you cannot take a break in the middle.

Therefore, 'I have to do it' naturally becomes the top priority, and you end up in a state of running without seeing an end.

2. The illusion that 'I can still do it'
Humans are strange creatures;
when you push yourself a little and somehow manage to keep things going,
you think, 'I can actually do this.'

I, too, at the time, thought: I managed to pack, I managed to handle work, I managed to deal with my daughter's developmental support... and
each time, I misjudged my limit line, thinking 'I can still do it.'

But in reality,
I was running on fumes while wearing down my own heart and body.

3. The option to ask for help doesn't cross my mind
If the values of 'relying on others = causing trouble'
and 'I should do it myself because I am a parent'
are at the root,
the very idea of 'getting help from someone' doesn't even come to mind.

That is why I pushed myself to the limit.

4. Comparing myself to others
There is no clear correct answer in parenting as to when you are 'done.'

When it looks like the moms and dads around you are working just as hard,
you unconsciously raise the bar for yourself, thinking, 'If everyone else is doing it, I should be able to do it too.'

The assumption that 'I'm fine'

In reality, I was not fine at all.

But if I admitted that, my heart would break,
and my life would fall apart.

That is why my brain, as a defense mechanism,
unconsciously told me 'I'm fine'
to try and suppress the anxiety.

The troublesome thing is that this assumption of 'I'm fine'
functions right up until the very last moment.

As long as I could move, I kept moving.

That is exactly why I found it so terrifying.

Because one day, suddenly,
it felt like a thread had snapped, and I truly couldn't move anymore.

Humans have a structure where they cannot notice until they break.

I realized this wasn't because I lacked grit or determination,
but because that is how the human structure works.

In conclusion

The one true answer I found
by digging deep into this experience
after living through that extreme month.

It is,

'Ask for help while you are still okay'

It is incredibly obvious,
but it was truly important.

However, it takes real courage to say 'help me' on your own.

I was the same way back then.

But even if you can't force yourself to say 'please help me,'
just talking about your current situation (venting) by saying 'actually, things are really tough right now...' can change the situation.

If you can't think of anyone close to you to rely on,
it's fine to just vent on social media,
or use government or local support services or counseling.
I want you to ask someone for help before you reach your limit.

I am grateful that
I was truly blessed with the people around me.

But if my colleague hadn't helped me,
I don't know what would have happened to me by now.

And while writing this article,
I strongly reaffirmed, 'Just as my colleague saved me back then, I want to reach out to someone who is about to reach their limit.'

Because I know what it's like to reach my limit and have been helped, I want to be able to notice the 'hidden SOS' or 'venting' coming from the moms and dads around me.

I truly feel that way now.

People keep thinking 'I'm fine' until just before they break.
That is exactly why I think what is truly important is 'asking for help while you are still okay.'

If there is anyone out there feeling the same way,
please don't bottle it up alone; I want you to try venting somewhere first.

This was the story of the most grueling month of my life,
the month where my memory almost faded away.

Afterword
Applying the lessons from back then,
we are now able to manage our family life by relying a lot on each of our mothers.

Even now, there are times when I have no margin and feel like I'm about to reach my limit.
Even so, I think I've become better than before at talking to people close to me and asking for help as early as possible.

I would be encouraged if you felt free to leave a comment✨

👇 I am writing about my perspective as a dad attending developmental support.